Materia Medica
Appendix: Provers own overviews
Quite confused, names,
words coming out wrong and in a jumble, and drove 40 miles in the wrong direction
thinking it was the way home.
01P 03 XX:XX NS
I have felt invisible over the last
few days, and with one particular person, it was as though I hadn't existed
as she hadn't thought of me. People didn't register my presence.
01P 04 XX:XX NS
After dinner everybody got up one
by one to go to bed and I was left at the table not wanting to leave. I felt
that everyone had deserted me, that nobody wanted to be in my company.
02P 02 22:30 NS
Whilst meditating I sensed that my
feet were not touching the ground. Like they were resting on an air cushion.
Also at the end of the meditation, I saw a red circle with black around it.
02P 03 10:00 NS
I feel patient with my children even
though they are testing my patience this afternoon.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
The house is very noisy this afternoon.
Everybody seems to be talking loudly and the phone keeps ringing. The noise
is too much for me to bear and is making me very irritable. I just want peace
and quiet.
02P 05 XX:XX NS
All afternoon I have been exquisitely
sensitive to noise. I cannot bear the noise of the television or (what seems
to me to be) the very loud voices of my children. I am constantly telling everyone
to be quiet and turn the TV down. When there are two different sources of noise
at the same time, there is an unbearable cacophony inside my head.
02P 06 XX:XX NS
Had a huge fight with husband this
afternoon. I wonder if the remedy has made me more react more aggressively towards
him than I would perhaps have otherwise done. In retrospect I feel that I purposely
picked the fight with him.
02P 11 XX:XX NS
Woke up feeling very down again this
morning. There is a sinking feeling in my solar plexus. It is like there is
nothing in life which could give me pleasure, everything feels really flat.
02P 19 XX:XX NS
I have tremendous feelings of resentment
inside me while at the same time 1 am keeping a smiling understanding face outwardly
in order to keep the status quo.
02P 21 XX:XX NS
I am feeling very irritable, very
dissatisfied and critical of others today. Usually when my period starts, I
feel much better in myself
once the flow starts.
02P 23 XX:XX NS
I woke up this morning and decided
that the house was a mess. I went in to a mania of cleaning activity which lasted
through till the afternoon.
02P 24 XX:XX NS
I am dropping like a stone. I feel
restricted, trapped by my husbands insecurities. The feeling is taking me over.
I feel his long arms reaching out across thousands of miles, controlling me,
checking on me, making me feel that I have done something wrong when I haven't.
Although an unwilling accomplice, I find myself allowing it all to happen,
it feels like am on parole.
02P 30 XX:XX HS
I feel very separate from the group.
I want to be on my own, but also part of the group and part of the group experience;
but no one else seems to feel like I do, I feel a bit like a weirdo. I go into
the room where everyone else is and the smell of food, the heat and noise overwhelm
me. I sit at the head of the table with a cup of water, and can't believe how
much everyone is eating! I am very aware of how different I am to the others.
I feel static, grey, observing, and they are raucous, pulsating, and greedy,
in the experience like a group of animals.
03P 01 XX:XX NS
Wake up. Image of stabbing myself
in the stomach. I don't feel any sensation or emotion.
03P 02 06:00 NS
Feel thin, like I have lost the substance
of me.
03P 02 XX:XX NS
On journey home 1 feel very alert.
I don't want to close my eyes and relax. I focus and stare at one thing for
few seconds and then another.
03P 03 XX:XX NS
Have noticed that strangers are touching
me and talking to me more, e.g. in the supermarket, on the train. Not sure how
I feel about this, it's a bit strange. The word 'magnetised' keeps coming into
my head.
03P 04 XX:XX NS
Feel very light headed as though
the top of my head, from the eyes upward, has dissolved and I am merging into
the atmosphere.
03P 05 XX:XX NS
I tap repeatedly on the wooden floor
with my foot. I am conscious that this will really annoy husband down stairs
but carry on anyway. When he shouts upstairs to stop, I go downstairs and we
have a big row. I bring up things from the previous week which upset me, and
mimic him and say he is like a mad man. I know this will anger him and it does.
He pushes back the screen of his laptop and it breaks, the image shatters. Later:
Husband not in bed. I would usually go and find him, but I don't feel worried
about it. Although my marriage feels like it is crashing down around me, all
I can think about is husband's laptop. I can't get the image of the shattered
screen out of my head. Feel transfixed by it. I have images of husband hanging
himself, but this doesn't worry me. I also have images of him coming to strangle
me, and I am afraid to open my eyes in case he is there standing over me.
03P 05 XX:XX NS
Walking around town. Heart starts
beating very fast. I breathe slowly and deeply to try to calm it down, but it
doesn't. Eyes feel as though really big and staring. Feel off my face! Feel
high. I don't feel anxious about this but it's not a pleasant feeling. Go to
have something to eat to try to calm down. Can't eat fast enough, although I'm
not hungry. I'm stuffing it into my mouth. Also drink nearly half a litre of
water in a few seconds. I am aware that I probably look like a mad person.
03P 08 XX:XX NS
Husband says I am more erotic and
relaxed sexually. I feel more relaxed and less sensitive, physically and emotionally.
03P 08 XX:XX NS
Have a couple of small arguments
with husband when we are out with friends, don't get upset. say what think.
I know I am right. Friends comment that I am very sharp, mentally/verbally.
Call me The Silent Assassin.
03P 09 XX:XX NS
Feel very confident in myself. Wear
a dress that is quite loud, stripes and short, which I would not have had the
confidence to wear before. Feel confident about my body and want to show it
off. I feel that my body is younger and firmer.
03P 09 XX:XX NS
When shopping in town heart starts
racing. Eyes feel big and staring. I am buying clothes that I can't really afford.
03P 14 XX:XX NS
I feel greedy and I don't like it.
All this food, and wanting to buy more and more things that I don't need, and
husband says I keep saying 'I want... .1 want'. It's a horrible feeling. Starting
to feel a bit out of control.
03P 15 XX:XX OS
Have noticed over the last 2.5 weeks
that I feel slightly threatened by men when out on my own especially in the
dark. I feel wary of all of them.
03P 22 XX:XX NS
I had been asleep for about an hour
when I woke with a jolt and was very disorientated.
03P 23 XX:XX NS
I am feeling wary of male friends.
Worried that I am giving out the wrong impression and don't want to upset husband.
03P 25 XX:XX NS
Feel very separate from the group.
I feel as though I am in a bubble, observing. I feel that they all disapprove
of me because I am quiet and not like them. I feel that general comments made
about the group are directed specifically at me. At the same time, I feel that
people don't know who I am; don't remember my name. I feel defensive and that
if they accuse me of not speaking, I'll definitely not speak. I also know I
am being irrational and over sensitive.
03P 29 XX:XX NS
In group I feel competitive; I want
to be at the centre but I feel on the edge. I have some feelings of indignation
because I'm not getting enough attention. I hear myself saying 'I've had that',
'I've done that', to everything everyone says. It's awful! Me, me, me.
03P 29 XX:XX NS
Better cuddles. Usually don't want
to be touched when ill.
03P 32 XX:XX NS
Feel that everyone stands very close
to me. Feels that they are so close that their face fills my whole field of
vision, and that I can't quite focus on them. Their closeness makes me feel
a bit uncomfortable, but I don't move away, because I don't want to appear rude.
Feel very aware of physical touch also, e.g. an arm resting against mine, and
I can't stand it. Then I do move away.
03P 37 XX:XX NS
I don't feel particularly negative
but hear myself reeling off lists of negative things in my life when I talk
to people. Am starting to feel bitchy towards people who have done nothing wrong.
People getting on my nerves, and I don't want to speak to anyone.
03P 41 XX:XX NS
Seem to attract a lot of aggression
from men today. One scary looking man shouts at me after he has reversed back
in his car and nearly hit me, as a pedestrian. I stand and shout back at him,
although a voice in the back of my mind is telling me its not a good idea, he
looks like a gangster type in a big car with blacked out windows, rough looking.
He follows me up the road shouting abuse at me, and I shout abuse back! Afterwards
I am scared and upset. Then a man selling me a ticket starts to shout at me
when I tell him the sort of ticket I was sold before. I am very assertive to
him. When I get home I have a vivid fantasy of stabbing the man in the car in
the left eye with a glass spike. (do it repeatedly and it makes me feel much
better, relieved. I am sure he will actually feet it as the fantasy is so vivid,
and I am glad of that.
03P 43 XX:XX NS
Feel a lot of dislike for people.
Pick up on things they say that could be negative and dwell on them. Make them
bigger in my mind. Feel that people don't like me. But don't feel like this
about husband. Feel very loyal and protective of him.
03P 50 XX:XX NS
Throughout the month I have noticed
my attraction to blue, electric blue to be precise, throughout the whole of
the month I have bought jewellery, items of furnishings, clothes all of this
particular colour, its not a colour I have ever especially liked, but wherever
I am I notice this colour.
04P 00 XX:XX NS
I became aware later when was shopping
in Oxfam, that I was more agitated than usual; two older ladies were in front
of me in the queue and really slow, normally I would wait patiently, I asked
about an item and was asked to wait, one of them picked up the item and started
to look at it... normally I wouldn't say anything but I said to another member
of staff 'I'll take that as well please'! for me that was a very bold and brave
thing to do!
04P 01 XX:XX NS
I feel as if nothing bothers me today,
I can see clearly what needs to be.
04P 02 XX:XX NS
Got really angry with the cat! only
because he wouldn't stop whinging. Something 1 would never normally do.
04P 03 XX:XX NS
I've changed my hair (put in plaits)
and changed some of my jewellery (I usually wear the same) I seem to want to
appear different for some reason.
04P 03 XX:XX NS
Feeling very industrious today, did
lots of cleaning and sorting I feel I need to be doing something.
04P 04 XX:XX NS
Feel discontented and just grrrrrr!
lost temper with husband over something trivial and went way over the top.
04P 05 XX:XX NS
I can't seem to get going today,
very irritable, angry and don't want to do anything.
04P 05 XX:XX NS
Sex - Husband can't seem to get enough
of me! 3 times already this week normally 3 a month! (its not me!)
04P 06 XX:XX NS
Keep thinking about peacocks, probably
shouldn't try and think what the remedy is but, I keep thinking it's a peacock,
the boldness in me, the making myself attractive with the hair and jewellery
(blue) and I bought a jacket with peacock on the back and feathers - just had
to have it, and I've just noticed I'm wearing green and blue everyday, without
realising I am.
04P 06 XX:XX NS
Changed jewellery again picking bolder
pieces - purple this time.
04P 07 XX:XX NS
Being emotional after a period is
unusual for me its always before.
04P 09 XX:XX NS
My moods seem to be alternating,
one day I'm very happy the next I'm not!
04P 09 XX:XX NS
Still seem to have some of the boldness,
don't seem to worry about things that I used to before taking remedy.
04P 14 XX:XX NS
Had a bit of an accident last night
had to cut my hair because it caught fire on a candle we have a piglet which
I'm hand rearing and it got too close to candle, so I had to grab the candle
and my hair went up! It left m with shorter hair on one side of face so I had
to cut both sides, whilst I was doing this I thought 'what the hell just cut
a bit more off' (the appearance thing again?) I cut a bit more than I would
have normally. (I would have cut the least possible.) I just kept cutting more
and more, again I could see clearly what I needed to do!
04P 17 XX:XX NS
I am starting to realise that since
taking the remedy I have a total disinterest in sex. At first I thought I may
be just tired, it's not too odd to not fancy it for a day or so but even after
over a week I have no interest in it, and when we do make lova (I have been
persuaded to a couple of times) I have found no pleasure in it. Normally we
have a very healthy sex life and I enjoy sex unless there are bad feelings between
my husband and I or I am ill or tired.
05P 10 XX:XX NS
My period started on this morning
but the 'PMT' hasn't gone. I've now been feeling like this for over a week.
I suppose it's depression, I have never had it before. One night (day 15) I
really dwelt on how dreadful everything was, nothing seemed to bring me any
pleasure and sat up all night wondering how I could be happier. (Decided that
I was so unhappy because I've moved away from my family and friends 9 months
ago to come here because of my husband's job, so I would leave him. I've given
it my best shot, 9 months is a long time to be stuck in a house where I know
hardly anyone and feel I have little hope of getting to make friends. I couldn't
possibly expect him to give up his job so I would go back to Devon (200 miles
away) and look after the baby whom he could visit whenever he wanted. I calmly
told him I thought our marriage was over the next morning, he didn't take it
too well. We talked about how I felt, he of course offered to give up his job
and return to Devon immediately and offered me other options too, but I just
resigned myself to staying here and trying to improve things. I felt bad, upsetting
him so much, at least one of us might as well be happy. Two days later, he's
now treading on egg shells, I still feel like life is absolutely joyless and
not much hope of improving although the poor man has gone and got us a couple
of invitations to go out and meet some of his friends and wives so that I'm
not so isolated. I didn't tell him my reaction to my loneliness (which is a
fact that I've coped with for months without feeling depressed) may be because
of the proving.
05P 17 XX:XX NS
The past few days have been really
joyless, I just existed. Yesterday I walked to the post office and it was closed
so I cried on the way home, it seemed like the final straw. (I am not someone
who cries much, and never in public.)
05P 19 XX:XX NS
Miscommunication. Feeling as if not
quite making connections with those around.
06P 00 XX:XX NS
Awoken by loud bird noises. Garden
overrun by peacocks. Landlady said this has only started happening in last 2
weeks and last night worst. Has lived there for 43 years and it is new.
06P 02 XX:XX NS
Felt very purposeful and focused.
Managed to set up new system for work. Had one of my most productive days ever
where I solved a problem at work that has been bugging me for ages. Just woke
up and knew the answer. I am being 200% efficient. As if it was happening to
someone else.
06P 04 XX:XX NS
Again feel the need not to detour,
but to come straight home after lunch.
06P 24 XX:XX NS
During the whole proving period I
noticed that my ability to 'feel' the world including to physically be able
to 'predict' events was very much accentuated. In my need to be disconnected
from the world I was open to receive and to connect with people on different
level. I was feeling physically the symptoms of the person that was about to
ring to book for an appointment. Mother and daughter experienced proving symptoms
at exactly the same time I did.
07P 00 XX:XX NS
Can't stop drawing spirals while
taking notes. I concentrate better if I draw those spirals.
07P 03 XX:XX NS
I feel I'm spinning fast and everyone
before me is terribly slow. Everything seems out of speed, everything is so
slow.
07P 08 XX:XX NS
I really don't understand from where
this anger is coming from. It's not only about my boyfriend but I feel this
way towards any human being. even my own daughter.
07P 09 XX:XX NS
My period has started, Feel sad over
everything, very sensitive and weep for nothing.
07P 17 XX:XX NS
The sadness and the feeling in the
head are constant in those days. Can't concentrate and it is awful for me. I
feel I'm not receptive enough, separated from the world, not connected and can't
connect with it.
07P 21 XX:XX NS
I took a walk by the seashore with
my parents and my daughter and I find myself feeling like walking one metre
higher than the ground. It didn't stop even when I sat for some minutes, it
stayed with me all day.
07P 23 XX:XX NS
Felt I was there but I wasn't at
the same time. It felt like I was observing whatever was happening around me
but couldn't assimilate it because I was disconnected in some way. I was just
observing, no feelings associated with that.
07P 29 XX:XX NS
Just realize that I haven't spoken
to my boyfriend for the past 5 days. He is been ringing every day, even three
or four times and for one reason or another I always managed to don't be available
or able to talk to him.
07P 46 XX:XX NS
On walk my eye starts catching shades
of blue on people, on objects, on anything. Does not concern me, at first it
is nice, I love the colour blue, it is interesting to see it everywhere, but
begins to irritate me as I lose concentration when my eye catches the colour.
It is the same sensation to my eye that occurs when you see fluorescent yellow
as on a workman's jacket. The
blue stands out and catches my eye, it attracts my attention. I am picking out
blue shades but do not linger on them, just notice how much blue there is around.
08P 02 XX:XX NS
When I get off the train I am hit
by a strange feeling, It is weird feeling and I start to panic. I don't understand
the feeling. I am somewhere I know very well yet I feel outside of it all. It
seems too busy, too bright, all the lights are very bright yet this is where
1 am supposed to feel safe (my home). The brightness seems so alien to me, makes
me feel I want to be somewhere else.
08P 03 XX:XX NS
All day a sensation I do not want
to go to pharmacy tomorrow. Do not want to be in busy space. Even thought about
giving up job!
08P 04 XX:XX NS
Struggling all day. Felt that colleagues
saw me as incompetent. Better when on my own. Did not ask for help at work from
colleagues, saw them as critical and judgmental of me. Felt embarrassed to ask
for help.
08P 05 XX:XX NS
Woke up with feeling of dread in
stomach. Hollow, weak feeling in stomach. Did not feel strong, lack of confidence
associated with work. Do not feel strong enough to cope with pace of work.
08P 05 XX:XX NS
Feel squashed, cannot stand up for
myself. Very tearful. Feel my 'grit' has gone. Pushed and shoved on tube on
way home and felt could not respond or retaliate. Feel small, exposed, unprotected.
Feeling makes me desire protection, shielding and strength from someone else.
08P 05 XX:XX NS
Feeling restless, very irritable
but for not reason, can't sit still even though I am very heavy tired.
08P 10 XX:XX NS
Go to steep with sensation I am tying
on water, sensation just as I am drifting off, a very relaxing sensation as
if floating in warm water.
08P 11 XX:XX NS
Strong sensation of deja vu all day.
08P 12 XX:XX NS
Wake with immediate sensation of
anxiety, feel claustrophobic. Feel too many things have crowded around me and
too near my face. Want to push things back away from face to give me room to
think. Sensation around face of everything too near, closing in.
08P 12 XX:XX NS
Wake up with sensation of anxiety
over relationship. Feel vulnerable, weak and unsupported as partner did not
telephone last night as expected. Weakness/vulnerability feels like great softness
in stomach, no strength as if someone could push me right over with the smallest
of nudges.
08P 12 XX:XX NS
No jealousy in situation with partner
that should have made me flare up. Could not understand why jealous sensation
did not emerge, waited for it to arise but nothing.
08P 16 XX:XX NS
Customer comes into pharmacy complaining
of stiff lower (lumbar) back pain and needing a remedy. I give him Rhus Tox
after talking with him but as he leaves I begin rubbing my lower back.
08P 32 XX:XX NS
Woke up feeling unsettled, as if
1 had missed some important event.
08P 34 XX:XX NS
Mesmerised by colours and shapes
on television screen, but I don't connect with what is going on. I stare at
the television for about half an hour without following the storyline.
09P 01 XX:XX NS
Feeling free to express views and
contribute without fear of saying something wrong or stupid.
09P 02 XX:XX NS
Feeling like a stranger in the city
where I've lived for the past 5 years after leaving my country of birth. When
going for a walk it is as if I'm a tourist and seeing things for the first time.
09P 04 XX:XX NS
I feel disconnected, as if I have
no emotions. Not depressed, but complete absence of emotions, also of joy.
09P 11 XX:XX NS
I am feeling much more emotionally
vulnerable than usual and am affected a lot even though the argument is not
very serious. I feel he doesn't approve of me, isn't listening to me and doesn't
love me.
09P 15 XX:XX NS
For the last month I've been completely
disinterested in sex. I've not had an aversion to sex, but desire was absent.
09P 33 XX:XX NS
During initial meditation saw a circle
of colour, like spokes of colour radiating out in a colour wheel. The central
hub of the wheel facing me and slowly revolving. The colour red stood out in
The colour red stood out in my mind.
10P 01 XX:XX NS
An intimate reconnection with my
partner on a deeper level, she made a comment about making a new start.
10P 02 XX:XX NS
Continuation of calmness for 5 days,
this is becoming unusual, a more measured way, not 'fazed by things'. No great
sense of responsibility.
10P 05 XX:XX NS
I was thinking about explosions and
bangs. The way my daughter was describing the pain I felt that she was going
to explode! I was afraid she was going to burst, go bang!
10P 06 XX:XX NS
A strong feeling of wanting to reconnect
with my family roots.
10P 09 XX:XX NS
While going around house felt very
disorientated. Lost my sense of direction, couldn't work out north, south, east
or west, most unusual for me.
10P 13 XX:XX NS
I had this strange feeling of being
a bird with a large beak. My nose felt as if it coming outward and down to meet
my chin, which was also coming outward and up. My face felt contorted. My tongue
was being squeezed into a very small space.
10P 16 XX:XX NS
Sensation of something on my back
grabbing hold of the back of my neck, has it's claws into me.
10P 26 XX:XX NS
Reflecting on thoughts of red and
black. Observed that all provers were wearing red and black on Sunday. Remembered
red and black in the initial meditation.
10P 34 XX:XX NS
Feeling extremely aroused with partner,
said to her that 1 was about to explode with sexual energy if I did not find
a way to release it, overwhelming sexual energy.
10P 43 XX:XX NS
1 have felt a disconnectedness for
the whole of the proving.
11P 00 XX:XX NS
Completely spaced out all day. Feel
as if I am up high peering down on the room, I feel as if I'm not really there
in the room. People are talking and I can't really hear what they are saying.
I sense that I'm realty staring at people when they talk in order to try and
concentrate myself.
11P 01 XX:XX NS
No cares what so ever about my job
today. Couldn't give a monkeys! I'm not really aware of my surroundings, and
I'm not even taking any notice of them, I'm just functioning on auto pilot.
I still feel really disconnected.
11P 04 XX:XX NS
I have to really concentrate on what
others are saying today. I keep asking people the same thing. I can hear what
they are saying but it isn't making any connections with me. I am not tuned
in, I'm off someplace else but am not sure where.
11P 10 XX:XX NS
I had so much clarity of mind today.
I could see exactly all that needed to be done and knew how to go about it.
Yet this clarity of mind was accompanied by frustration as my position at work
means that I am not really able to sort things to the way I would like them.
It's like having bad eyesight and not seeing definition and then I put glasses
on and everything becomes so clear, I see sharp edges, everything is so obvious
and I can't understand why others don't seem to 'get it'!
11P 18 XX:XX NS
I have been thinking about sex obsessively
all day.
13P 26 XX:XX OS
I feel I have lost my will to do
the important things. Normally I make big of small things, now I'm making small
of big things.
13P 27 XX:XX NS
Ask a question in lecture, lecturer
cannot follow the thread of my question, someone else repeats what I am saying
to him, and he gets it. Not interested in what had been said. I hear a sound
like a shot, and pay no attention to it, then I realise everyone in the room
is looking at me, I'm like 'what?' and laugh at them all and they laugh back.
Seemed ridiculous, felt like
when people are stoned and can't follow the thread. The switch above my head
has blown, there are sparks, and there is a smell of burning electric. Feel
I s d point this out to someone who would know something about electrics, as
I feel someone should check it out, the smell is strong. After that it does
not interest me. I don't feel there is anything I can do to help; I don't know
anything about electrics.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
When I stand still, there is a feeling
that below the waist isn't there, numb, transparent/invisible feeling. Below
the waist does not exist, nothing is there. Feels like there isn't any form,
there is only expanse of air.
14P 04 XX:XX NS
I just smudged the house with sage
to try and clear the energy in the house - some people leave an unwanted presence
- it is interesting how much I feel unsettled by their left over energy and
want to protect and clear the space of it.
14P 18 XX:XX NS
Feel very indifferent about everything,
very blah biah about life and what anyone has to say.
14P 27 XX:XX NS
It feel as if I am in a bubble, apart
from the crowd, I'm observing and not participating.
14P 30 XX:XX NS
There feels a real inability to communicate,
to make contact, this feels very alien to me, I feel like there is an outer
force interfering, blocking, like walking along a wall of mirrors, and you aren't
even able to make out your own form, things you know are distorted to your own
eyes.
14P 31 XX:XX NS
Feel as though there are two of me
in the one skin. The one I know and another that I can't quite make out.
14P 32 XX:XX NS
A general feeling that is somewhere
between sad and indifferent.
14P 33 XX:XX NS
Notice I have done a curious thing.
I have shaved the hair off my right leg and grown the hair on my left leg, I
usally do one or the other.
14P 36 XX:XX NS
Driving to Devon I cannot stop crying,
and at one point I think how easy it would be to drive off the road, gambling
with life and death. I don't care one way or the other. I don't know the point
to existence.
14P 56 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that I was inside a room and
somebody opened a small section of window within a very large window. I looked
towards it and got the feeling that I would fly on up and out of it. I felt
that I was not human.
02P 02 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that I physically attacked
a woman who had upset my son. I held her down on the floor and put my hands
around her neck trying to strangle her. I felt very aggressive and violent.
There was a sense of great overreaction on my part considering what she had
done.
02P 02 XX:XX NS
I dreamt of a boy in our community
who is mentally challenged. He is also physically very powerful. He is attacking
me physically. I feel tormented and persecuted by him. Wherever I go, he follows
me. I am searching for people to help me but can find no one. I feel very indignant
that I can't find his parents and think to myself "How can they leave him unattended?".
02P 03 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that my husband told me he
had given away some pornographic videos, one of which was a video which he had
taken of me. I felt mortified at the thought that someone I knew would see the
tape.
02P 05 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that I looked down at my body
and was wearing clothes which didn't match top and bottom. I didn't look OK
at all to be waking along the Street and felt very self conscious and out of
fashion as I was walking along.
02P 07 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of a mother and baby who were
imprisoned in a filthy basement. They were desperately poor. I gave them money
and tried to help them out in general.
02P 14 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of being completely calm and
peaceful at my core in the face of a lot of stressful circumstances. The feeling
could be compared to sitting in the calm spot at the very centre of a hurricane
whilst everything else is spinning around in chaos.
02P 15 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that I was at school and there
was a lecturer who deeply humiliated a classmate. She was in tears. He was also
shape shifting.
02P 16 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of travelling on a coach.
Whilst it was taking a scheduled stop, went to buy boat tickets and got lost
in the town. I was far away and, trying to find my way back in a panic before
the coach left.
02P 18 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of a supermarket which was
completely empty of basic foods and the people had nothing nourishing to eat.
The shelves were completely filled with packets of processed biscuits and cakes.
02P 19 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that there was a person or
a thing which was shape shifting continuously, sometimes in the form of different
people, sometimes objects.
02P 20 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that someone had built a large
arched entranceway, high up, which led to the field next to my house.
02P 26 XX:XX NS
Dreaming of tunnels and tube journeys,
crawling through tunnels.
03P 00 XX:XX NS
Dreams about black men, black babies,
black cat throughout proving.
03P 00 XX:XX NS
I dream that I am queuing for the
toilet in an airport and am at the front of the queue. An American girl, who
looks like one of the proving group, is trying to persuade me to go downstairs
where she says there are more toilets. I know there aren't and that she is trying
to trick me.
03P 04 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am at the bottom of
a cliff, or a cave. There is water at the bottom. think I am with an old lady.
I am waiting for someone to help me get out. I seem to be waiting for ages.
Although it's not very nice down there I don't feel worried. A man arrives and
points out that there have been ropes and hard hats hanging on the rock wall
all the time.
03P 06 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am looking at a stall
with a few items on it. The stall holder is very agitated and goes to pick things
up, then pulls away as though they are hot or something. pick up a small box
shaped like a distorted round fat man with thin legs. Only I can open it, by
moving the legs in a particular way. Inside there is another different shaped
man. I like this box a lot and want to buy it.
03P 06 XX:XX NS
Dream: I am also advising a lady
on what she should wear. I get her to try on a black and red dress with lots
of gold beads on it. I find it hard to come up with words to convince her to
wear it, but do come up with the word 'dramatic'. Two other people are suggesting
that she wear much duller things; navy blue, but I think what I have chosen
is much more her.
03P 06 XX:XX NS
I dream that my husband is talking
to a beautiful woman, who is actually a robot but she looks very real. He asks
if he can feel her hand. I am not happy about this at all. I feel very jealous.
For some reason he puts pink lipstick on her finger. She leans over and wipes
it off on the sleeve of my jumper which is new. It's the first time I have worn
it. I am really pissed off, and go to the bathroom to try to get it off.
03P 07 XX:XX NS
Dream I am shopping for clothes.
03P 07 XX:XX NS
Have been dreaming that my friend,
who has HIV, is in my house in a box, which has a toilet in it. You can see
in through one side of the box. He is very distressed, crying out 'what do I
do? What do I do?' and he warns me to be careful of a mutual friend. I am just
worried about how the toilet is flushing. I can flush it from the outside of
the box, but water goes all over the floor, so I am adjusting the box. There
are faeces all over the floor and I am trying to get them back in the box. I
am also watching this happening; watching myself, and am thinking what an awful
situation this is. I feel very sad.
03P 08 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am being taken horse
riding with two other girls by a man. The two others have saddles but he says
I have to ride bareback. I tell him I'm not good enough a rider to do this.
They all laugh and tell me I have to. I feel very angry and after I while I
get off the horse and go to my room to pack my stuff. There is an old school
friend in the room. While packing one of the riding girls comes to the room
and starts to tell my friend about what happen, gossiping and laughing. I am
very angry and sit her down and tell her what I think of her.
03P 09 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am at a festival and
there are lots of naked men sitting around in the mud, showing off their genitals.
I am looking at their genitals, comparing them.
03P 11 XX:XX NS
I dream that I go to see a homeopath
that my brother has recommended. She is very strange, she doesn't ask me many
questions but while 1 am talking she looks down inside her trousers and has
her hand down her trousers, and she has a mirror which she holds so she can
see up under her jumper. She has a smudge of excrement on her jumper. She gives
me a remedy. I ask her how much I owe her, £40 or £50? She says
£120. I don't have enough money and so arrange to send it to her. I'm
shocked and not happy as I think she is crap. Then I remember that I am in the
middle of the proving, and am upset as I will have ruined that. I wonder if
I should tell anyone, or just pretend it didn't happen.
03P 11 XX:XX NS
Dream about school dinners - piling
up my plate.
03P 12 XX:XX NS
The dream that I am on holiday with
a very handsome and glamorous man, and his girlfriend. I am advising them on
what jewellery and clothes to buy. They are very rich. Their apartment gets
broken into but nothing is stolen. He's gorgeous.
03P 12 XX:XX NS
Dream I am living/camping in the woods. Groups of teenagers also seem to be living there. They are hanging around, snogging under the trees. I am aware that there is The Big Bad Wolf waiting in the shadows. I am worried that he will have eaten the chicken I have been cooking. On waking I think - that is why I shouldn't eat the grass,
because of the mushrooms.
03P 12 XX:XX NS
Dream that a friend is in a wheelchair.
She is completely non responsive and vacant. Slumped. Her boyfriend is there.
They have split up and he is being nasty to her, but also trying to be nice.
We have to take her to hospital for an operation, and are trying to wheel the
wheelchair down a long muddy and stony track. When I wake from this dream I
feel like I have tiny things crawling on me making me itch. Then I dream that
I am getting these red robes and surgical gloves on ready for an operation.
Think that I am going to watch the operation. But then I have had an operation
on my breasts, to enlarge them I think. They have cut my nipples off and they
really hurt. They haven't stitched them back on but have sort of placed them
on with gauze over them which I am holding to my chest. I am really scared that
my nipples will fall off, and am thinking Oh my God, what have I done? I wish
I hadn't had it done. The female surgeon seems incompetent, and I am worried
that my boobs will still be different sizes. I feel faint and dizzy and call
for someone to get my folic acid tablets out of my bag, as these will make them
heal. When I wake from this dream I feel distressed but initially don't remember
what it was about. It soon comes back to me and both dreams are really on my
mind all day. They make me feel quite upset, and I cringe about the nipples.
03P 13 XX:XX NS
Dream I am buying hats. I try them
on and they don't fit me but I want to buy them anyway.
03P 15 XX:XX NS
Dream that I'm in a big hall with
loads of people. We all have a number and as your number is called you have
to get up and sing a song, but you're not told which song until you stand up.
1 want to find out which song I will have to sing, but I'm not that worried
about the actual singing.
03P 15 XX:XX NS
I dream that a famous homeopath phones
up the school to say that a friend on the course and I have to get all our homework
in by the next day. She goes off to get hers done, but I refuse, saying it's
ridiculous and I wont do it.
03P 16 XX:XX NS
Dream that I can fly. Fly over hills
and sea. Then electricity runs out and I can't fly anymore. A very pleasant
dream.
03P 18 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am trying on clothes
in a shop. The designer is in the shop and is telling the sales assistant to
get people to try on the new range - a white silk very gathered skirt with a
strip of red and orange down the side, like flames, and a similar dress. I refuse
to try them on, but then when trying on my own choice, which is dull, I regret
it.
03P 20 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am at a dinner table
with husband and 3 of his friends. A female friend who I regard as being 'perfect'
in real life, is telling me that something I have done is wrong, and what I
should be wearing. I am annoyed that she is saying this, and I tell her that
she is wrong to tell me what to do. My voice is trembling. Everyone else goes
silent.
03P 22 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am part of the crew
on a plane. Something is wrong with it and we have to stop the engine and start
it again, whrlst we are flying. I'm calm about this.
03P 29 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am sitting at a long
rectangular table with the rest of the proving group, and I can see one of the
group talking about me and imitating how miserable I look. Her mouth is very
animated, like a Joker's mouth but down turned. I am angry that she is saying
this to the group and feel it is unfair for her to single me out as being affected
by the proving.
03P 3 XX:XX NS
I have been dreaming that I have
decided to start catering. I get a phone call from the council asking me to
cook dinner for someone and deliver it to his work. But, they say, he is a very
big man, so I will have to cook a very big dinner. I say I will do it and plan
when I will have time to go out and buy a big piece of salmon. Then I dream
that I am having sex with a
very big fat man on the living room floor of my mother's house. I don't see
him, he is behind me, but I sense that he is massive and I can see his penis
between my legs, like a horse. He is sort of humping me from behind and grunting.
My mother and brother are round the corner and I can hear my mother say 'I wonder
what they are doing?' but I
don't care what they think I take him up to my bedroom and I go to the bathroom.
I start to wonder when my husband will be home and I think I probably shouldn't
be doing this. But I decide it's fine and that I'll just tell him nothing has
happened. I feel no guilt. Then loads of lurid green snot is poring out of my
nose into the toilet. I'm very calm about this, as though it doesn't belong
to me. Later I dream that I have very passionate sex with my husband, and I
definitely feel connected here!
03P 3 XX:XX NS
Dream that I go to see my homeopath
for a post proving consultation. It's in my mother's house. She takes my case.
particularly tell her all about my dreams. My homeopath gives me a remedy. 1
remember that the proving isn't over yet and that I can't take it. I'm worried
that she will be angry but she's fine and says I can take it in a few weeks.
This theme of being given a remedy but not taking it because of the proving
has come up throughout as has dreaming of homeopaths!
03P 34 XX:XX NS
Dream that I am having an affair
with an attractive young priest (white) who is teaching where I am at school.
When he brushes past me I get a thrill. I look after his little baby a very
sweet smiley black baby. The toilet at school is blocked. I suggest going out
into the woods to go to the loo. The other girls tease me because they say I
am too posh to do this.
03P 35 XX:XX NS
Dream I am on holiday with a woman
and two men. I keep on telling them how gorgeous all the men are where we are
and how up for having sex with me they all are.
03P 47 XX:XX NS
No dreams, this is unusual for me
I dream everynight usually.
04P 02 XX:XX NS
I Had a dream last night, I had visited
my best friend and forgotten her birthday, if felt annoyed because I would never
do that in real life.
04P 03 XX:XX NS
Dream, I was in labour - and giving
birth, when I woke up my womb region was sore! my legs were aching in bed before
I went to sleep.
04P 04 XX:XX NS
My daughter was small and when I
came to school I had to let her stay at a b&b for children, it was like
a boarding school but very nice, when I went to pick her up nobody had seen
her, I had to search for her, I was panicking and feeling sick but after searching
I found her asleep under one of the beds.
04P 05 XX:XX NS
Dream, I was having a 'weave' in
my hair, bright blue! it looked hideous and I was annoyed because I couldn't
brush my hair!
04P 05 XX:XX NS
I had a dream about an old boyfriend,
1 dream about him quite often, as usual 1 felt how I used to when we were seeing
each other, we kissed but that was all!
04P 08 XX:XX NS
Dream last night, I was in a big
school full of children but I was a lot older and felt out of place everyone
was looking at me, I felt on show, uncomfortable and wanted to hide.
04P 15 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of sex, woke up thinking about
it too.
04P 28 XX:XX NS
After the proving nights have been
packed with dreams, just like before the remedy. It made me realise how little
I'd dreamt through all of this.
05P 00 XX:XX MS
I dreamt I was sleeping at my daughter's
and woke in the night and looked out the window. I was sleeping downstairs but
when I looked outside 1 was looking from an upstairs window. From the window
I witnessed a crime and hid so that I wasn't shot by one of the gunmen.
05P 02 XX:XX NS
Dream I was surrounded by people
I knew, welt and vaguely and we were singing 'Jerusalem'. There was a tremendous
feeling of contentment and love between everyone.
05P 07 XX:XX NS
Dream was snooping around somewhere
I felt I shouldn't have been and heard someone coming and escaped frantically.
05P 07 XX:XX NS
The strange thing is that I've mixed
up husbands again. My late husband would have behaved in that way, not my current
one, I had crossed them over in the dream, and that's the second time it's happened
since the proving, and I don't think it has ever happened before.
05P 33 XX:XX NS
Dreams I didn't seem to be in the
first but saw one partner being unfaithful to the other and the break up of
the relationship. In another I was cheated on and 'dumped'.
05P 41 XX:XX NS
Nice dream almost of in-uterine experience.
06P 12 XX:XX NS
Woke from a dream that I had been
transporting our fridge and other goods from one house to another. I was approached
by parents' neighbour, very disturbed lady who has caused a tot of trouble for
them and has already driven out 2 neighbours. She was in a wheelchair and asked
me to help her and give her a lift but I refused and said she had to bear the
consequences of the way she has treated people. She was desperate but I didn't
feel guilty in the dream. On waking found it mildly disturbing.
06P 17 XX:XX NS
Have dream of looking after baby
and changing nappy. As I take nappy off it is the greeny poo of the first few
months and in seems to be pouring out of the nappy, although a sludgy consistency.
It then seems to be part of my hands and my whole hands seem to have poo pouring
out of them. I awake and have a shower but take ages to shake the horrible dirty
feeling off.
06P 28 XX:XX NS
Had the best dream since a long time!
I had a dream about a person in the school group. We were together in a place
near the mountains, with tall green trees. I don't remember the details of the
dream but I remember feeling so well and loved. I woke up feeling warm and relaxed.
During tea break I spoke to the person I dreamt last night. This person started
the conversation and told me I was in his dreams, somewhere similar to the place
I dreamt.
07P 02 XX:XX NS
Dreamed of having sex with my boyfriend.
Woke up feeling indifferent.
07P 35 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of being in green forest looking
down onto my lap. I am stroking a deer. I am looking down onto her white spots
on her back. It is quiet, calm, serene and the deer and I are almost motionless
apart from the movement of my band. In my dreams I am usually looking at myself,
seeing myself as third person. In this dream I am looking from my eyes.
08P 03 XX:XX NS
No dreams again: Very unusual for
me to go this long without some kind of dream.
08E3 11 XX:XX NS
Dream of death in the early hours
of the morning. Details not clear, but distinct vision of young woman draped
in white in a coffin. I did not find the vision upsetting.
09P 02 XX:XX NS
Dream of being at an airport where
I am helping people who have trouble finding their friends and family.
09P 05 XX:XX NS
Dream of a wound that I strongly
identified with. I can't recall the context of the wound. I felt like the scab
over the wound. I have a strong sense of being "outside".
09P 06 XX:XX NS
Dream of old friend and his sister
who come to visit me. I am living with my parents in the house that I grew up
in (and where they currently still live with my brother and sister). I feel
ashamed that the house is dirty and untidy and I arrange for my friend and his
sister to stay elsewhere.
09P 06 XX:XX NS
Dream father has died and I have
to make funeral arrangements. I don't feel upset that he has died, just preoccupied
with the arrangements.
09P 13 XX:XX NS
Dream of friend who performs in a
concert in Germany. t am there with my mother. I have the impression that he
wants to see me and afterwards go in search of him. It turns out he does not
want to see me and my mother and I end up wandering the streets of (I think
it was Berlin). looking for a place to stay. I feel distrustful of everyone
we encounter, they seem quite dangerous, but my mother is happy to go and stay
with anyone.
09P 24 XX:XX NS
Upstairs in very large room, like
a school, lots of windows and daylight. There is a very large staircase leading
down from the room. There are two stairways that lead into one wide staircase,
alt very wide and open. The two stairways are important if there is a fire and
you need to get out.
10P 05 XX:XX NS
On a large sailing yacht with strangers,
I don't think I was invited. I was at the front with my partner, who is not
a sailor. The guy at the wheel was getting it all wrong, we were steering all
over the place, hit the quay, not badly. In an unfamiliar tidal estuary, seemed
foreign, did not know where (was or where I was going, could not see over the
mud banks. I felt I knew what
I was doing up the front with the sails, we would be OK.
10P 06 XX:XX NS
Travelling back from camping, driving
a van, trying to park when a big coach gets in the way. The coach driver is
trying to push me off the road. I seem to remember asking myself what is going
on, why is coach driver being aggressive.
10P 08 XX:XX NS
Very scared, strange man in the bedroom,
I couldn't see him, but he was very threatening, (Intruder). I was scared he
was going to murder both myself and my partner. Could not see his face or what
he looked like. It was very dark in the dream, but his presence was very strong.
I was scared to move, but I was ready to defend both myself and partner.
10P 16 XX:XX NS
A bird in a tree, the bird is very
high up and I am a little boy looking up at the bird. The bird has a very long
tail and is quite colourful, there was black and red. I reach up to the bird
with a very, very long, 30 foot stick. I touch, stroke and push the bird gently,
as if pushing it away.
10P 18 XX:XX NS
Fear of fire and explosion from car
crashing into a garage. Car going down hill out of control.
10P 25 XX:XX NS
Dream with fear of being caught for
something I didn't do.
10P 29 XX:XX NS
In our house and can hear a tremendous
roar and aware of a massive bolt of lightening coming directly toward the house,
like everything was in slow motion. 1 was with my partner. I think I felt this
was it, we were going to die, it is going to hit the house, I was expecting,
waiting for a huge explosion. I knew a thunder bolt was coming from behind my
head. I bent forward and cowered down. Something is going to get me/us. It's
the end of the world. There was no time for fear. Then suddenly I realised it
was going to miss us, going to go over the top of us, we will be safe. Nothing
is going to get me I am going to survive this. This all happened in a flash,
I woke
10P 34 XX:XX NS
Being attacked, war. Planes circling
around, one second real, then like toys. Must not let them see me. I am hiding.
10p 35 XX:XX NS
Everything collapsing down on me,
feeling crushed and then I escape, I am safe. In the dream, I am inside a reactor
building, right inside the core. I am watching men demolishing the core with
their hands and a pick axe! My first thought is danger, radiation. Then I realise
the nuclear fuel is gone, may be it's OK. Need to escape, quickly. I turn my
back and literally run through a thin brick wall to the outside and suddenly
the whole structure is coming own, it's collapsing. It's coming down on me.
I look around there is nothing. Where is Martin, concern for my friend Martin.
I have some debris and dust on me, but I am alive. There is blue sky.
10P 39 XX:XX NS
I was dreaming that I was watching
a film with my mother. The people in the film look like African masks but they
are people. They are black and there are two sets of people, tribes fighting
one another. Some have shrunken heads. Although it's a film I'm watching sometimes
I'm involved in it and sometimes I'm not. I have no fear but there
is a sense of darkness. Everything is black.
11P 02 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of tornadoes. The tornadoes
were very wide and short not long and thin and wispy. They were dark grey, almost
black. My dream had a general sense of darkness about it. I was in a town where
I used to live and I needed to get to my family to make sure they were okay.
I didn't know whether the tornadoes would reach me or not but I had to go inside
a shop in order to be safe. If I stayed there I would be safe.
11P 04 XX:XX NS
Dreamt of an old school friend whom
I haven't seen for years. We were both in the catering industry and we were
catering for a function made up of mostly people that I know. We were cooking
chicken and chips and I knew that we hadn't got enough food to go round everybody.
However, the food just kept miraculously appearing and somehow everybody was
fed.
11P 06 XX:XX NS
I was in a huge venue something like
a football stadium. It was mostly empty and I was with my husband. In the distance
saw some people that knew (in reality they are people that I haven't seen for
years). I made a beeline for them shouting and screaming and generally being
abusive. There didn't seem to be a reason for it but I was being really aggressive.
I remember feeling quite pleased with myself in the dream as this is different
to my usual behaviour!
11P 07 XX:XX NS
I had a husband but it wasn't the
man I am married to. We were in the shopping centre and I had children with
me. They were my children and one of them was a new born baby. I was breast
feeding the baby and as it was suckling the breast it was suckling from was
getting smaller and smaller. And the other breast remained the same size. I
was concerned that it wasn't big enough, it was starting to look too small.
11P 10 XX:XX NS
I dreamt of flying today, I wasn't
flying but there were huge machines in the sky, like an open truck lorries which
were hovering in the sky at just above two storey house height. There were men,
some standing and some sitting in the back of the open truck looking over the
streets. I don't know who they were. I was watching these flying machines from
my window with some with some fascination.
11P 30 XX:XX NS
I was at work and had an argument
with someone, who or why don't know. Work was different it looked more like
a canteen. I had in my hands a huge clear plastic bag full of miniature Danish
pastries. After the argument I offered the person that I had the argument with
a cake but they were so upset with me that they didn't want one. My sense was
'suit yourself then' and then I proceeded to stuff them all into my mouth, handful
after handful. I was thinking, 'it doesn't matter I won't get
fat'!
11P 31 XX:XX NS
I dreamt that I was abroad somewhere.
Some people that I know were there but the building I was in was derelict, just
a concrete block with no windows or furniture like something left in the aftermath
of war. I had to get to the airport but someone had put drugs in my suitcase.
I knew if was caught 1 would be imprisoned in this dreadful place. I had to
deny that they were mine. I didn't know anything about them. After all that
was the truth. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to get home. I was scared
and the feeling lasted for a while when I woke. It was oppressive and black.
11P 34 XX:XX NS
I stood at a corner with a big plant
that I wanted to carry somewhere. There appeared a man, who seemed to be violent.
I was afraid of him. I left the plant and hid myself. I tried to escape and
took a bus, together with a friend (who was a woman). I hid myself on a seat
in the middle of the bus, and looked around anxiously to see if that man was
there.
12P 06 XX:XX NS
I was in front of a mountain made
of ice-balls and tried to climb up, but the ice-balls came down and I had difficulties
to keep my balance.
12P 36 XX:XX NS
Dream: I was in bed and recognized
that there were snakes in my bed. Perhaps 20 cm long and thin. I tried to take
them and throw them out of the window from the top flat where I was sleeping.
However, they stuck to the wall and cane up again.
12P 48 XX:XX NS
Dream of looking down at a series
of structures inside my chest which refracted light. They were multi-coloured
and bright. Each one contained information about a different person. Woke up
when I realised the one I was looking at was my own.
13P 14 XX:XX NS
Dreamt that the strange bed that
my wife and I were sleeping in was infested with a number of imaginary types
of tiny insects, mainly flesh-coloured rather than black. They were like you
might see under a microscope, like house dust mites maybe, nothing recognisable,
nasty. There were 30-50 of them. In the dream I was frightened; I made a futile
attempt to move some away; I was shaking and crying for help.
13P 20 XX:XX NS
Dream of being held hostage in a
Greenpeace demo in a small river estuary, where they had made small bombs out
of dangerous materials not properly disposed of. I was a councillor and in part
responsible for their not being disposed of properly. Greenpeace had organised
media coverage, let off the smallest bomb as a show of intent, which caused
a surge of water, then let us flee during a countdown for the bigger ones. I
clambered away as fast as I could expecting an overwhelming surge of water,
but nothing went off when the countdown ended and I woke up.
13P 21 XX:XX NS
I woke with an image of insects from
a dream. saw that the tube which comes from the plastic water bag in my rucksack
had started to go black with mould, then I saw it had a number of slimy creatures
moving inside it. Then I looked down at my legs and saw that they were covered
to above the knee with black insects.
13P 27 XX:XX NS
There are three women, one older
woman and two younger women. Older woman gets two younger women out of bed.
They go out into the woods/trees. One girl is ahead, it is as if she is running
away, getting away from the older woman. The other stays with the older woman
and she puts a collar and lead on her I wake up at this point. It felt it was
happening against the girl's wishes, she was being held against her will by
the older woman. I can't make out what is going on, I don't understand the dream.
There is an underlying sexual feeling/energy.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
There is a liver and white spaniel
dog and I realise their back end is on fire. I put it out and the flames start
again, I realise the flame is coming from inside, I see this glow/heat/ball
of flames, orange/yellow gold and I tell them to poo it out, I keep telling
them to poo it out, they do and it is yellow, gold in colour, a normal poo form.
I say 'Good girl.'
14P 04 XX:XX NS
I am driving through country lanes,
they feel high up but close to the sea, it is stormy and I am trying to remember
why my lover did not stay with me the night before and I am trying in my head
to remember and I cannot. I say to myself, "I just can't remember!"
14P 06 XX:XX NS
Dizziness, as if I have stood up
too quickly or got out of the bath too quickly. Rush of blood to the head although
I am standing still. Sensation as if I am about to lose my balance, but not
lose consciousness.
08P 13 XX:XX NS
Lay down and shut my eyes and it
felt as if my head was spinning. Stopped as soon as I opened my eyes.
11P 04 XX:XX NS
Dizziness, kind of anaesthetic state.
12P 02 XX:XX NS
Dizziness, especially upon closing
eyes, sense of disorientation, tiredness, don't like to read.
12P 03 XX:XX NS
Headache in base of my skull like
a hair band.
01P 03 XX:XX NS
Pain in head, all over, sharp.
01P 06 XX:XX NS
There is a feeling of drawing-in
between the roof of my mouth, nose, eyes and a small spot between my eyebrows
to a point somewhere behind my nose inside my head. Also a sense of great heaviness
around and at the back of my eyes which is spreading outwards and upwards across
my forehead.
02P 01 18:45 NS
A sensation of weight is spreading
upwards and backwards towards my vertex and it feels like I am wearing a small
cap on my head with an elastic band at the edges.
02P 01 19:30 NS
I have a headache which started early
this morning soon after getting up. There is quite a sharp pain in the whole
area of my right forehead which increases towards the afternoon. By evening
the pain moves across to the right temple. The pain is much worse when I move
around or move my head.
02P 06 XX:XX NS
There is a pain at the crown of my
head like a weight pressing downwards, slightly back and on the right side of
the vertex.
02P 07 XX:XX NS
Awoke with a slight headache, like
a band around head and over eyes.
03P 02 XX:XX NS
Shoulders stiff and have a head ache
which is worse if I move quickly or not smoothly. Pressure like a clamp going
from above one ear to the other over top of head, pressing in and down on top
of head. Pain in eyes also which is worse for light.
03P 22 XX:XX NS
l'm aware of a ping pong ball size
of numbness, a dull pain just inside skull above the right ear. Pain from movement.
03P 24 XX:XX NS
Have glass of sherry to try to soothe
chest but this brings on a worsening of my headache immediately, clamping on
either side of head, and jaw aches, pulsating pain.
03P 33 XX:XX NS
Woke up with a headache today, pressing
in the front of my forehead, still irritable, been sneezing too.
04P 06 XX:XX NS
Woke with a headache Which is getting
worse, now my nose and behind my eyes feel hot and throbbing and feels as if
its tingling, this is reaching from my forehead, down to my nose, behind my
nose feels tight, and my top lip and under my nose is tingling. Headache is
worse from bending over.
04P 10 12.45 NS
Woke up with very painful headache,
pressure in forehead and eyes hurt when moved them.
04P 15 XX:XX NS
My head feels as if floating.
07P 02 XX:XX NS
Aching, drawing and squeezing pains
in the centre of my forehead, with dryness and heat.
10P 15 XX:XX OS
Sensation as if there is too much
pressure in the head, as if too much blood is rushing round my head. Feels as
if my head is falling forward.
11P 01 XX:XX NS
Woke up with the sensation as if
my head was spinning, my eyes felt as if they were spinning round and round
in my head. This was accompanied by nausea. I didn't vomit but the feeling was
intense. It came on in waves all morning.
11P 24 XX:XX NS
Headache above the eyes, front headache,
increasing intensity in the evening, bandage sensation around the head in the
line of the eyes, extending down to the neck, worse for moving head to the sides
or moving head back. Stiffness of the neck. Turning head back and forth makes
noise like compressing little balls.
12P 04 XX:XX NS
Headaches have been very mild, in
a local area which has been variable, and connected with feeling flustered or
intensely involved in something. I have always felt that they would be relieved
if I lay down and relaxed. I do not normally get headaches.
13P 00 XX:XX NS
Mild headache, left occiput.
13P 05 XX:XX NS
Feel light-headed, top of head not
there, open.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
Intense pain, very pointed, very
accurate line of path in through temple, the bone of the eye socket and the
eyeball. The pain is like a pack of animals, a feeding frenzy, savage, destructive,
all it wants to do is feed, doesn't have any emotion in the sense of evolution,
not aware of what it does, how savage it is, how bloodthirsty. Nothing nurturing
about it. I feel shocked by it all, unbelieving of it, it's very raw, very brutal.
14P 11 XX:XX NS
Tunnel vision like looking through
a camera lens where one area is very focussed and the periphery faded. I feel
like I'm staring.
03P 02 XX:XX NS
Feel pressure on eyes, as though
they are too big for the sockets. Just want to close them but have to work.
03P 11 14:00 NS
Eyes itchy and red rimmed on waking.
Right eye lid a bit swollen.
03P 11 XX:XX NS
Twitch in left eye, underneath, lasts
about 2 hours.
03P 23 13:30 NS
Eyeballs are burning hot.
03P 33 18.45 NS
I developed eczema on my right hand
eye lid which I haven't had for years. It is very painful, too sore to scratch
or rub.
05P 47 XX:XX NS
Pain across eyes, swift and like
a strain.
06P 05 XX:XX NS
Wake up with eyes very heavy and
feet swollen. Look swollen and puffy. Wanting to rub them which makes them feel
better.
08P 06 XX:XX NS
Wake up with a mild pain over my
right eye. Have a sensation as if there is an air passage behind my right eye
and wind is blowing down the hole on to the back of my eye. When this happens,
my right eye smarts momentarily and then waters profusely. The rest of the day
I get a tight sensation over my right eye as soon as I'm in an enclosed space
without fresh air.
09P 16 XX:XX NS
Both eyes felt sore around the rims
intermittently.
13P 01 XX:XX NS
Eye balls feel bruised to touch.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
My eyeballs hurt to move, they feel
so bruised. Like they've been stabbed through with a skewer, pierced, driven
through with something.
14P 12 XX:XX OS
My ears today feel blocked. I am
having difficulties hearing voices on the telephone. They sound muffled.
02P 14 XX:XX NS
Ears feel congested after lying down
like cotton wool in them. When I get up it drains away; sounds like someone
blowing in my ear.
03P 33 17:00 NS
The skin behind my ears is all dry
and very itchy and some has peeled off.
05P 32 XX:XX NS
Sharp pain in left ear, lasts for
5 mins.
08P 08 XX:XX NS
Left ear hurts. It has the sensation
as if it is full of water.
06P 11 22.00 NS
Bubbles in right ear, especially
when I swallow.
07P 02 XX:XX NS
Imagined I could hear a continuous,
single tone, high frequency sound, seeming to be coming from inside my head.
13P 36 XX:XX NS
Right sided earache pain, difficult
to describe - like a lesion with clear pus that has scabbed over - like scuba
diving with mucus in sinuses so there is a need to equalised ears - ache is
at the front of ear, towards the temple.
14P 03 XX:XX NS
Left earache, particularly painful
when I try to equalise.
14P 05 07.00 NS
Sharp pain like a nail going into
left side of nose where I broke it about 22 years ago.
03P 12 XX:XX NS
Some blood in clear mucus when blow
nose.
03P 28 XX:XX NS
Feel a pressure under nose, as if
nose has been removed and that area is being pressed flat into face.
03P 31 XX:XX NS
When I blow nose there is a lot of
blood, like its accumulated at the back of my throat. My nose isn't bleeding.
03P 31 XX:XX NS
Runny nose during the afternoon.
Clear liquid which tickled my nose. This runny nose continued throughout the
proving.
05P 02 XX:XX NS
Nose keeps running but it is clear
and quite mild symptom.
06P 16 XX:XX NS
Runny nose, watery, especially from
the left nostril with sinusitis feeling felt at root of nose.
07P 03 XX:XX NS
Left nostril tingling, as if cold
coming on. It is irritating me. Keep sniffing to try and get rid of tingling.
08P 01 XX:XX NS
Woke up with a cold but only symptom
was running nose.
08P 41 XX:XX NS
My nose was full of mucus all day,
right side only, blocked alternating with runny.
11P 09 XX:XX NS
Dribbling nose.
12P 02 XX:XX NS
Whitish nasal discharge.
12P 09 XX:XX NS
Strong cold. Running nose. Transparent
mucus.
12P 40 XX:XX NS
During the meditation that followed
the taking of the remedy, my nose started running within 2-3 minutes, followed
by my eyes, then I sneezed twice. My nose and eyes were streaming.
13P 01 XX:XX NS
1 have had intermittent times of
smelling burning and the smell of an ashtray.
14P 03 XX:XX NS
Nose running, out of the blue, clear
liquid like water.
14P 04 XX:XX NS
The end of my nose is in spasm, intermittently
through out the day.
14P 47 XX:XX NS
Sensation of weight across the bridge
of my nose and across my eyebrows present throughout the proving.
02P 00 XX:XX NS
My nose feels like it is weighing
down my whole face and pulling my head slightly forewords and downwards.
02P 02 XX:XX NS
My face and eyes feel as though they
are swollen and puffy, but they aren't.
03P 02 XX:XX NS
Hot in face, like radiating dry heat.
03P 16 XX:XX NS
Lips are dried out like prunes, although
I have been drinking more liquids than usual over the last 3 or 4 days.
03P 18 XX:XX NS
Jaw and gums ache, and ache all down
left side of face, gripping pain over left eye, all night and when wake. A sort
of numb aching.
03P 32 XX:XX NS
Started to yawn a lot, and I became
aware I had a tingling sensation in my upper lip and above it under my nose.
04P 01 XX:XX NS
I can feel a sensation of tingling
on my top lip on the right and a small sore it feels like a cold sore coming
on, I haven't had one for years.
04P 05 XX:XX OS
I woke up with a cold sore at the
bottom of my nose.
05P 50 XX:XX NS
Hard tingling on left side of nostril
and slightly above lip as if about to get cold sore.
06P 03 XX:XX NS
Face tingling, painful on left side.
06P 12 XX:XX NS
Ulcer on bottom lip. Hard, rough,
small, painless, right side inside lip.
08P 11 XX:XX NS
Strong aching pain with mild heat
in both TMJs.
10P 16 XX:XX NS
My face has been flushed all day
like I have been drinking great quantities of alcohol. I haven't. It feels hot
and looks quite pink.
11P 07 XX:XX NS
Left cheek feels scalded.
14P 13 XX:XX NS
Bottom lip feels very sore, burnt,
raw, use lip balm to soothe sensation.
14P 19 XX:XX NS
Teeth and gums feel numb. Sensation
I used to have when I wore a brace and it had been tightened and my teeth were
moving, without the pain.
03P 02 XX:XX NS
I notice that my gums are sore and
feel as though they are receding.
03P 30 XX:XX NS
Gums bleed a lot when I brush teeth
worse left side.
03P 31 XX:XX NS
Aching around teeth.
06P 08 20.20 NS
Pains in upper teeth. Feel as if
they are in one spot.
06P 12 XX:XX NS
Brush teeth and have bleeding gums.
No pain or sensation. This occurs for next 2 nights. Never when brushing teeth
in morning.
08P 01 XX:XX NS
Jaw bones and teeth aching.
10P 15 XX:XX NS
Front lower teeth, aching, pulsating,
tingling.
14P 03 XX:XX NS
Gum around bottom left sided wisdom
tooth, feels red, hot, swollen, inflamed.
14P 38 XX:XX NS
Ate roast meal and felt the taste
to be very salty.
06P 10 XX:XX NS
Tofu tonight tasted really salty.
What ever flavour is there seems to be exacerbated.
06P 26 XX:XX NS
Initial few mouthfuls of drink taste
salty.
11P 01 XX:XX NS
Mucus in the throat, difficult to
get rid of, taste of cooked food or meat.
12P 09 XX:XX NS
My wife observes that my breath smells
at its worst. She compares the smell to that of a pig.
13P 06 XX:XX NS
My wife says my breath smells metallic,
like wet rust.
13P 14 XX:XX NS
My tongue feels numb like having
had an anaesthetic and my jaw aches but also feels numb at the same time, as
though I have been clenching it.
03P 01 XX:XX NS
I kept biting the inside of my mouth
on the right hand side by accident whilst eating.
04P 02 XX:XX NS
A burning vesicle appeared in my
mouth, right sided, in internal part of lower lip. Burns when I touch it with
my tongue, but it isn't annoying.
07P 05 XX:XX NS
Wake up with sticky mouth and very
thirsty.
08P 02 XX:XX NS
Inside of upper and lower lip, feels
dry, burnt, raw - feels lumpy and uneven to touch.
14P 47 XX:XX NS
Constriction in throat followed by
pressure in back of throat, contraction. At the same time, sensation like a
rod going up through the back of head.
01P 02 XX:XX NS
I have a slightly sore throat this
morning upon waking. When I swallow have a sharp pain on the left side of my
throat. This is lessening by mid afternoon and all but gone by the time I go
to bed.
02P 06 XX:XX NS
Sore throat started since this morning.
I have a pain high up at the back of my throat and slightly on the right side
when I swallow. There is the feeling as if a large lump of something is stuck
there.
02P 32 XX:XX NS
Tingling sensation in throat going
down into chest, like a tube. Feels hot but not burning.
03P 04 XX:XX NS
Swollen glands under jaw.
03P 12 XX:XX NS
Glands down side of neck painful.
03P 32 XX:XX NS
Gland down left side of neck hurts,
like a stretching pain, tightness, and under jaw on left side.
03P 34 XX:XX NS
Throat feels tight as though a band
around it on the outside at the top. Glands down side of neck tight. Gives a
stiff feeling. Feel as though swollen under saw.
03P 51 XX:XX NS
Had a tickle in my throat but it
cleared quickly after coughing.
04P 02 12.00 NS
Woke up with very sore throat on
left hand side, worse for swallowing, very dry mouth also.
04P 18 XX:XX NS
Woke up this morning feeling awful,
like flu, bones aching, can't speak at all but throat not sore at all! Very
strange, had to squeak through the video of my proving experience. Throat seems
better when having a warm drink.
04P 25 XX:XX NS
I had a mild sore throat. My throat
was generally sore, not worse in any one area and lasted around half an hour.
05P 06 XX:XX NS
Throat burns again. There is a tickling
burning in the central part of larynx.
07P 06 XX:XX NS
Glands under jaw bone, on both sides,
swollen, sore and aching all day. Glands worse for eating.
10P 17 XX:XX NS
Aware of saliva glands in throat.
Pressing sensation, large, like an egg either side, two large lumps pushing
into my throat. Worse at night.
10P 31 XX:XX NS
My throat and nose have really started
to burn like there are glowing embers in my nostrils and tonsils. I wasn't particularly
thirsty but I wanted to drink to extinguish the fire.
11P 07 XX:XX NS
Mucus in the throat during the morning.
12P 05 XX:XX NS
Sore throat, right side, painful
to swallow saliva, worse for talking.
13P 54 XX:XX NS
Throat sore, left side, dry, tingling,
scratchy, definite feeling of nausea at the back of the throat below soreness.
14P 04 XX:XX NS
Feels like I have a frog in my throat,
tight, feeling extends to the chest area. Cannot clear the feeling in throat.
14P 17 XX:XX NS
Dry, scratched feeling in throat,
feeling moves into chest, feels like there is something to clear from throat
a tight feeling in chest. Can't cough but would like to. Feels like you've smoked
too much or have been in a very smoky environment, you can't get enough air.
14P 19 XX:XX NS
I have eaten too much. Eat even when not hungry. Bread, buns, pancakes. Sweet things. Eating steadily, not stuffing face as before. 031P 13 XX:XX NS
Stomach gurgling loudly and sudden
intense feeling of hunger. Daughter phones upset. Was aware of need to speak
to her but also urgent need to eat. Ate a lot and still wanted something more.
06P 01 XX:XX NS
A ravenous and fast appetite exploded
today!! I haven't eaten so much since a long time! It's not about the quantity
of food I've eaten but the constant desire to eat. I started with chocolate
(which usually is not my favourite) and immediately after I had a strong desire
for salty (that is more I like): crackers, chips, crisps, salted nuts, etc.
Feel bloated and unhealthy: I can feel the toxins in my body, especially deep
in the skin of my face. Feels dirty.
07P 36 XX:XX NS
Desire sugary sweet things because
of tiredness. Biscuits, chocolate.
08P 11 XX:XX NS
Thirst diminished.
09P 11 XX:XX NS
I have a sensation of fullness in
the stomach, meatiness almost. I feel like something light to eat. Not feeling
too keen on the idea of eating meat.
09P 13 XX:XX NS
I had an incredible appetite, also
the impression of it being undiminished by eating. I stopped eating because
I knew in my mind I had eaten enough, although 1 still felt hungry. My enjoyment
of the food was enhanced.
13P 01 XX:XX NS
Woke feeling very thirsty.
14P 02 X:XX NS
Wake and feel very, very nauseous,
feel empty, like I want to eat, as if the nauseous is due to being hungry, feel
very thirsty.
14P 04 XX:XX NS
Thirsty for water, could drink glasses
of it and do when I get the chance. I don't seem to have gone to the toilet
any more than usual.
14P 19 XX:XX NS
Sensation of nausea in stomach, like
a constriction band across my stomach.
01P 02 XX:XX NS
Awoke feeling slightly nauseous.
03P 02 XX:XX NS
Wake up feeling very nauseous.
03P 16 00:30 NS
Feel very nauseous. Retch when I
brush teeth. As soon as I get in bed I feel better.
03P 19 XX:XX NS
Nausea after eating sweet things.
03P 30 XX:XX NS
Took remedy. Within the hour I felt
extremely nauseous and I had a mild headachy feeling at the front of my head.
05P 01 18.30 NS
Felt extremely nauseous all morning,
it improved on eating and felt worse if I overheated.
05P 02 XX:XX NS
During dinner I felt extremely sick,
had to stop eating and go to the toilet. Few heavy breaths in a cool room. Waited
a while and returned but couldn't finish my meal. Within an hour 1 felt totally
tine again.
05P 03 XX:XX NS
This afternoon 1 got sharp pains
in my abdomen and went to the toilet quickly. 1 had dreadful diarrhoea with
lots of wind. All over and back to normal within about 10 minutes.
05P 46 XX:XX NS
Swirling in stomach as if someone
is stirring it.
06P 05 XX:XX NS
Felt very burpy and had a brief instance
of heartburn.
06P 10 XX:XX NS
Stomach moving on its own. Sounds
very swishy. Am still able to eat but have less appetite.
06P 20 XX:XX NS
Awake again, feeling very nauseous.
Am unable to stop stomach moving on its own and it sounds very loud. Cannot
face food and feel I would be better if I could be sick.
06P 21 XX:XX NS
Stomach cramps woke me. The pain
was burning accompanied by hot sweats.
11P 02 02.30 NS
Belching , taste of lunch, nausea
in throat.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
Completely bloated with gas in my
abdomen. I am also passing a lot of wind which is smelly. In general my bowels
feel churned up all day after the journey.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
Completely bloated with gas this
morning. I have sharp sticking pains all over my abdomen. It is relieved after
passing wind a number of times.
02P 11 XX:XX NS
Brief stabbing pain slightly above
and left of navel.
03P 12 23:00 NS
Wake with pains across abdomen like
a tightening, hardening sensation, rather than cramping, sort of like period
pains, but period not due.
03P 16 XX:XX NS
In bed. Very hot especially over
top of abdomen.
03P 17 XX:XX NS
Am aware again of pain in one spot
on left side of pubic bone. Very marked and very specific location.
06P 20 XX:XX NS
Abdomen feels swollen and fat and
tight.
08P 13 XX:XX NS
Flatulence, lots, probably from over
indulging in good food at the weekend.
10P 04 XX:XX NS
Nausea and sensation of heat in the
centre of my abdomen.
10P 15 XX:XX NS
Immediately after taking the remedy
I have a cramping low in my abdomen, accompanied by the sensation of a lump
of vomit in the throat.
14P 01 XX:XX NS
Stitching pain in abdomen, more on
right side.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
Woken up by a band of aching, spanning
the two kidneys, the ache feels at an internal level, that the level of the
kidneys, it is an ache that is pushing out, stretched, bruised, it is moving
out to the surface.
14P 18 XX:XX NS
Cramping pain in lower abdomen, feels
tender, bruised, and somehow distended, feel like I want to push my stomach
out as far as I can. When I do it eases the sensations.
14P 46 XX:XX NS
Feel constipated, straining.
03P 10 XX:XX NS
Stools are yellow coloured.
06P 12 XX:XX MS
For the first time since I gave birth
to my daughter I had a return of haemorrhoids. I suffered of them for about
three months after 1 gave birth: the pain was stitching like a pin, never bleeding.
This time they were painless with lot of bleeding.
07P 36 XX:XX NS
Constipation with period. Normally
my body feels need to expel with a period. Now feels stuck or motionless but
it is not uncomfortable, no pressure.
08P 02 XX:XX NS
Increased frequency of bowel movement,
morning, early evening and evening, normally once per day in the morning. Stool
gradually becoming looser and smellier that usual. The bowel movements make
me feel as if I'm getting rid of extra weight, it adds to the feeling of lightness!
09P 02 XX:XX NS
Stools firmer normal for more than
a week. Before I felt I must get it all out, now it's as if it's OK to stay
in there longer.
10P 05 XX:XX NS
I have passed stool more often than
usual. The stool is not loose but just quite often.
11P 07 XX:XX NS
Diarrhoea, intensified, liquid.
12P 03 XX:XX NS
Real urgency to pass stool - loose
motion, with cramping in abdomen, this eased with passing it.
14P 04 XX:XX NS
Pungent flatulence, odour like acrid
vegetables, reminded me of when I had giardia. Feeling the need to go to the
toilet, but it is a feeling rather then an actual need.
14P 39 XX:XX NS
I was forced to stop and find a toilet.
I peed and peed and peed, I wish I could have measured it or timed it! I just
sat there whilst it continued to come. The urine was very clear. I had only
been to the toilet an hour before, and hadn't drunk much all day.
05P 03 XX:XX NS
Passed urine, warm and yellow. Not
burning, just warm and dark yellow coloured.
07P 04 XX:XX NS
The skin behind my vagina on either
side of the perineum is sore and itchy like thrush starting this morning. The
skin feels like it is split. I have an irresistible urge to scratch. The itching
is insistent, persistent and makes me want to squirm. It leaves me feeling anxious
and physically restless.
02P 03 XX:XX AS
I had a very strong sexual desire
this evening which is unheard of for me if I have thrush symptoms. I couldn't
possibly think about sex at times like this. Had great sex and a better climax
than I remember in a long time.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
Itching and soreness is really bad
today around my vagina. The skin is on fire. It feels like I have a packet of
pins in my pants which are constantly pricking at me. It is soothed temporarily
when I wash with cold water.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
Premenstrual symptoms appeared a
week earlier in the cycle.
02P 12 XX:XX NS
Slight vaginal itching. Feels like
I may get a discharge but this doesn't materialise.
03P 03 XX:XX NS
Severe and sudden itching and burning
of vagina. Better for pressure. Have had a white discharge from vagina today.
03P 14 XX:XX NS
Bleeding heavy (a little more than
usual) and still dark.
03P 28 XX:XX NS
Started period abruptly, more blood
than usual, terrible cramps, much worse than usual, pain in waves and lasting
longer than usual, face feels flushed.
04P 07 XX:XX NS
A slight vaginal discharge which
I remember I used to get about 25 years ago.
05P 26 XX:XX OS
Sharp pain on right side of vagina
on one spot.
06P 09 XX:XX NS
Got my period today, one week early.
07P 39 XX:XX NS
Normally a bearing down sensation
in abdomen with period, but not this time.
08P 02 XX:XX NS
Pain only very low in abdomen. Normally
pain across whole abdomen and stomach. Pain feels tight, like a thin band stretched
taught. Usually pain is pressure, a great weight, down to get period out of
body. Normally feel whole body is involved in this feeling of expulsion, Today
just lower abdomen.
08P 02 XX:XX AS
Stabbing pains in right ovary. Reminds
me of symptom I had prior to homeopathic treatment for chronic condition of
polycystic ovaries.
08P 50 XX:XX NS
Go to the toilet, and have a thick,
lumpy, opaque white discharge, there doesn't seem to be any odour or irritation.
It is a one off thing.
14P 45 XX:XX NS
My wife has observed that my voice
sounds nasal.
13P 03 XX:XX NS
My voice sounds hoarse to me, though
to others it sounds the same. To me there seems as though there is a deeper
reverberation as if there is something loosening, as if I should be able to
cough something up and clear the chest.
14P 27 XX:XX NS
My breathing during the meditation
was much deeper than normal.
10P 01 XX:XX NS
There is a sensation as if I must
keep breathing, and although I'm breathing deeply it feels as if it is insufficient.
11P 01 XX:XX NS
Sensation of difficulty breathing
in. I felt short of breath. It felt as if the air wasn't clear enough and I
couldn't breathe in strongly enough.
13P 01 XX:XX NS
Cough up a small amount of green
phlegm.
03P 03 XX:XX NS
Tickly cough like a feather at bottom
of throat.
03P 25 13:30 NS
Chesty barking cough when in bed
before going to sleep.
03P 29 XX:XX NS
Wake up with coughing.
12P 03 XX:XX NS
Dry hollow deep-seated cough. In
the action of coughing feels satisfying but it feels sore, raw and burnt afterward.
14P 22 XX:XX NS
Wheezy, for about 2 hours. Cough
up some globules of clear jelly like mucus.
03P 28 21:00 NS
Chest feels as if very congested,
as though tubes very small. Difficult breathing.
03P 33 XX:XX NS
Feel mucus filling up in chest but
have little desire to cough.
03P 37 XX:XX NS
Bad pain in chest, like indigestion
worse for breathing in. Location behind breast, slightly under armpit. This
stabbing pain occurred many times during the proving. It always went away quickly.
04P 04 XX:XX NS
NiggIy pain just below right breast
bone. Feel I have to breather deeper through it.
06P 20 XX:XX NS
Tight constricting, raw, burning
sensation in the chest.
14P 05 XX:XX NS
Driving in car t have a sensation
in chest at the area of the heart, feels like the chest is concave and the heart
is being trapped by the chest folding on top of it. An intense sensation, yet
I felt it did not belong to me.
14P 07 XX:XX NS
After eating, heart starts beating
loud and hard.
03P 03 XX:XX NS
Sharp stabbing pain in an upward
direction on both bottom ribs which lasts for about 15 minutes.
02P 01 18:45 NS
My armpits are very itchy.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
One weird thing is that another prover
spoke about a dream where she had a 'boob job' and her nipples weren't sewn
back on. On day 24 of the proving I walked into the metal bit the door goes
into which is on the door frame to the toilet. It was early in the morning and
I'd just slung a jumper on to make myself decent as I wandered around and it
was agony. I do not have very large breasts, but somehow I slammed my breast
into this small metal bit and it really felt as though I'd sliced my nipple
off. I looked to check it was still there, it was actually completely unmarked
and, of course still attached. The very following day I did the same thing exactly,
but on the airing cupboard door frame (I've never done this before on any door
frame to my knowledge) and on my other breast. Since then, if my husband has
ever gone to touch my breasts I've warned him to keep off because it feels as
though my nipples have been sliced off. They are still rather sore!
05P 29 XX:XX NS
Wake with burning pain in my top
right arm and right side of chest.
08P 03 XX:XX NS
Wake up with back ache. Can't stay
in bed and pain is better after getting up.
03P 21 XX:XX NS
Sharp pain in left side of back,
over kidney area, when bend forward and to the right or left.
03P 21 XX:XX NS
I woke up this morning with a dreadfully
stiff neck as though I'd slept in a strange position. Its on the left hand side,
my movement is very poor in my neck. Quite painful when I move.
05P 26 XX:XX NS
Felt very achy in lower back on left
side. At same time aching down sides under arms.
06P 04 19.00 NS
Stiffness in left side of neck from
shoulder up to ear. Felt tight, restrictive, as if one side of my neck was shrinking,
getting smaller compared to the other.
08P 01 XX:XX NS
Stiffness in left shoulder, going
from sort of behind left shoulder blade into neck to base of skull, much better
after hot shower.
09P 05 XX:XX NS
Muscles in shoulders feel stiff.
I carry tension in my neck normally.
09P 11 XX:XX NS
On getting up I was aware of powerful
energy across my shoulders, great strength, a feeling of power.
10P 02 XX:XX NS
I got out of bed and my neck was
aching, it felt like it wasn't strong enough to hold my head up.
11P 09 XX:XX NS
Woke with a stiff neck on right side
- there is pain there all the time but more so when turning to the right - feels
like the muscles have been compressed, pain feels like toothache, bruised, intensifying
on turning, shooting, sharp pain with quick movements.
14P 10 XX:XX OS
Sharp stabbing pain in an upward
direction on both bottom ribs which lasts for about 15 minutes.
02P 01 18:45 NS
My armpits are very itchy.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
One weird thing is that another prover
spoke about a dream where she had a 'boob job' and her nipples weren't sewn
back on. On day 24 of the proving I walked into the metal bit the door goes
into which is on the door frame to the toilet. It was early in the morning and
I'd just slung a jumper on to make myself decent as I wandered around and it
was agony. I do not have very large breasts, but somehow I slammed my breast
into this small metal bit and it really felt as though I'd sliced my nipple
off. I looked to check it was still there, it was actually completely unmarked
and, of course still attached. The very following day I did the same thing exactly,
but on the airing cupboard door frame (I've never done this before on any door
frame to my knowledge) and on my other breast. Since then, if my husband has
ever gone to touch my breasts I've warned him to keep off because it feels as
though my nipples have been sliced off. They are still rather sore!
05P 29 XX:XX NS
Wake with burning pain in my top
right arm and right side of chest.
08P 03 XX:XX NS
Deep aching in joints of thumbs.
06P 02 XX:XX NS
Felt tingling in fingertips, quite
strong.
06P 03 XX:XX NS
Intense aching in left shoulder.
Made driving uncomfortable. Feels deep within sockets.
06P 05 XX:XX NS
Gnawing pains in finger joints, especially
fourth and little fingers.
06P 27 XX:XX NS
Very, very itchy elbows, suddenly.
I scratch the itch, and stop because it causes a burning.
14P 07 12.00 NS
My right index finger painful when
gripping - when I feel the joint of the finger - I can feel a bump - it is painful
for pressure - feels bruised and hard.
14P 28 XX:XX NS
I have been having sharp pain down
my sciatic nerve on the left side this morning. It starts at the back of my
thigh and extends as far as the back of my knee. It is worse when I am sitting
down.
02P 12 XX:XX RS
Itchy spot on arch of right foot.
The itching wakes me.
03P 06 08:30 NS
Top of feet itch.
03P 09 XX:XX NS
Pain in left leg from hip crease,
down shin to ankle. Sharp ache and as though my leg is going to go numb.
03P 30 XX:XX NS
Very intense aching pains in thighs
whilst standing at sink. Lasted for 5 mins. Pain so strong had to hold on to
sink and to breathe through it.
06P 01 22.30 NS
Tingling up legs and a feeling of
blood rising up.
06P 01 XX:XX NS
Pam around small toes on left foot.
06P 07 XX:XX NS
Pains in back of legs around knees
and calves.
06P 11 XX:XX NS
Aching along left side of pubic bone
and in hip. Feels like leg is being opened up, like in labour, a loosening up.
Find it uncomfortable to keep walking.
06P 19 XX:XX NS
I am aware of burning rash on lower
legs. It is so itchy that I feel I am woken scratching it. I have made it bleed.
It looks a bit like a nettle rash.
06P 26 XX:XX NS
My legs didn't feel properly connected,
a bit numb.
10P 03 XX:XX NS
Stabbing pain in my groin, alternating
from left to right side and back. Short quick stabbing pains.
10P 22 XX:XX NS
Deep ache in my left foot like it
had been crushed.
10P 39 XX:XX NS
Burning pain in left leg from hip
to ankle, like hot coals placed on the left side of the left leg. Lasts for
about 15 minutes.
11P 04 XX:XX NS
Aching, pulsating, tight in both
calves and ankles, can last for hours in evening until fall asleep. Have a desire/need
to twitch, shake leg, foot, (like a dog would wag their tail), irritability.
14P 02 XX:XX NS
Right ankle stiff and achy.
14P 31 XX:XX NS
Left little toe numb had to touch
it to know it was there. Feels like frost bite, chillblains.
14P 32 XX:XX NS
Incredibly tired, slept like a log
which was unusual for me.
01P 02 XX:XX NS
I slept soundly for nearly the whole
of my flight home, it is virtually impossible for me to go to sleep in an upright
position. This has never happened before. Whilst I was sleeping lightly I was
aware of extremely sharp stabbing pain like a knife recurring a number of times
in my pubic bone.
02P 04 XX:XX NS
I am sleeping heavily for many hours
and still cannot wake up in the morning.
02P 06 XX:XX NS
I slept in till 11 a.m. that's very
late for me.
04P 03 XX:XX NS
I woke up a few times in the night,
I was wide awake and had trouble getting back to sleep, it took about half an
hour each time, normally go straight back to sleep it wake.
04P 08 XX:XX NS
Could not get to sleep as head buzzing
with ideas! thoughts.
06P 05 XX:XX NS
Can't sleep, very restless. I'm awake
but calm.
07P 04 XX:XX NS
I seem to be sleeping unusually deeply.
I feel almost anaesthetised; I don't even get up once or twice during the night
to urinate as usually do.
09P 07 XX:XX NS
Unable to sleep for 3 hours, still
awake after 5 a.m.
10P 04 XX:XX NS
Whole of upper body felt powerless,
really heavy without any strength to do anything, there was a feeling of being
lowered and diminished, like being pressed down.
01P 02 XX:XX NS
When I wake I feel the heat coming
out of me radiating from my solar plexus like an orange disc. It's a lovely
feeling.
03P 04 XX:XX NS
Feeling very tired and feel like
sitting down the whole time.
06P 00 XX:XX NS
Woke with deep aching in joints,
particularly sockets of thumbs. Aching coming back into thighs but only lasting
a minute. Shoulders aching deep in creases as if someone had pulled string on
one point. Worse on left.
06P 03 XX:XX NS
Am full of cold and feet like my
head is very blocked indeed.
06P 19 XX:XX NS
Aching pain in small of back and
in toes and at backs of legs. Feels the aching you might get if they become
very cold.
06P 25 XX:XX NS
Feel stuffed up, congestion feeling
in whole head especially in forehead. When I try to blow up I don't have relief
but can blow out a yellow thin secretion. I usually get very irritable with
this kind of cold but this time I'm not.
07P 04 XX:XX NS
Sensation as if body is very heavy,
great weight. Heaviness particularly felt over eyes like a band.
08P 12 XX:XX NS
Tingling and prickling sensation
all over my body, sensation of being lightly pricked by needles.
10P 13 XX:XX NS
Feeling very mild flu like symptoms,
sensation of being hot, but yet not hot, body feels expanded and fluffy.
10P 22 XX:XX NS
Ankle, knees, wrists, at the joint
ache, especially top of feet, ankles and knees, pain starting at the level of
joints radiating out to muscles along the front of calves, thighs and arms,
feels like toothache, throbbing, pulsating. I am agitated - I feel fidgety and
I don't know what to do with it.
14P 05 XX:XX NS
Woke up with gripping pain in left
side - it comes in waves - it tightens then releases - it reminds me of fibre
optics, where the lights fade in and out. When the pain is there it is like
it is in a spasm, gripped, then it let's go and the pain goes - it is like you
are being tortured. It is like the migraine is moving down the left side of
my body - started at the temple - base of skull - neck - butt - thigh - calf
- ankle - being in the ankle made it hard to drive - the pain was much greater
when I had to push down on the clutch.
14P 49 XX:XX NS
Husband comments on how much heat
is radiating from me in bed — 'like being in bed with a radiator'. I am
aware of being hot, but feel comfortable with it. Usually, I don't like to be
hot, and I throw the covers off and can't lie near to husband for long as he
feels too hot, and I need some space. But he lies right up against me all night
and I like it.
03P 03 XX:XX NS
I don't wear a jacket and am warm
outside, while friends are all cold with a jacket. But inside they are hot and
I feel the same temperature as before.
03P 09 XX:XX NS
Generally hot, and heating isn't
on. Then get a realty hot flush over upper body and face, with sweating. Only
lasts about 5 minutes.
03P 23 XX:XX NS
Flush again when eating.
03P 25 XX:XX NS
Husband says there's a lot of heat
radiating from me; more than the radiators! I have been fine without the heating
on in the day, but he says the house is cold when he gets home.
03P 33 XX:XX NS
I slept dreadfully but mostly because
my husband was so restless. He claimed that was because was too hot. I didn't
feet too hot, but nicely warm.
05P 04 XX:XX NS
I feel more feverish: haven't got
fever but I have hot shivers, I'm chilly and the throat burns.
07P 01 XX:XX NS
During lunch time I felt the room
noise and loud. My forehead started to burst and I desired to go outside for
some fresh air. This is very unusual for me because I'm a very chilly person
and I never expose to cold air.
07P 02 XX:XX NS
A glowing heat around my head, A
sense of heat coming up within me, from middle abdomen up into my chest and
I kept on blowing out air, 'phew', like blowing out heat and trying to cool
myself.
10P 04 XX:XX NS
Body temperature increased all day.
11P 05 XX:XX NS
So hot in bed, kicked off all the
bed clothes, even took my nightwear off. Usually my feet are ice cold. I wouldn't
say I was soaked with sweat, and it is usual for me to not perspire heavily
however I was damp and clammy.
11P 06 XX:XX NS
Noticed sweat in a form of a hot
drop coming down right arm on dressing up. It reminded me of hot sweat as if
in a hot damp climate.
07P 03 XX:XX NS
Wake from hot sweat, drenched. Whole
body. Have to change pyjamas but not sheets. No smell.
08P 09 XX:XX NS
Night sweat, much less than usual,
but wake up in the morning feeling hot and bothered.
09P 08 XX:XX NS
Night sweat, that has lasted for
7 days.
09P 14 XX:XX NS
Itchy in spots all over but no visible
spots.
03P 11 XX:XX NS
Two itchy spots at base of back,
like the ones on my ankles.
03P 28 XX:XX NS
Antidoted with Falco.
02P 00 XX:XX NS
Appendix: Provers own overviews
These overviews were presented six month after the proving had been initiated. These are 'tainted' by the cross fertilization derived from individual prover's recounting their experiences during discussions in the class room. They are presented because they are vivid recollections of the prover's experiences, backed up by their proving diaries, plus, of course, their post factum interpretations.
Prover 1
The most powerful aspect of the proving for me was the complete 'joylessness' I felt in the second and third week. Nothing seemed to bring me any happiness at all – I just went through the motions, and after a week or so of feeling like that I decided to do something about it. I stayed up all night plotting and came to the conclusion that as I wasn't enjoying life where I lived, if I left, and went to live in Devon where my family and some friends lived I would be happier. After a night of no sleep at all I put the plan forward to my husband – it wasn't that I wanted to separate from him, but I wasn't happy here, and I didn't want to hold him back so felt it was better that we ended our marriage for both our sakes. I felt awful seeing his reaction (total devastation and panic) so I backed down, said I would stay and pretended to him that all his efforts to improve things would make me feel better. For the next few days, whenever he wasn't around and my daughter was asleep I indulged in tears and felt very sorry for myself. I walked to the village post office (10 minute walk) during that time and it was closed – it seemed like the whole world was against me and I just walked home with tears streaming down my face not caring what anybody thought.
This 'depression' came and went within about 3 weeks and it was about something which was an issue in my life before (having moved away from everyone I knew) and in a way, still is an issue, but something I have at every other time accepted and decided to just make the best of things hoping it would improve in time. It seemed to highlight how I felt so much, that I have since then been unable to shrug it off in the same way. I now feel the absence of my friends and family more keenly (though not in a 'sad' way – it's just an awareness, and I have also become aware that I have always felt 'friendless' to some extent, even though I have had and still have some wonderful friends. As a young child I longed to be 'the popular girl' who everyone wanted to be friends with – or even included in her group, and always felt that my 'best friend' preferred others to me at times, even though we were good friends and that grieved me continually). This never came out in a consultation before the proving, but has continually come out since the proving.
Physically: during the proving I continually had a stomach ache – a bruised and sickly feeling all around the bottom of my rib cage. It improved when I ate and I had never experienced it before in my life. I took a remedy towards the end of the second month to negate the proving and this symptom went, but only for a week or so. I have since been to a homeopath and had quite a few remedies, but this symptom remains – sometimes disappearing for around a week after taking a remedy. The only thing which makes the ache go is eating. It is not as severe now as it was during the proving.
Prover 2
The main feeling of the proving for me was a sense of reconnecting with people; my husband - on an emotional and sexual level, getting in touch with old friends who I hadn't been in touch with for ages, attracting more male attention and strangers coming up and talking to me – followed by a feeling of being cut off– from other people and also from my usual feelings (de-sensitised). – I felt as though I was in a bubble.
Short bursts of manic-ness stick in my memory as they were very strong – I felt as though I was expanded and massive, that the top of my head had dissolved and I was merging into the atmosphere - that my eyes were massive and I looked wild to others around me. Palpitations. I had to eat and stuffed my face like a crazy woman.
Heat was a feature – starting with the feeling of a lovely dry heat radiating from my body and developing into more uncomfortable sweaty flushes of heat in the second part of the proving. Burning sensations in the nose and eyes. Flashes of anger – including arguing with a stranger in the street,
Towards the end of the proving – the last 2 or 3 weeks – I had this feeling of doom – that everything will go wrong but I'm not really bothered – detached.
After the proving had ended I felt blank and had the image of a barren landscape covered in snow – blank and muffled. I felt as though my personality had been wiped clear – that I had no connection to my past and my future was blank. We did an exercise in class where we had to talk about what had brought us to homeopathy with a partner and I didn't know what to say. At the time I wrote that 'I felt comfortable and confident with not having a personal history'. After seeing my homeopath I felt reconnected to myself, but then in Sept / Oct07 (one year later) the same feeling of blankness descended on me again – I felt as though I didn't know who I was again. It felt very disconcerting and I felt very sad but non reactive - a lack of any feeling of identity, personality or history. This continued until Dec when I saw my homeopath again, following which I felt back in my body.
Prover 3
The proving was overall a positive experience for me. I had the feeling that I was safe and protected. I had an image of a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, which occurred to me a few days before we took the remedy.
Within the experience of the proving I lost and found my voice, from feeling I was a no-one at an emotional level, in my dreams, and in a physical loss of voice, to seeing what needed to be done, finding my voice, and starting a curriculum 'revolution' within the school where I work. During the proving I developed a closer relationship with each individual member of my family and was really able to value those intimate times with them. Sex for fun was rediscovered as well as a stronger feeling of closeness and intimacy with my husband. I also rediscovered the fun and mischievous side of me, which has been buried for a long time under roles and responsibilities.
The overall thrust of the proving for me and its main polarities were connection and disconnection. In my case the connection was a strong emotional one with my children, my husband and the proving group. I was also able to connect with experiencing the joy of life, living in the present and having a clear vision of what needed to be done. I was able to communicate clearly and effectively.
Disconnection was experienced by me in not being able to understand or manage time, eating too much and without pleasure, or a sensation of fullness, feeling isolated and different within my social circle and in the 'outside world', and having days where I wanted to be disconnected from it all and left alone.
Red was the colour of the proving for me. This fire aspect ignited the revolutionary in me, enabled me to see what had to be done and speak about it in an inspired, purposeful and direct way. Something had to be done and there was no holding me back from doing it. There was tremendous physical heat right form the time of taking this remedy.
Prover 4
Firstly the clarity of thought and the determination to carry out things that I knew either had to be done or things I wanted to do. I was single minded and my path was clear as to what needed to be done in several instances.
Secondly, the roller-coaster senario. Like others in the group, I had very low depressions and very high moods, these were very quick in alternating, a few days at a time and quite brief.
Thirdly, the connection aspect, I either felt really connected to someone, my husband (sex) or disconnected,, (lack of sex), this carried on to the group when we were together (not the sex!), the feelings of being so connected with others in the group sometimes and other times feeling totally disconnected.
And finally, the strongest thing for me was the obsession with bright blue, to the extent, if I walked into a room my eyes would search out this colour and be fixed on it. I bought jewelery, furnishings, clothes, and it had to be electric/peacock blue. This happened immediately and carried on for a couple of months, and now I can take it or leave it again. My dreams were of jewelery/clothes made of this colour and it wasn't until a few weeks into the proving I connected the obsessions with this colour.
Prover 5
For me this proving was like a roller-coaster – huge ups and huge downs. The feeling before taking the remedy was one of adrenalin, the feeling in the stomach that you get just before you are blasted into space on the roller-coaster. At the end of it I was left shell shocked – a sort of 'what the f**k was that', like I had been catapulted back through the emotions of the last four years. Like I had been taken apart and put back together again but didn't really know where or who I was.
In the 'ups' sex was plentiful, spontaneous and FUN, in the 'downs' I have never felt so isolated.
The main theme of the dreams was water – when I was 'up' I was calm in the middle of a sinking ship in a storm out at sea and when I was 'down' I managed to nearly drown in a sinking ship in an indoor lake (total chaos)! The other theme was of explosions – planes crashing, chaos and I was a calm observer.
Physically feelings of nausea, sore throats (2 am modality) and pain in the right knee.
Prover 6
Clarity:
Upon taking the Rx. I experienced a great sense of calmness and depth expressed in solving problems fast and efficiently. Kept cool, step-by-step moved towards finding a way to resolve issues. Kind of cut the bullshit and go to the source.
In teaching sense of "unifying" between prepared material, intuition and inspiration which came together timely and with great clarity + increased capacity for objective reflection.
Oneness:
Related to above. Feeling of oneness and sense of well-being when outdoors.
Synchronicity:
past events connected again with present one. Had a dream where I was in a room which was exactly how it looked in the sitting room of supervisor many years back.
Memory:
Improved memory particularly remembering appointments.
Distraction:
At times v. absent minded (i.e. when driving) which led to near misses.
Having all my family in the room and observe as if from the outside.
Dreams:
Calmness in the face of adversity appeared in several dreams.
About homeland.
Sadness:
Felt overwhelming and very deep.
Opposite = expansive and overflowing with love, people and all creation.
Sexuality:
Lots of invading thoughts about sex, intercourse both when awake or in dreams.
Sense of freedom (not inhibited) and spontaneous. Sensual attraction towards women, wanting to get close to them.
Total disinterest/indifference. Worry about being impotent but not bothered about it.
Connection v. disconnection:
Felt either in myself, being extremely conscious, alert, aware, at my potentially best, or
spaced out and going from one thing to another without purpose.
Communication:
Lots of technical things breaking down: cars, internet connection, computer.
Communication break down with supervisor and with other people or finding a new way to communicate.
When well, cut the crap attitude led to people misunderstanding my intentions.
Physicals:
Pressure forehead as if weighing down above the eyes and by the root of the nose.
Heart rate increased (palpitations in the evening) accompanied with heat to the head or slowed significantly (associated with feeling of calmness and unity).
Redness of scrotum (sustained).
Prover 7
The thread which ran throughout this proving for me was disconnection and connection. It began the day before the start of the proving with a strong sense of isolation and not belonging and during the proving weekend I felt disconnected and unable to make connections with anyone or anything; I felt as if I was invisible. This sense of isolation then changed into a strong sense of connection and being on top of things which lasted several weeks. I then became physically disconnected by nausea, fever and an overwhelming desire to lie down and sleep; my voice dried up so I could make no sound to speak. I could not connect visually; everything was out of focus as if it was in a different dimension. During this time I felt disconnected from my humanity, my emotions, from time, the present and the universe in general. I was disconnected from me and could not find me to connect up with. I seemed to have no identity. With the aid of remedies and a weekend at College, I reconnected, eventually.
Dryness:
This accompanied my fever and nausea and then remained, although with diminishing intensity, until the end of the proving. Extreme dryness of mouth, drier than the driest desert, with thirstlessness, hot dry fever, dry cough, dry eyelid linings, voice dried up, emotions dried up, energy dried up. Thirsty, desire for juicy fruit eg satsumas.
Nausea:
Constriction, band around stomach, accompanied by slight vomiting.
Pain – sharp, pointed, like a knife.
This pain occurred at different times in the hip joints, left jaw on opening, head, right side between ribs, left shoulder joint and knees.
Constriction with contraction:
Like a band around the stomach, in the back of the throat, of the voice, chest.
Sore/rough hot throat:
Symptoms recurred periodically throughout proving.
Solid block sensation:
In my stomach and then inside my being.
SRP: Great sense of clarity of vision and perception during high fever.
Polarities: Connection / disconnection
Dryness / running nose
Energy, envigorated / weakness, debility
Clarity / confusion
Prover 8
Connection/disconnection: huge sense that came straight through from the start of the proving – a sense of disconnection and feeling spaced out. Strong polarity with feeling an enormous connection to people around me. A sense of 'being in the flow'… finding a bond and inner meeting point… a spiritual connection. Intense connection at work with learners… able to be transformational. C.F. Fears at the end – dam had burst and I could cry forever… yet with some painful experiences there was a lack of crying. Polarity between flowing water and being powerful and getting stuck in grunge and sludge. Connection between this and dreams of faeces… sense of disgust (waking and needing to clean myself).
Connection expressed physically through the aching of the joints, especially the fingers and toes… the extremities. Joints act as the connecting points for the skeletal system of the body. This was a very strong physical sensation and one I had not experienced before the proving.
Being 'in the flow' expressed literally through a constantly runny nose.
Connections with spirituality – dreams – very spiritual (watery) experience… gift, promise, deep sense of knowing. Sense of joy and ecstasy… the 'wow' factor… continuing to 'be in the flow'. Dream world enables wish fulfilment (longed for horse), that becomes transformational… magical unicorn – symbol of intuition. Rooted in deep sense of connectedness. Receiving messages from voices as a 'gift from the universe'.
Memory: desire for horse, memory of illness… being reborn. Old symptoms, especially painful ones around being very ill, weak and vulnerable, have been reintegrated into the whole.
Purposeful/powerful: 'knowing what I need to do' – waves of inner connection – on my journey… no meandering… determination. Images of walking through a corn field. Very assertive and directive… clear focus. At times almost ruthless – e.g. in relationship with sister – seeing her as 'clawing at my coat tails' and the need to be really firm with her. Able to turn potentially draining experiences in reaffirmation of a life-giving direction, see for example, the experience of not getting the job I applied for and the sense that it was a 'done deal' is transformed into an affirmation of my own path and not being waylaid from it. Seeing the spiritual in the mundane.
Communication/miscommunication: There were aspects that permeated throughout the proving period and related to many aspects of my life including familial, personal and professional relationships. Often technology was involved, for example, telephone, text and email. Conversely in all these aspects of my life, I was also able to communicate my needs and desires in a direct and assertive manner – with my sister, at the restaurant following the theft of my handbag and with my boss at work too.
Cyclical nature: especially lunar influence… tides – giving birth and the passing between light and dark periods. Cyclical nature of physical symptoms including the churning and nausea in the stomach, like a combine harvester or tumble dryer going round and round – echoed in the 2am periodicity of waking with thoughts churning around my head.
Birth metaphors: physical and emotional… panics of labour and birthing image in dreams. Pelvic pains… desire to open up. This was particularly highlighted in the dream that I described of an umbilical cord and then laying in a curled up foetal position upon waking. Many dreams affected me into my waking life. My supervisor commented on how strongly during the proving the ripple effects from my dream world definitely continued to lap against my waking consciousness.
Prover 9
Strong returns of symptoms suddenly flaring from being dormant: dripping nose within 5 minutes of remedy, wild itching from rash that night, aching of previously injured finger-joint, preoccupation with sex.
Mental and emotional:
- Mind fluid, clear-headed, creative, following new directions, but rebelled against routine, drudgery; would only do what I wanted to do, not what I should be doing.
- Calm and controlled, mellow; but people think I've gone completely off the handle.
- Mood punctured by a little incident, couldn't prevent it imposing negative feeling.
- Feeling of isolation within the family and alienation from my wife, felt unappreciated and incompetent as a parent, frustrated, at a loss what to do.
- Felt I would be unable to handle the pressures of everyday life as a homeopath, or in any other profession.
- Wife thought I was forgetful.
- Distracting myself with lots of activity of an unimportant nature rather than doing the things I should be doing; tendency has remained for the year since the proving.
- Two days of preoccupation with sex, impatient, nervy, on edge; need to keep physically busy to distract mind from going off.
- Instance lying in bed waiting for something to happen, feeling on edge as if jagged object was pointing into my back.
Physical:
- Dripping nose within 5 minutes of taking substance and for a month later on.
- Huge appetite first 2 days, with impression of it being undiminished by eating.
- On first night of proving, itching from existing rash round pubic hair area like a firework display with individual spikes of itch.
- Sensation of shortage of breath, as if breathing in nail varnish remover in the air, voice sounds nasal.
- Eyes sore while open, making reading painful, continuing to sting for a while when closed as if they had chlorine in, sensitive to movements of air.
Dreams:
- looking down at a series of structures inside my chest, bright and refracting light, which were files on different people; woke up sharply on seeing my own.
- felt judged by my father and sudden urge to leave home; dimly remembered I had the opportunity to live somewhere else; knew I must go (set around 25 years ago).
- slimy creatures moving in drinking tube of platypus, strange creatures in bed.
- of being naked and shitty in place where people may see me, waking in confusion.
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