Vulcanized Rubber The Homśopathic Proving of Latex Vulcani

One prover's immediate reaction on taking the remedy was a powerful experience that encompassed many of the themes found throughout the proving.

I was looking out of this shape, tried to determine if I was looking through grass. No colour just darkness on this side of the shape and through the gap or hole was light, as if early dusk. Was aware of my breathing, quite slow, comfortable more noisy than usual and deeper. I tried to tell was I stalking, the answer was I don't think so. I was just looking, not for anything just looking through the gap. Then I started to look down, going fast down some sort of tunnel, hole, think it was brown in colour. It was not very big, but I not feel restricted. Possibly with yellow rings of light. I then became aware of my own sense of what I was seeing, the visuals stopped and could feel my muscles twitching, and I was being pulled over to the left. I could hear someone moaning (it must have been me) and feel myself deep down cold cold. Started to feel embarrassed I had no control of what was happening, the muscle twitching was becoming more violent. I felt that I had to pull my self out of the state. I was aware that my physical body was in the room but my mental and spiritual state was somewhere else. But I also wanted to go back to the place I had seen and explore more. I was stopped because I was aware that people might see that something odd was going on, I tried to speak but could not. Used my knowledge of centring my self and forced myself to concentrate on deep breathing to bring my self out of the state. As I breathed deeper I felt I was travelling back through the experience that had just happened. Having to really concentrate, like pulling your self up out of anaesthetic or deep sleep. Took deep breaths, brought hands together as if to bring my body back to a whole. As breathed deeply I struggled to pull my muscle to work, straighten my spine. I noticed that my mouth was dry, muscle sluggish and I was very cold. I still had my eyes closed. I heard somebody leave the room and heard the door bang shut. I remember thinking they have gone for a coffee. If they have left then it's ok for me to do as well. I wanted to leave, as I felt ashamed that something had happened to me. (later discovered on asking who had left the room, I was told no one had, though I distinctly remember hearing someone get up and bang the door shut, I would swear to that) I heard the dog bark. I heard someone say that this was Brigit's last chance to cut the grass, there was laughter. I was aware I was not laughing. I was separate from this laughter, a bit like when there is a group meditation and every one else is back in the room. Well I was hearing but I was not in the room and I felt embarrassed that I had not been. So my desire was to leave, as I was ashamed, I remember saying as I tried to stand, I'm just leaving or I'm just going. It was very, very difficult to stand; I only saw the carpet as my head was hanging down.

I did not know where I was going, but the main thing was to leave the room. I went into the kitchen, it was too bright and noisy, then I did not know what to do, I felt lost. As if awake within a dream. The hall was safe as it was darker, but I still felt out of place. Misha came out, spoke to me I don't remember what he said. I remember telling him, "something has either just left me or something has just entered." I laughed but I did not feel like laughing, I felt very frightened. Misha took me into a room, there was a TV on, the colours were so bright and clear, particularly the grass. I noticed his son's eyes were blue. I did not want to be in the bright light of the room. We went back into the hall; I was shaking, still spaced out. Then I held on to the banister and felt calm, I then felt very tall and straight. As if I was very erect almost as if it was not my eyes I was looking out of. I think I said like a pharaoh! Holding crossed arms. Elongated or haughty, (but I knew haughty was the wrong word.) Misha looked smaller, I told him, he even took a low pose on the banister. I laughed when I told him that I was taller than him. I had to then tell him that I did not mean I was superior to him; I grabbed him quick and gave him a hug, we laughed, I told him I did not want him to think I meant I was superior to him, as I was not. I was still forcing myself to stay in a state of reality, I was more not in the school than I was away from it. It was almost as if I was watching and hearing someone else's dream. I did not know what to do with myself, I felt very out of place. I felt I ought to go back into the room and join everyone else. When I went back in the room I wanted to sit near the window, it was so bright. By this time my skin on my face was burning and very hot. I felt embarrassed as I walked in the room. It was now 45 mins since we took the remedy. On sitting back on the floor near the window, something irritated me but I can't remember what it was. It could have been that the noise was too much and overwhelming. I sat down thinking I should write up what had occurred, picked up the pen in my right hand and started to write. ( I am left handed) There was no logic to writing or moving the pen it was just pure habit.
01P 01 18.20 NS

The following symptom was hard to place but seems important in that it contains the manic energy, the lack of feeling and the tendency to excess.

I was extremely depressed all day today, I feel manic and driven again without much that needs doing. I have been feeling increasingly down recently - like 'what's it all for?' and 'what's the point?' not like me at all, virtually suicidal. I've had enough. Decide to fight back by eating whole Fray Bentos Steak and Kidney pie I have been craving for a few days now (I'm not a red meat eater!).
04P 20 XX.XX NS

Cosy and Cocooned

Mind still, want others to be still, not talk to me, allow the pleasantness of peace to envelope me disowned responsibility.
01P 01 22.00 NS

I like this place I have no needs. I do not want to be bothered by others, and conversations and instructions others impose on me just confuse. I have to ask them to leave me, or at best talk one at a time so I can comprehend. I do not want to come out of this feeling of ease. Every one feels so busy, aware that some feel a bit like me, don't think many are so spaced. I would love to be able to just experience this feeling on my own without having to live in the world and do things at the same time.
01P 02 XX.XX NS

I have found in the last few weeks that I have been attracted to a more base/earthy type of music. Where as before I would have been more into trance/ head type music.
01P 15 XX.XX NS

I felt deep love all day. Image: as if swimming in the sea, being supported and surrounded by water, really intense carefree, loved, supported feeling.
06P 09 XX.XX NS

Thought we should be leaving but felt reluctant to leave group and go out and face 'normality'.
10P 01 19.00 NS

Got home and wanted nothing more than to get undressed and wrapped up in my dressing gown with a blanket and read. Didn't want the intrusion of TV or radio. Wanted to feel cosy and cocooned and on my own in the quiet. Wanted to feel safe.
14P 03 17.00 NS

Felt distanced from my problems. They were there but I wasn't feeling the full impact of them.
22P 15 XX.XX NS

Calm

Strong feeling of being centred, at peace, still. A feeling of stillness. Wanted to be in company but not participate. Felt that I just wanted again to stay in this lovely feeling of ease. My body was so calm. I normally move about, but I was very still.
01P 01 21.00 NS

I don't care about what others think too much and am quite relaxed about things. It is a really good feeling.
06P 02 XX.XX NS

Even though there have been stressful situations today I feel I have been very calm and not emotional compared to how I usually am.
06P 05 XX.XX NS

My jittery feeling has not come back & I'm still feeling very relaxed, even though I have a 'live' case this afternoon - is it possible I ought to feel anxious? Seem to feel in this relaxed mode until events clash, or do not go according to plan.
08P 05 XX.XX NS

Impatient train delayed, confusion all around, wrong information on screens, platform changes, etc. everybody was looking lost, felt like an observer, calm.
13P 01 XX.XX NS

Mood swings from irritation to serenity quickly, surprise myself.
13P 04 XX.XX NS

Restricted

Felt resentful unwilling to take responsibility for my own actions, feel ill.
02P 03 07.00 NS

I feel really frustrated, I'm hot, clammy, restless, can't sleep yet my eyelids are heavy. I keep dropping my pen too. I just want to sleep.
03P 01 24.00 NS

I wanted to move around. I was annoyed that we were kept waiting and people were not on time.
06P 02 XX.XX NS

I had an outburst of anger in the morning. I really freaked out, screamed and shouted, but didn't throw anything. This was followed by lots of crying. The whole day felt like the first day of a new life (or phase of life). I also agreed to take a room in a houseshare south of Exeter although I hadn't even viewed it. This was something I would normally never have done, very naïve! Just that I had enough of all the hassle, anger etc. I did it because I felt I had to get out. It felt good.
06P 18 XX.XX NS

We had to go to another B&B because our regular place was closed - when I walked into the house it felt stifling, cluttered and dirty compared to what we were used to. Had to get out of this house & went to the pub - was offered a bed by others in the group, but was reluctant to accept this because of disrupting the plan - eventually was persuaded & felt an overwhelming sense of relief that the situation had been altered.
08P 01 XX.XX NS

I kept switching from being relaxed to becoming very tense and tight inside and feeling that I should be working on something.
08P 03 XX.XX NS

I feel quite resentful and caged in. Its a bit like going to jail, not passing go and not collecting £200.
09P 37 XX.XX NS

People are making me behave in a way I don't want to. Feel misunderstood.
13P 10 XX.XX NS

Making the same mistakes writing and typing words with the vowel sounds the wrong way round always the middle of the word, probably rushing, need to slow down, feeling pressure of time ticking away. Very aware of time.
13P 11 XX.XX NS

Feeling of being obstructed in my attempts to do anything. There are things in the Way. Progress is difficult feeling undermined by other people, friends and family.
13P 33 XX.XX NS

Thinking this afternoon about all the tasks coming up over the next 3 or 4 days and it all feels immensely daunting. Too much trouble, don't want to have to make the effort. Don't want to drag myself out of the mire - seems too huge an effort.
14P 05 XX.XX NS

Claustrophobic

Trying to escape can't be specific but not content where I am. Getting hot - want to run away, claustrophobic.
02P 03 09.00 NS

Bubbles

Enjoying inventing my own songs whilst in the car driving. Really opening my voice up and singing loudly not at all inhibited. Outside influences aren't affecting me so much as normal. I feel quite content in my little hyperactive bubble.
09P 03 XX.XX NS

Have so much to do and to think about and I don't know where to start. Business is going on as usual around me but I feel very separate from it, like being here but in a bubble.
14P 11 XX.XX NS

Separation

Irritated by lack of unity that group seems to work with. I have the impression that all are very much self orientated rather than working in harmony as a group.
01P 29 XX.XX NS

Felt away with the fairies, don't usually have this feeling first thing in the morning.
05P 02 06.00 AS

Very aware of the weather, keep looking out of the window to record in my mind what is happening.
05P 02 12.00 NS

All day felt spaced out but can't bring myself to Earth (I normally can).
05P 14 XX.XX NS

Woke up feeling very relaxed again as if nothing could upset me - feel spacey in my head like I had taken morphine when in hospital - cut off from everything, nothing can intrude into your space i.e. disconnected.
08P 02 XX.XX NS

Felt the need to be on my own & went a walk in Misha's garden to try & ground myself because I had swung again into the jittery state i.e. a hyperactive state.
08P 02 XX.XX NS

Ears popping - head feels as if cotton wool instead of a brain. Everyone at work says I look vacant. I feel brain dead, but I can feel the energy in my body - it feels dormant.
11P 04 XX.XX NS

Feeling of loneliness - group out there somewhere also proving this remedy but I felt very alone, isolated. Better after talking to supervisor.
12P 04 XX.XX NS

As a last thought, having just failed to make the attachment of this work to an e-mail the theme of disconnection has been underlined again. Throughout the proving there was difficulty keeping up with notes and diary. Losing things became a speciality, at least three paper books and one floppy disc! Now I realise that my computer crashing and needing serious overhauling to salvage information was definitely part of the proving. I had to take it to a man I don't like very much to be fixed, and after an agonising three weeks it returned, completely unrecognisable with a new format and all my documents renamed and buried somewhere. Inaccessible! Something has been erased, all that was recognisable, comfortable and familiar in life has cruelly changed.
13P 00 XX.XX NS

Time seems to pass very slowly. Am slightly spaced out not really in this world.
13P 40 XX.XX NS

Felt really exhausted. Out of it. Feeling spacy and unable to connect.
14P 03 XX.XX IOS

Intensification of feelings of exhaustion and unconnectedness during the afternoon. Feeling isolated, separated even from myself.
14P 03 XX.XX IOS

I have had an emotionally and physically extremely low day. I have been worse every time I have been alone. The feeling of disconnection becoming more intense. Very low. Like trying to see through thick murky liquid - hard to hear properly (especially on the right). Hard to see properly, focussing takes effort. It is not so much that my eyes can't see but that my brain can't function to perceive what is seen.
14P 05 XX.XX NS

Still can't get on with anything, except in small doses. Feel too fatigued, physically and mentally - can't connect.
14P 22 XX.XX NS

Aware that I am feeling disconnected still. Not the vertigo, but just unable to feel part of the world. I can't actually get on with looking for a new job even though I am soon to finish here. I am going through the motions but just can't get in touch with the need to take action.
14P 39 XX.XX NS

After meditation couldn't see very well, things 20ft away blurred, as if I was very tipsy. Strong heart beat and feeling hot and weak, very similar to poppers.
15P 01 18.30 NS

On taking the remedy I felt that everyone and everything moved to twice the distance away from me.
22P 01 18.20 NS

Disconnected from People

I feel angry and upset. Feel that people are laughing at me they don't understand and they don't want to listen. I feel that the people I am living with aren't in touch with reality they don't want to listen or understand people they just like quoting theories living their lives in their heads rather than facing the truth.
09P 16 XX.XX NS

Scared of starting a serious relationship with H, I like to keep things up in the air, Scared of becoming too overpowering in a relationship. It is funny because I don't know if I have ever acted in that way with past relationships but there is this fear of losing my femininity.
09P 24 XX.XX NS

I feel as if everyone around are not in touch with real emotions they don't want to face the reality of pain and hurt everything is just one big theory.
09P 33 XX.XX NS

Difficulties with Communication

People kept talking to me, even though I ignored them, which is unusual for me. I told them that I did not really feel like making conversation, but they kept talking to me. I wish they would go away and let me experience this nice feeling on my own.
01P 01 22.00 NS

Notice that I find it difficult to concentrate. Normally able to speak to people and do other things at same time, not able to do both. Am a little unnerved by more than one person talking at time, even if it is back ground noise.
01P 03 XX.XX NS

All day my mind felt absent. When people spoke to me I thought I understood them but my replies indicated to them that I hadn't, but I was replying to what I thought I had heard.
05P 13 XX.XX NS

I had an argument with my husband later in the morning. He hadn't paid the council tax and the letter included a summons because he was so far behind. I was so angry and frustrated that he hadn't bothered to pay it, especially on top of last week's bill where he overused the Internet. I felt there was no connection or real communication between us. I didn't seem to care what I said when we argued. I was so angry. I just wanted him out of my life. I couldn't speak to him for hours. Later when we did eventually start communicating, I began to understand what his problem was and we made up. I'm worried about the way I acted and how I felt: is this the remedy or is it me?
06P 10 XX.XX NS

Noticed that I keep doubting what I remember reading or being told particularly about proving e.g. how to take remedy, how to number days.
12P 00 XX.XX NS

Inability to think clearly - e.g. looking at mobile phones couldn't take in anything about them and pricing.
12P 02 XX.XX NS

Can't find a place to sleep feel scattered about. Feeling lost, who am I? Don't know when to go to bed, boyfriend told me to go to bed. Feel I might be proving Lac .c, that I am writing and reading about - Feel like a stupid mutt being told what to do. Remembering being bitten by a big black dog when I was three. Bitten on the nose! Lots of memories of childhood graveyards, running away and being lost and found. I thought I was a witch remember dancing round and round in the snow in the garden chanting and seeing the plants come to life. Feel a bit like that now, in my own secluded world nobody to tell because they wouldn't understand.
13P 05 XX.XX OS

Disconnected from Feelings

Drove back to my mum's she was quite down I felt angry towards her but instead of expressing this anger it came out in the form of laughter. I tried to get angry but I just started laughing hysterically. After leaving I felt guilty for seeing her in such a state and behaving strangely towards her.
09P 02 XX.XX NS

Argument with partner, I did not get so angry, more able to be detached and see what is happening. I can't really explain this but I have noticed a general change in the way I cope with arguments, instead of getting really angry, I am able to see past what is said, to look beneath it at why I or my partner gets angry.
15P 21 21.00 NS

Unfeeling

I felt calm compared to how I am usually. Even when a bill arrives for £192. My husband had been overusing the internet. I didn't shout, get angry or upset. Very unlike me. When I approached him about the bill later in the evening I was still calm and matter of fact about it, unemotional, saying he would have to pay it.
06P 06 XX.XX NS

I am either very in touch with other people's feelings or I feel completely shut off, cold and hard.
09P 14 XX.XX NS

Was teasing the cat talking about him and he attacked me! Really savage, wouldn't let go of my heel in his mouth, he understood my tone of voice I was making fun of him! reminds me of this afternoon speaking out and even being slightly rude to people I have only admiration and respect for. Why do I do it? Feel embarrassed and worried how other people see me.
13P 02 XX.XX NS

I feel that I have gone 'back to normal' cried about a child who came to play and said he'd had no lunch, mother had not bothered to take him any down to school - this is quite normal for me, I feel my sensitivity has come back.
15P 46 XX.XX NS

Emotional detachment, therefore saying what I feel like without fear of repercussions.
21P 00 XX.XX OS

I notice that I feel much less depressed than I have for many years. However, I almost miss the depression, feel bereft without it. Wonder whether I am really better or it is just a numbness that stops me feeling what I should really be feeling.
22P 00 XX.XX NS

Ruthless

I had this angry feeling all day. I was very irritable in the morning and then really angry at people and things all day - mainly people. This was connected to a great sense of self-confidence - it felt right to be angry. I thought "I have a right to be angry and tell everyone, I don't care what other people think!". It was a healing kind of anger. I felt like ringing people I'm angry at and saying, "This is bad!"
06P 15 XX.XX NS

Full moon. I was really angry again. I gave out to my mother on the phone. This was followed by crying my eyes out. However, giving out felt good, I felt quite confident. I was very sad all day and cried a lot in general. Overall, it felt very healing, rather than disturbing. I felt letting go of all the anger and tears was absolutely necessary.
06P 20 XX.XX NS

Feeling decisive and ruthless, busy organising my space. Manic externally but solid inside.
13P 03 XX.XX NS

Turn the phone off so that I am unavailable if partner tries to ring me, childish but it feels good. Have never thought of this revenge tactic before, will never tell him, a private joke to make me feel better. Having declared myself alone, find I am inundated with visitors.
13P 35 XX.XX NS

Selfish

Still feeling a little self-centred, in other words find it easy to say what I need.
01P 03 XX.XX NS

Decide today to challenge my relationship with boyfriend, why. Make ultimatum about meeting. Make or break time.
01P 16 XX.XX NS

I am feeling strong in myself, which is great. I seem to understand more about the effect I have on other people. I allow others to make me feel bad for something that isn't my fault. I had a kind of realisation and self empowering feeling that told me to stop feeling guilty and to look after my own feelings.
09P 11 XX.XX NS

I am going to start being more selfish. I spent yesterday listening and comforting him when he was feeling a bit low, but when it comes to me needing some reassurance he isn't so generous with his emotions. I need to get back to me again.
09P 33 XX.XX NS

Agitated and awake when I should be in bed. Head is ringing full of ideas. Play my guitar aware I am probably annoying the neighbours but don't stop until I am ready, would normally feel too shy.
13P 30 XX.XX NS

Another argument, but I am able to express my needs more than usual. This has been a general trend for the past two weeks.
15P 23 XX.XX NS

Sex & Birth & Death

Lying in bed dozing, a white spray appeared on right hand side of my bed, It lasted only one or two seconds.
05P 23 XX.XX NS

General feeling on first taking the remedy was a euphoria followed by giggling and panicky sensation. Felt very much like a teenager taking a 'recreational drug' for the first time - a definite "coming up" sensation. later it was if I was drunk. I felt very amorous.
11P 01 XX.XX NS

During meditation had immediate image of a fish. Shapes came into mind, petal like, like the shape you get when you divide a circle up with a pair of compasses at school overlapping to form a flower. [Vesica Piscis]
5P 01 18.20 NS

A wild party night. Starting to worry about the amount of male company I have had recently. I am enjoying it but I feel like my bubble is about to burst and some kind of lesson is about to be learnt. Part of me feels guilty for stringing all these people along but part of me realises that they are only using me. I feel confused, I need some space to calm down and reflect otherwise it will all end in tears.
09P 22 XX.XX NS

Everything was hard - I had to work hard to keep going with my life and unusually felt quite unsexual and had no desire for sex, which my partner complained about. I felt stupid at work and could not concentrate. I felt that my relationship with my supervisor started off full of excitement and in the end I bored her with my lack of symptoms. It always felt dormant and never really came out to play, although I did not consciously try to block my experience. It was disappointing and not what I expected.
11P 00 XX.XX NS

I have had a complete lack of interest in sex. I think I have had sexual dreams but they have not been intensely erotic, more functional, disconnected or laughable.
14P 00 XX.XX NS

My partner has been bitterly complaining that we don't have sex often enough, I feel fairly indifferent to it, worse than ever before and it is causing a lot of problems.
15P 00 XX.XX NS

I feel that I am being teased. That I am a safe object to be played with for a bit of fun but not an object for actual sex. Feels that no one would ever want to have sex with me. On the other hand there are other things that are more important. Not sure I want it. Like being teased?
22P 55 XX.XX NS

Disconnected from Self

Jumped several times at my own reflection when back at the campsite.
03P 01 XX.XX NS

I felt quite scared of my reflection in the window felt that their was something evil. In myself I felt quite psychotic and unpredictable scared of these changing feelings and impulses I was experiencing. Very jumpy and on edge.
09P 03 XX.XX NS

On arriving home after driving for an hour I got out of my car and felt very ape-like and acted as such. Upon looking at myself in he mirror, I felt very aggressive, as if seeing another ape and I acted out the sensations. I then laughed and became a friendly ape again. I looked very different to myself in the mirror.
11P 01 XX.XX NS

I cannot tell my state from the proving state. I feel very dull and disorientated.
11P 25 XX.XX NS

I have a constant fear of cancer. When I think of being with cancer it explains the state that I feel - the sense of dis-ease. I don't feel my self, I feel unattractive and ill, run-down.
11P 25 XX.XX NS

I have felt it impossible to connect with anything or anybody, including myself. The barrier has left me feeling isolated and discontented except when at home often where I have felt safe and more content.
14P 00 XX.XX NS

Felt head and thoughts swimming a bit. With the hearing still being poor and the muzzy head and difficulty in hearing I feel separated from everything , including myself. I feel in a bit of a dream, like being under thick murky liquid.
14P 04 XX.XX NS

Got home and made dinner though still not really hungry. Felt much better after eating. More content and connected. More energy.
14P 06 XX.XX NS

Distortion

My breasts feel bigger or is it my hands are smaller. Keep looking at them; fingers held tight together, thumb held in. On contact of skin it feels smoother, water feels and tastes wetter.
01P 01 23.00 NS

Immediately feel as if I have two hearts, try to locate where they are. One is central chest other over left carotid area. Lungs feel as if they are breathing independently, they look square to my senses rather than lung shape and symmetrical as usual. They feel like a pair of bellows working independently rather than separately, this is not a perception this feels very real.
01P 01 23.30 NS

Cough getting worse - sputum looks like blood in it. Also seem to be hallucinating - cat food looks like maggots, carpet moving. Temperature 38.5 and rising. Feel like my body trying to force something out - band in centre of body tight like a wasps body. On my own as supervisor at work and only get her answer phone. Sorry Misha can't take this any more have to stop experiment - particularly as temperature now 38.8, still seems to be rising, and feel a swelling on left tonsil like quinsy. Pain in chest left side increasing in intensity. Can't be sure as still hallucinating, but seem to be bringing up blood. Now 3.30 and feeling fine, calm and in control, symptoms disappearing. Temperature back to normal. Took evasive action. I could feel that if I carried on with experiment I would be in danger. Felt resentful angry and out of control. Unpleasantness made me feel tearful, childish, blamed every one I could think of for the way I was feeling. Suddenly I could almost see my self looking down on myself from great height and was reminded that I knew perfectly well how to stop this if I wanted to. Used Reiki technique to push the alien energy back to the centre of my body from damaged bits. Spent from 1pm to 3pm chanting, meditating, taking a walk in the storm, and a long hot bath.
02P 03 XX.XX NS

When I closed my eyes, half asleep, sensation and vision of the bottom of my feet being black and hot - very vivid image. Like charred.
03P 01 24.00 NS

My ring kept falling off my finger as if my fingers had become smaller which was very strange - once I thought about this, I felt as if my hands were becoming very small.
11P 03 XX.XX NS

Thought my child had got into bed with me. On realising I was in B&B thought little girl had come into my room and accidentally got into my bed, lay very still felt spooked. Realised I was wrong went back to sleep.
15P 02 06.45 NS

Invisible

The doors in two different shops wouldn't open for me. The sensors didn't register my presence, compounding my feelings of unreality, being invisible. Once maybe accidental but twice seemed more profound.
13P 05 XX.XX NS

Disconnected from Events

During the meditation that followed taking the remedy, I initially experienced feelings of joy, saw lots of bright colours and was reminded of pictures portraying "paradise". The sounds of the birds outside were very distinct, and there was a general feeling of euphoria. Then the following image presented itself in my third eye: a landscape that reminded me of that after the dropping of the atomic bomb - accompanied by the feeling of calm, but one that was preceded by a dangerous, negative situation. It felt like stagnation, something being suspended. As if everything was numbed and had come to a standstill. Calm and frightening at the same time. Then I saw a kind of mesh composed of a pattern of red and black squares (rectangular, in horizontal position) whose boundaries were blurred.
06P 01 19.00 NS

Went to a party and saw a beautiful sunset, later everyone else commented on the full moon, which I had not seen, I was talking about the sun. Unusual that I had not anticipated the full moon, usually warn others of its approach.
13P 19 XX.XX NS

Phone call from my office to say that my magazine was being closed and all the staff on it made redundant. Initial reaction was ' Oh all right, not to worry' Didn't really register much. Couldn't make a connection with the news. Maybe relief that the job was over - it has been a stressful year.
14P 10 16.00 NS

Moving with the Flow

Had to go to Bristol and as usual got lost. Tried to find my way by means of A-Z which did not work! Called myself an idiot and just let go, turning left or right as impulse guided me. Found way round all back streets to Weston in record time. (Normally have absolutely no sense of direction)
02P 04 XX.XX NS

Felt very efficient, euphoric and enthusiastic about things. Very carefree feeling.
06P 03 XX.XX NS

I am generally less organised than usual, but at the same time don't panic so much. I don't notice time passing by so much. I am calm and slightly forgetful. It feels like I'm on autopilot - things get done without me being aware of it.
06P 03 XX.XX NS

A stillness overcame me which was so alien to the way I had felt all the previous week - I felt in control and not driven by events - it was if everything was unfolding as it should. Although my mental state was calm & relaxed, my physical state was different - blood was pulsating throughout the lower part of my body - I could feel the rush of blood/energy in that area.
08P 01 18.20 NS

I am feeling released and more able to express myself. I started smoking again last night after giving up for 4 months. I realise that I have spent so much energy resisting temptation every now and then I should just let go and not worry so much about things, I am sure it is much healthier. I feel quite happy and balanced I want to concentrate on the positive things in life instead of always dwelling on how bad I am.
09P 17 XX.XX NS

Tomorrow will drive new car for the first time. Expect to feel nervous but notice I am not at all.
13P 01 XX.XX NS

Driving with confidence and pleasure the fog lifted for the big junction, feel things are on my side. Even put my foot down and raced enjoying new comfortable car, going fast!
13P 02 XX.XX NS

At work, mind drifting. I have been in the office for 11/4 hours and I have got nowhere. Not feeling low just feeling washed along and not wanting to make the effort to get grounded and get on.
14P 06 XX.XX NS

Clutter in house today driving me to distraction but done nothing about it. Just want stillness and quiet and smooth and calm inside and out.
14P 21 XX.XX NS

Violence

Takes six hours to drive 260 miles from Devon, several road traffic accidents are the cause of the delay.
01P 02 XX.XX NS

A patient at work became very violent, grabbing a nurse by the throat. I ended up blocking his exit from the unit where I work while trying to explain the situation to irate relative waiting to come in to see someone else. I was surprisingly casual about the intensity of the violence and this concerned me as I was not being careful enough about my own safety. At lunchtime I removed myself from the unit to take stock as I felt I needed a dose of reality!
03P 19 XX.XX NS

In 8 years I have not had anyone collapse on me but the last week 3 patients have, also haven't had any violent incidents for a long time at work but this has happened in the last week. In both circumstances I seemed to cope more calmly and in a more detached manner than I would have expected.
03P 26 XX.XX NS

Annoyed with partner for watching gratuitous scenes of domestic violence on trash TV after we had just watched a good film. Violence disturbed me.
04P 03 23.30 NS

Watched another video again in the evening, Hannibal, which was surprising because this is another scary film I would not even contemplate normally.
08P 03 XX.XX NS

During the 7th week of the proving there were 2 car crashes outside my house. I have lived here over 4 years and have never seen one before.
10P 00 XX.XX NS

Whilst skinning some tomatoes I am reminded of a horrible thing my partner told me about some Russians being skinned alive. I don't seem able to rid myself of these dark thoughts and become quite anxious for company in the evening.
15P 17 17.30 OS

Shock and Paralysis

I knew I was shocked and I felt the shock was from having to pull my self out of the state when I did not really want to. It was as if reality was the remedy state, where I could talk to my self and not need to reason, but no instinctively the answer and the school was the non reality, where there had to be reason and logic.
01P 01 18.30 NS

Both feel as if suffering from mental shock, very fragile. This whole remedy to me seems around shock.
01P 20 XX.XX NS

I turned and hit my face very hard on a wooden post that stands floor to ceiling in the middle of the room. My left eye, cheek and jaw were really sore, I took arnica immediately to prevent bruising and put an ice pack straight onto it. Felt totally in shock, headache, dizzy, had to sit down for over 2 hours and be checked by the doctor.
03P 55 XX.XX NS

Developed this paralysed feeling. Then felt fed up, angry, had no motivation, was not in the mood for doing anything.
06P 04 XX.XX NS

Safe

I do like being out in the fields at night. I have always like exploring but now I am going out at night. I have done some very late night trips around the canal and explored, I don't feel frightened. Even taken others out with me to be in the night. I seem to be more aware of the full moon than I was.
01P 54 XX.XX NS

Brave

Walked to B.B. felt that could see well in the dark and was not worried about walking out on my own as usual.
01P 01 21.00 NS

On the way back to the campsite I turned my torch off in the lanes when cars passed so they wouldn't see me - (my usual reaction would be to turn it on so they didn't hit me).
03P 01 XX.XX NS

Feeling of being invaded, combined with self-confidence. I went to see the room in the house share I was going to move into. The room was absolutely freezing cold and quite dirty, the woman who owned the house wouldn't stop talking or let go of me. I felt invaded straight away. I thought "what a naïve thing to have done, it really sounded much better than it is in reality - have I completely lost it now?". However, once I had realised that it wasn't right for me, I came to the conclusion that I had to get out of there straight away. So I packed my bags and left within 2 hours of my arrival. I felt very good about having taken the right step and having been so assertive - something that normally takes me much longer to implement.
06P 28 XX.XX NS

I have always felt that a women's role was to act submissive and fragile so that the man will feel strong and dominant. Recently I have felt like playing men at their own game, I feel strong in myself and not so caught up in how I appear, people (men) can take me as I come.
09P 20 XX.XX NS

Feeling confident and brave driving home with a detour to the airport, even getting lost in Bristol after dark didn't frighten me.
13P 02 XX.XX NS

Reckless

I feel now that I want go out and play, it does not seem like anyone else wants too. So better be sensible.
01P 01 19.00 NS

Driving fast, window down, music blaring, exhilarated. Just want to go! Slowed down for a moment for slightly worrying burning smell in car, then back to full speed.
04P 02 XX.XX NS

In the evening on the way home I was aware that I was driving recklessly. I was going too fast and I had to really concentrate on the road. which was difficult as my head still felt dull. This feeling got worse as it became darker.
06P 02 19.00 NS

I have this real urge to be reckless. I want to party all night and watch the sun come up. Feeling mischievous and carefree.
09P 14 XX.XX NS

Got to the pub and thought 'is this it?'. Felt like going clubbing but had to make do with Uffculme on a Saturday night. Felt like drinking a lot and getting pissed. Was quite excited and high. I didn't want to go back to the B&B after the pub shut, I wanted to go dancing.
10P 01 21.00 NS

Focussed

Feel very energised and focused. Spent the whole day working on homework. Work that I couldn't be bothered to do three weeks ago. Nothing else seemed to matter, even observing my symptoms seem to he forgotten.
06P 24 XX.XX NS

I feel very energised again. My thinking was clear. I was very focused and able to complete lots of work today.
06P 27 XX.XX NS

I feel really sharp and quick minded. I can tackle tasks quickly and efficiently, done many things. Time has passed quickly. My concentration is good and I can focus well. Quite hyperactive.
09P 03 XX.XX NS

Enjoying work when I'm in it because of lack of internal distraction.
21P 00 XX.XX IOS

Running on

Swam as usual but did not want to get out of pool as stroke seemed stronger and managed to do 2 extra lengths. Did not want to go into Sauna as usual.
01P 00 XX.XX NS

I had gone into a field looking for a healing centre, realised it was the wrong field and still continued down it regardless under compulsion to go to the bottom, resulting in being stuck in the mud and having to be towed out!
03P 16 XX.XX NS

Once I or we started doing something we were on a mission, driven, on tracks - hard to stop, hard to change direction. At first this was OK but it became somewhat overwhelming and I ended up feeling as depressed and fed up with the monotony of life (if not more so) as I ever have.
04P 00 XX.XX NS

Have noticed the last few days that it's increasingly hard to stop working. Once I can't seem to stop. Even taking a break is difficult (I'm rebuilding our kitchen).
04P 12 XX.XX IOS

Feel the need to get going and sort out things (which could wait).
08P 03 XX.XX NS

Am still into watching films, so have probably watched more TV since last weekend than I do normally in a month.
08P 09 XX.XX NS

I became quite carried away over the past few weeks I think I have pushed myself far enough, my conscience can't take anymore.
09P 23 XX.XX NS

I knew from the start that it wouldn't work but I carry on and then wonder what is wrong with me. I know what's wrong, you don't fancy this bloke and you're not in love. Can't you see?
09P 35 XX.XX NS

On my way to bed I had the urge to put away the washing, sweep the floor and clean the bathroom (I'm normally really messy & virtually never do any work in the evenings).
10P 38 XX.XX NS

Greed - seems to be tiring me out, not wanting to end the day and go to bed, not satisfied with one drink wanting many, smoking too much, etc.
13P 00 XX.XX NS

The sense of being in limbo, not fully present unable to focus or concentrate or even stop crying was very strong. There seemed to be no way through no obvious direction, I was being pushed and pulled in more than one direction. I wasn't sure where I needed to be but I had a really strong impulse to keep moving.
13P 59 XX.XX NS

Felt exhausted, heavy tired and overwhelmed, Went out without breakfast. Toe felt bruised but a bit better. Had to go out and get papers and bits of shopping but felt too alone and uncomfortable to do more than was essential. Sat and watched rubbish on TV all afternoon. Couldn't get up and do anything else. Had soup for lunch and then nothing else for the rest of the day.
14P 15 XX.XX NS

Lacking Boundaries

Feel need to shut curtain, which I would normally have open, did not want to be seen.
01P 01 23.00 NS

Go to bed really wary to open window in case something comes in, normally insist on window open. Feel nervous about people being able to see through windows, as never use curtains, don't even have as house private. Light candle for comfort to protect, and brought huge piece of Amethyst into bedroom, never felt need before. Shut bedroom door, usually like it open.
01P 02 23.00 NS

I had the desire to urinate over my front gate to mark my territory.
11P 01 XX.XX IOs

The taliban were driven out of Kabul today feels like an important moment. This quote from BBC gave me a sense of some relief, some humane reality. "Men can shave; women can show their faces and children can fly kites again today."
13P 32 XX.XX NS

Shaved off my beard after more than 25 years. Don't really know why just felt that I should give it a go don't like it and will grow it back. Face feels very cold, exposed to the elements.
22P 48 XX.XX NS

Vulnerable

Feeling frightened - getting very ill very quickly. Vomiting on empty stomach - not eaten properly since first day.
02P 03 11.30 NS

It was raining heavily and I was terrified of it. Anxiety in solar plexus.
05P 11 15.00 NS

Just got shouted at by the man next door moaning about the fact that I am doing my washing at 11.45pm, he says the washing machine and dryers are noisy and keep him awake. I felt really calm as he shouted aggressively at me pointing his finger in my face. For the rest of the night I felt really anxious, still feeling that something bad is going to happen.
09P 31 XX.XX NS

While we were walking along the dark road with no pavement, I was anxious about the cars. My two friends were making me very anxious because they were walking in the middle of the road.
10P 01 19.00 NS

When driving home I found other drivers coming up from behind quite threatening and I drove quite fast. I was scared, as if driving under the influence of drink or drugs and felt if I was stopped by the Police that I would appear so to them, which worried me. The car lights all s seemed very bright.
11P 01 XX.XX NS

Fear that the train moved when the light was yellow shouldn't it be green? Waiting for the crash and explosion, aware of being over-excitable, but everything is intensely vivid.
13P 01 XX.XX NS

Slight fear of dark, bit jumpy. On going to bed felt weak, bit shaky heart beating fast again. Hot flush esp. face better for cold.
15P 02 23.15 NS

Suspicious

Feelings of persecution, suspicion and paranoia all day. I suspected people (fellow homœopaths) had taken my ads down in the shopping centre or had the feeling that a parent had been listening outside the classroom all the time while I was teaching their children. Feeling as if somebody is watching me, persecuting me! Someone behind my back all the time?
06P 06 XX.XX NS

I felt uncomfortable with so many people around, paranoid, chatty and then unsociable quick changes in mood. Ready to go out partying then wanting to be on my own. In the end I needed to escape and be on my own didn't feel accepted in the group situation.
09P 01 20.00 NS

At work I felt a bit of an outsider. The girls were being really bitchy and it was really affecting me I can usually ignore it. I felt as if I was being laughed at.
09P 05 XX.XX NS

When I wasn't talking, I found it interesting to look around at all the people in the pub. Noticed some security cameras I hadn't seen before - thought it was odd in a pub where people are supposed to relax.
10P 01 XX.XX NS

I am very paranoid that I have cancer - that the proving has given me cancer - I keep forgetting that I am on the proving and think that I have cancer.
11P 52 XX.XX NS

Attacked

Sitting next to me in the lecture is someone who did not want to participate in taking the remedy, I am aware that she is taking Rescue remedy. I wish I could ask her not to, but then that is insisting on my needs rather than hers. I can smell the remedy as she takes it, it seems to permeate over me and the mist starts to evaporate from the side nearest to her. I feel the warmth start to leave my body and the slow feeling of shock starts to emerge. I am angry that someone has caused this influence on me. The rescue remedy seems to be antidoting my lovely state. I notice my feet become very cold, then my hands and I start to shiver. I now have to leave the room to be away from the essence of the rescue remedy and the fact that I am angry at someone. The rest of the day goes as if I have lost something, I feel real sadness that the effect of the remedy seems to have been taken form me.
01P 02 XX.XX NS

The whole of my experience of the proving was inexorably linked to being criminally harassed for money by an old acquaintance of mine. I met him for the first time in years as I was on my way to the base-line consultation at my proving supervisors flat, prior to the proving. I discovered that night that she was actually, co-incidentally, renting this chap's old room. When I got back from the homœopathy weekend of taking the proving, he had delivered a letter to my girlfriend demanding, with menace, money he believed I owed him from 15 years ago when we were in a band together. Bizarre. Some verbal harassment, a couple of letters, and 2 broken windows. Things started to get a bit heavy, with repeated abusive phonecalls to myself and my parents. The police got involved and have eventually managed to calm him down with an harassment notice.
04P 00 XX.XX NS

This morning, I experienced being under attack! I went to the dentist in the morning and had the worst experience there ever! He was not my normal dentist, and I had my suspicions even before I went. I thought that I shouldn't always worry so much and try it anyway, that it would probably be OK. He examined my teeth and decided I needed lots of fillings. I knew there would be one where a bit of tooth had broken off, but I hadn't expected so many others! Again, I felt very suspicious. I thought he just wanted to rip me off by doing more than absolutely necessary, but there was also the general feeling that I didn't trust him 100%. He went on to give me the injection (left lower gum), and the minute he put the needle in, I knew that something was wrong. It hurt badly, and the needle felt like a 15 cm long thick nail! I could see this image in front of me, a big, thick, heavy, hard, metal syringe! I indicated that it was painful and that he should stop, but he kept pushing the substance in and told me "Don't do that!". I started moving in the chair, it felt a bit like a slightly convulsive state, and again he told me to keep still. I also had felt this jolt going up to my left eye the minute he had stuck the needle in, and the whole left side was very sensitive and numb immediately, from the shock, rather than the substance. Anyway, when he had finished with the syringe, he told me off again, despite the fact that I had told him that I had felt severe pain and that I actually now had lost my left field of vision. He talked about having hit a nerve and explained it in a very scientific way, but I couldn't take any of it in, being very dazed and confused, not able to see much with my left eye and being under total shock in general. When my vision came back, the left field of vision was "out of focus", i.e. it was not on the same level as the right one. It was similar to the area for focusing on a SLR camera, where two halves exist when the picture is out of focus. It took about 10 to 20 minutes to calm down and get back into a normal state. I had never experienced anything like this before. I don't mind needles in general and don't feel anxious going to the dentist. This one was the "dentist from hell", a situation that I normally wouldn't have entered into. What was extraordinary about that situation was the extreme assertiveness with which I got out of the dentist's chair and told him that I wouldn't go through with the rest of the treatment and then just walked out. He told me I didn't have to pay, which kind of confirmed that he must have felt he had done something wrong himself. Whatever it was, the experience was out of the ordinary. It was like I ran into this dangerous situation where I would be "under attack", but I got myself out of it in time. Immediately after I got out of the practice, my nose started running like crazy, producing a thin fluid. There was also lots of sneezing and I felt shivery. (This continued until I went to bed at night - the nose kept running constantly.) When I came home afterwards, I also felt very drained and exhausted and felt sorry for myself. All motivation to do anything else that day had left me; [I felt defeated]. After a while in bed, I got up in the late afternoon and felt more energetic again. Note: I saw my normal dentist a week later and everything went fine. He only did the one filling and even explained to me that it might be slightly unpleasant to inject into that area of the mouth - I hadn't told him about my visit to and awful experience with the other dentist, so he didn't know anything. However, this time, I didn't feel any pain whatsoever.
06P 25 XX.XX NS

Sensitive

After taking the remedy my senses were immediately heightened. I was listening intently to the birds singing outside and I could hear what sounded like big trucks going by on the road outside. There was also a distinct smell of burning which later turned out to be a wasp which had been caught on the light and burnt to death.
06P 01 19.00 NS

Felt very heavy-headed all morning. There was also this calm feeling, as if drugged, accompanied by heightened senses, being very alert.
06P 02 XX.XX NS

Sounds were enhanced in the room, I thought this is how I have felt all week, as if I had to complete things even though it wasn't necessarily a good time or enough time to do it.
08P 01 18.20 NS

Sense perceptions of noise and smell are still very much enhanced.
08P 02 XX.XX NS

Relaxed and euphoric feeling anticipation of something exciting, starting to happen. Very aware of my surroundings. the birdsong is really loud even though it is dusk, louder than the traffic noise. Can see loads of flying things, a fly flew right at my left eye in a split second I could see it coming even though it was so small and hear its tiny noise. All sense seem very acute - notice the paint peeling on the security camera how incongruous it is in front of the huge blue sky.
13P 01 18.20 NS

All day have been feeling resentful of being touched, having my space invaded by children, want to shout "leave me alone". Wonder if it is all my fault that friends are shallow and undependable. Do I prefer the company of idiots to my own, am I that lonely?
13P 31 XX.XX NS

Irritable

Feel irritable, cooled down physically then heated up again, wanted to stand outside the classroom as I couldn't sit still and I was feeling snappy with classmates and didn't want to say something I regretted. Was irritable with staff over finances - unsure if I would have been so irritated normally.
03P 02 XX.XX NS

Felt really grumpy all day for no reason at all, and antisocial.
03P 06 XX.XX NS

Wanted to be alone, was snappy with others and this made me feel bad. When I did speak I kept feeling that I was saying the wrong thing and offending people.
03P 07 XX.XX NS

Gross irritation all afternoon, can't cope, want to cry, want to shout at everyone.
05P 02 XX.XX NS

Hugely irritated in my Solar Plexus. Wanted to hit out and scream at most people.
05P 07 XX.XX NS

Feeling irritable today at times, especially when there's lots of noise and people talking loudly.
06P 21 XX.XX NS

Wildly angry that I can't get at the computer. Partner in the way, impatient.
13P 08 XX.XX NS

Shame & Guilt

Another mental and emotional theme was guilt - a sense of some karmic judgement day approaching when I would have to face all to all my petty sins. Being watched and feeling strange in others eyes. Being at times very visible, and at others invisible. At times I experienced paranoia about nothing and at others I felt blasé and matter of fact when I would normally have been concerned.
04P 00 XX.XX NS

In a DIY shop, their computer wasn't working. I had to stop myself saying "Is it something I've done?" I realised it had been on the tip of my tongue to say this more than a few times since taking the remedy. [Strange - 'Guilty as if he has committed a crime' ]
04P 23 XX.XX NS

Woke about 7 a.m. Felt a huge fear in the pit of my stomach. Was terrified that someone would find me out. I know I've done something really dreadful and that I would be discovered. I need to do all my paperwork to cover my trail, I've got to hurry to do everything.
05P 08 07.00 NS

I am feeling a bit ugly and unattractive, down in myself. I feel as if I've been on my own for ages. Dwelling on situations and people that have upset me.
09P 06 XX.XX OS

I suddenly got all weepy and burst into tears because I thought I was a terrible mother. Why I am so mean to my daughter when I should be making her feel loved, secure and wanted?
10P 38 XX.XX NS

Panic, I have lost my proving notebook. Feeling pressure to do homework, have lost interest in proving and have begun to find it quite demanding of my time and energy. Am distraught that I really can't find my book.
13P 20 XX.XX NS

Am still worried about finding my book. Make lots of effort but no progress. Gradually emptying all the bookshelves a fruitless search. Frustration. Can't phone supervisor, her number is in the book! didn't speak to her yesterday. Wonder if this is punishment for having a toke on a spliff at a Hallowe'en party on day 19.
13P 22 XX.XX NS

Feeling insecure and anxious. Feel a bit of a fraud, have I let the side down?
13P 22 XX.XX NS

Emotional highs and lows, feeling lost without book and contact with proving supervisor. Have tried to find her number will have to confess soon. Disappointed and ashamed to have to explain my ineptitude.
13P 23 XX.XX NS

I felt I was missing something looked to my right and inside Aggarwal on the only bookshelf not to have been emptied, was my proving diary folded up between the pages. All this time it was within reach just hidden! Feelings of joy, relief, bliss, double happiness, maybe I am not an idiot after all.
13P 25 XX.XX NS

Horrible experience at a meeting at school. Youngest child running around and laughing so much that we were asked to leave (the introductory seminar on Martial arts training and discipline in young children!) Embarrassed but feel this is unfortunate, moreover, feel I am being laughed at and distanced from friends. Women in a position to help turned away and it really upset me. I felt they were judging me and disassociating themselves with us to impress these martial arts people. Unfair. Realise I am probably over reacting but am sure I am right.
13P 31 XX.XX NS

Lost my temper with my son and hit him. Later cried for about half an hour because of guilt . Very puffy, swollen eyelids in the morning
15P 51 XX.XX NS

Clairvoyance

Had feeling of this presence that is trying to contact me again today, have not experienced this during day before. Sensation of cool air on my lower back, and being stroked lasted for several mins until I moved.
01P 54 XX.XX NS

Have made several phone calls today when I thought people had left messages on my answer phone, only to find, that they had intended to do but had not done so just yet. This has happened at odd times before, but since the remedy my clairvoyant state seems to have been developed. I am happy with that.
01P 54 XX.XX NS

Feel able to control my own destiny and fully in touch with higher powers.
02P 03 XX.XX NS

Lacking Concentration

My muscles were very relaxed. I felt very contented, but it felt difficult concentrating on what was being said. My head felt so dull.
06P 02 XX.XX NS

Felt hung over all morning (Did not drink alcohol the night before). Hard to concentrate. Wanted to be at home.
14P 02 XX.XX NS

Moments of head slipping away. A kind of falling sensation but with no sense of up and down. Losing balance. Trying hard to start on homework and I'm finding it hard to concentrate again. Mental work is soporific. It is almost painful but the harder I try to think the worse I feel. Feeling of heaviness, of sinking.
14P 09 14.00 NS

Slight but constant swimming in the head. Hard to concentrate, particularly towards the end of the working day. Felt I had been totally unproductive but I had done a number of things that need doing.
14P 19 XX.XX NS

Confused

Today have been a bit muddled, (a blonde day say some) normally can be quite professional and real off the answers quite well, but today had to concentrate to drag the answers out of my brain.
01P 03 XX.XX NS

When I drove from college to Uffculme corner it seemed to take much longer than usual, I became convinced I was on the wrong road.
03P 01 20.00 NS

I felt confused when being driven to the airport. The lanes on the motorway seemed wrong - I could not decide whether the other cars are in the right lane - are we in Britain or Germany? I don't normally get confused about this, having lived in Ireland for 7 years, I am used to driving on the left side of the road!
06P 02 XX.XX NS

I am judging car headlights wrong - the brightness - people flash me with full beam and I do not know why. I am like a speeding dark black fast moving mass that scares people so they have to illuminate me to see what on earth I am. (Driving at night).
11P 27 XX.XX NS

Going to lunch with friend got confused on the way as to who I was going to lunch with and had to concentrate very hard to decide between three apparently possible people! (None of whom I usually see for lunch) Then sailed past turnings and shops several times despite being on very familiar ground - seemed to forget where I was going. Felt very confused.
12P 08 XX.XX NS

More mistakes typing words, usually would feel a mistake, like playing a piano and hitting a wrong note.
13P 12 XX.XX NS

Disappear without saying goodbye, shoot off and get very lost. Instead of stopping to consider I follow my nose and drive totally the wrong way. Fail to recognise the route home, familiar roundabouts seem absolutely unknown to me, reading the signs, racing to make up lost time. The lights are bright and glaring.
13P 30 XX.XX NS

Very forgetful, like when I was pregnant, cannot finish a job or remember to lock doors, etc. Went shopping and forgot to bring the car home! Feel lost and slowed down by all the traumas. Feels heavy and slow, thinking is this depression?
13P 49 XX.XX NS

Being outside of home - particularly outside, walking the streets, I have felt directionless and lost and this has been connected I think to constantly taking wrong turnings, though this has been more in the car.
14P 00 XX.XX NS

Seconds of complete disorientation. Like being spun upside-down and round and round. Not sure which way is up just for a few seconds at a time. Lasted about 30mins on and off.
14P 07 14.00 NS

Still doing odd confused clumsy things. Tried to sign the bill with the wrong end of the pen. Being forgetful, losing my way.
14P 24 XX.XX NS

Clumsy

Knocked a cup of tea off the side unit in a pretty sudden and surprising way!
03P 02 17.00 NS

Didn't want to go out at all but had to go to dance class at 20.00 for an hour. On a journey I know well I took wrong turnings twice I just couldn't pull myself together to concentrate on where I was and where I was going. So much effort. Usually tired disconnected feelings would lift while dancing but I couldn't shake it off. Made lots of mistakes with steps, couldn't get into the rhythm of the music. All seemed like too much hard work. Couldn't connect. Glad when we finished.
14P 04 XX.XX NS

Out of Control

I have such a sense of physical energy around me. I can almost touch it, it seems as if sparks, and little balls of energy are whizzing around the room. My thoughts are so fast I am amazed how quickly I can type. I seem to know exactly how to express my self, it makes me laugh allowed ( aloud- interesting spelling mistake) with happiness.
01P 32 XX.XX NS

Fridge broke down this morning and put very old one on to get cold then went to church leaving 18 yr old daughter alone, asleep in bed. Got to church and suddenly remembered checking the old fridge to see if it was getting cold and noticing that the condenser was warm. Suddenly thought it shouldn't have been and that the fridge was faulty and became convinced that the fridge had caught fire, set the house alight and afraid that my daughter would not wake (even though we have smoke alarms, including one just outside her door) that she would be trapped and burned alive. Fought with this through first part of service but eventually decided I had to go home and check. Drove home to neighbouring village. I wasn't panicking but seemed to be quite calm on journey. Realised at one point that the house couldn't be well alight because by then I would see the smoke! Arrived back, all looked well but had to go in to room to check fridge was really ok. Drove back to church just in time to catch end of service and found I was quite shaky and tearful for about ten minutes before I managed to pull myself together. Don't know if this was because I had been worried or because I felt concerned that I had reacted to such an irrational fear. However when I left sometime later, I went home in one direction while my husband (who had been taking the service, not sitting with me) went in the opposite direction and briefly became worried that as I wasn't following him he might be in an accident and I wouldn't find him. After the previous performance I was able to brush this aside and was by now thinking that this might be connected to the proving. Do not ever remember doing this before - usually very calm and sensible about danger to children etc.
12P 12 XX.XX NS

Blurted out what was being expressed in the atmosphere. Immediately felt embarrassed felt I was being cheeky, provocative, no control of thought to speech pattern.
13P 02 XX.XX NS

Feeling quite unreal, detached from everything happening around me. Get so impatient that I have to cover my face to stop myself from shouting or screaming or swearing at the children. Thought I might fall over with the strain of not saying anything. Don't want to cause a big fight.. Mood swings from tranquil to raging without warning, suddenly lose control. Might feel better from eating but food is difficult to eat. Like raw salad vegetables, to cool me down, but don't feel hungry forgetting to eat.
13P 05 XX.XX NS

Feeling of chaos hung around all day. Feeling tense and uncontrollable, everything is buzzing.
13P 23 XX.XX NS

Dreams of dreaming and lucid dreams	Danger and violence	Dangerous animals
Dangerous ghosts	Children & animals in danger, abused or deformed
Shame & guilt	Privacy & embarrassment	Sex & sexual imagery
Dirt	Disease
Communication & foreign languages	Obstruction & doors	Things are incomplete
Clothing & possessions	Loosing teeth or toes	Dichotomies
Other significant dreams	Other dreams

Woke once I think, questioning am I awake or am I dreaming that I am awake. Is it night or is it day in my bedroom.
01P 03 XX.XX NS

Dreamt of being on a train, aware in dream that someone was on the track about to shine a laser beam into the eyes of the passengers, so we looked away to prevent the beam going into our eyes, but due to the trees flashing by we all passed out, like an induced epileptic state causing unconscious. Resumed consciousness as train was coming into sidings. Still in the dream I was aware that I was about being in the unconscious state, and aware that I was dreaming in my dream. I have never experienced this state of dreaming I was dreaming except since taking the remedy.
01P 05 XX.XX NS

Dream about dreaming again. I wake up and I realise I am still in my dream. This is a constant symptom that I have never experienced prior to taking this remedy and now has happened at least 6-7 times.
01P 22 XX.XX NS

Dream remember saying "are you dreaming" to someone in dream, aware of being able to orchestrate dream. Woke up feeling as if I haven't been asleep at all.
13P 31 XX.XX NS

Danger and violence

I was in a group? the military? Under threat - my van had a 'bug' which was a harmful illness somewhere in the back of it so I had to wash all my clothes, sheets etc., but I had packed up my house so had to stand my washing machine in the street and run it off the car!. It seemed to take ages. Meanwhile people were ready to leave their work to drive off elsewhere. There were news teams there too. Then a large egg fell from the sky and exploded a big caravan. We were giving commiseration to the military people in losing colleagues. I was waiting for the washing to finish and couldn't work out how to pack it wet. Striking feeling on waking was surprise that I had no fear of this 'bug'.
03P 10 XX.XX NS

Some men own a house where other people live but beat them up regularly. My friend lives there. It is impossible to get away from these guys when they arrive. I was visiting my friend and her son, and in the night the door was knocked. I was scared, knew it must be them and asked her if she usually ran away at this point. She said she couldn't and went to let them in - I thought she'd say her son was asleep but I hid under the bed and kept quiet. Next thing I was being pulled out by the feet and was really scared.
03P 25 XX.XX NS

Being made to swim in a river with a few others which we knew led to a really cold sea - got in and then out fairly soon. Walked over a bridge, a close friend went into the faster river - I was scared of doing this and worried about her drowning.
03P 28 XX.XX NS

I was leading a group of 5 adults and children out of a snowy town which had been taken over in war and their lives were at risk. I was wearing a white cape with a hood to look like a monk and at times they were in a vehicle, at other times walking behind me. The cape had press studs on the front and one of the adults kept holding it too tight and the cape pulled off, revealing my true identity so I got irate telling her to hold it more gently.
03P 30 XX.XX NS

Trapped in a house with someone familiar to me but I can't recognize. A man was trying to keep us there. Got to a phone and dialled 999, spoke to my mother (weird as no one would call my mother in an emergency). I told her to send the police, she seemed very calm. I thought "Thank goodness that's all done with".
05P 04 XX.XX NS

This is what I call the "persecution dream". In it, I was in an airport building, going down an escalator, when these four or five men approached and kind of circled/surrounded me. I felt that I had to get away from them, so I stepped away a bit and was on my own again. After a while, they came again and I knew now they definitely meant danger. I sort of felt guilty, but I knew I hadn't done anything to offend them or anybody else. I managed to run away and came to this big open window. I looked out of it into a courtyard, and I saw a potential escape route over the roofs that were underneath the window. I saw that they would lead me down into the courtyard. So I escaped through the window. In the courtyard, I saw this little shed (like a tiny house) with a garden in front and hid in it, knowing that this was probably a stupid hiding place and that they would find me there sooner or later. I felt I should leave and look for better alternatives, but I stayed nevertheless. After a while, two of the guys appeared, both with guns. They found me hiding under a bush or something (can't remember), and the first one pointed his gun at me. He fired it, but had run out of bullets, so couldn't kill me. I saw how the other one was getting ready, but jumped up, grabbed the gun and pointed it at him, so he ended up shooting himself. The feeling after that was that I had indeed escaped, but it was quite a narrow one. I woke up afterwards and felt really agitated and awake. I knew this was one of the key dreams I had had for a while. Very graphic and real. Woke up at 4 am, sleepless afterwards with feeling of threat.
06P 12 XX.XX NS

I was in a van (with a friend) and the brakes wouldn't work. I couldn't stop it. I did eventually manage to stop it but I felt scared.
06P 12 XX.XX NS

I woke up after a bad dream. In the dream, a man had come into my bedroom I was lying on my stomach in bed. He lay on top of me. I pretended to be asleep. He got off me, but stayed in the room. When I got a chance, I ran out of the room, but in the next room were other people who wouldn't let me escape. I felt I was a prisoner.
06P 30 XX.XX NS

Being at the fairground on a big wheel type ride. Feeling very unsafe.
09P 03 XX.XX NS

A dream on a boat where I stepped out of a door onto the side of the ship, which was rolling about in a storm and there were no railings. I warned two kids about this who were messing around.
11P 08 XX.XX NS

I have a dream that I live in a white cottage in a tourist seaside place, like Boscastle in Cornwall. I am doing something to the outside of my cottage and two blokes come and look at what I am doing and peer, into my door. They go inside, seeing my girlfriend and hassle her - taunt her sexually and ogle her. I go in and manhandle them out of the house aggressively but I am disturbed because I feel that I do not have the physical strength to really back up my aggression. This surprises me in the dream, yet I do get rid of them.
11P 26 XX.XX NS

Dream of WWII, I am married to a man (an ex boyfriend) we are outside under the stars, a bomb falls and he is hit with shrapnel in the leg. He is dying but no one has told me, he only has 4 hours to live but he is smiling at me.
15P 38 XX.XX NS

Dream I am driving a car with no brakes, I drive up a very steep hill but discover that it is a one way system and I am going the wrong way - I feel very out of control.
15P 39 XX.XX NS

I dream I have been taken prisoner by a strange gang (like a cult) of young men. They have kept me hidden for years and I have had a baby by one of them. I am always trying to escape, the dream spans about two years.
15P 42 XX.XX NS

On a bus to London lots of dreams of accidents happening all around me. Have had other dreams of accidents but not happening to me.
22P 20 XX.XX NS

Dangerous animals

Dream - I had a pet python snake in a glass cage in my shop/ tearoom and a woman wanted to borrow it. I was telling her how to hold it but didn't get round to (and didn't want to) pick it up myself. I kept making cups of coffee and spilling them on the table and floor in a clumsy way.
03P 03 XX.XX NS

Green snake was trying to attack me and I kept having to throw it away to protect myself but it just kept coming back.
09P 16 XX.XX NS

Dreams of very busy decision making, image of being dragged along by an angry dog on a lead, with a leather and studded collar. A short muscular fighting dog bull-terrior? Feeling it was an effort to restrain and control the dog no choice as to where he was taking me. Gnashing and growling, looking for a fight. Feelings of growing anger and impatience.
13P 05 XX.XX NS

Dream - I am in a supermarket, there are two tigers prowling around. I climb onto the shelves to escape, they look at me but do not try to get me. I have had 4-5 dreams of tigers in the past, they are usually terrifying, this one was just anxious.
15P 03 XX.XX OS

Dream of crocodile chasing me, very scary, told my partner to get a gun, felt very scared afterwards when I woke up.
15P 54 XX.XX NS

Dream: A raven had flown in the bathroom window and I caught it to put it out of the window. I could feel its claws digging into my chest as I held it and the sensation and pain were incredibly real.
22P 16 XX.XX NS

Dangerous ghosts

I had a dream that I had been working in an old church-like building all day. I left for the day and everything was locked up for the night. Then I remembered that I'd forgotten something in the building. I went back and saw ghost-like people dressed in puritan-quaker clothes of the 17th century. They all turned round solemnly and looked at me. They telepathically said. "You must do your duty, you must do what is expected of you."
06P 39 XX.XX NS

My Nan had come around to stay. In my dream I had woke during the night from noises downstairs. My Nan was screaming and there was a constant knocking on the downstairs door. I ran downstairs to find my Nan in the kitchen the room was trashed and my Nan was standing there hysterical and petrified. There had been poltergeists in the house and as I looked around towards the stairs I saw a large phantom black beast run up the stairs. A powerful spine-chilling dream which left me quite freaked out.
09P 07 XX.XX NS

Danger from an angry ghost - experienced as heat under a grave-stone.
21P 00 XX.XX NS

Children & animals in danger, abused or deformed

Dream where I was at a school fete and some children were planting sprouts, while others watched creatures hatching - there were creatures with large sea-shells as covers with black webbed feet sticking out underneath - they were hatching from the shells - running around like this, also eggs hatching - some of them with birds inside, others with large spiders inside, all eggs looked the same. There were other creatures which were insects hatching, white and squashed, unfolding visibly - they were slightly translucent creatures which shook out their antennae and so on while hatching.
03P 04 XX.XX NS

Dream, had caravan - camping at the bottom field of a big house, looking after children, a 2 year old was sitting on railway tracks on the other side, a train went through, I was worried about him but he was ok.
03P 14 XX.XX NS

Dreamt that I was pregnant and my time had come to give birth. Got admitted to hospital -more like a big school with lots of other women about to give birth. I had no contractions. Was there for ages, others gave birth but nothing happening for me. I had to put my hand inside myself to feel what was happening - pulled out two hard balls of faeces from my womb. Could still feel another lump so thought that was the baby. Got left alone to continue as everyone else had had their baby. Nothing happened so I went around the 'school' classes looking for the midwife who was also a teacher. I didn't find one. Eventually came to the conclusion that I wasn't pregnant but rather distended from constipation. Earlier in the dream, not sure where, I was helping an adult girl put on a nappy as she was incontinent and very 'juvenile'.
03P 38 XX.XX NS

Dreamt about my Alsatian dog (which I would like but haven't got) who wouldn't come when called so this man I knew (one of my son's school teachers) beat him around the ears & I was sobbing for him to stop as it would deafen the animal, the dog was bleeding around his right ear & I was very upset and weepy.
08P 08 XX.XX NS

I was giving birth to a baby and I felt certain that the afterbirth was still inside even though the nurses assured me it had been expelled. I was more interested in this than the fact that I had given birth to a beautiful baby.
09P 06 XX.XX NS

Dreaming of being pregnant having a scan being told by the doctors that the baby is disabled or deformed in someway. I had to make a decision whether or not to keep it. I decided to go and see some children with disabilities to help me decide. Remember feeling very protective not wanting to get rid of it. I was wearing a skirt that was too tight and I was worried about harming the baby.
09P 08 XX.XX NS

Dream. I found a robin that had become trapped in a shed it was covered in mud and I set it free.
09P 26 XX.XX NS

Dreams all night but only odd images come to mind. A mutilated animal lying in front of me. Something picking at it. There was a sense of revulsion and I wanted to pull someone away from it. Generally feeling of discomfort at dreams.
14P 24 XX.XX NS

Dream there is a rat in my kitchen, it is part albino (head). I am trying to get it out, I manage to catch it (it doesn't run) and put it outside, it is night, as I put it in the garden it turns into my youngest son. I know it is a trick but I feel terribly guilty. "Look out for cats" I say, it repeats it back to me. I feel terrible, I'm not 100% sure it is not my son and I have just shut him out for the night where he will be killed by a cat.
15P 08 XX.XX NS

Dream a man and a woman show me their baby. It has a very small head and loads of long, curly dark hair and massive eyes. Then it is a knitted doll, they put something around its neck and it goes bright red. I say "you're strangling it".
15P 09 XX.XX NS

Dream of going to my children's school with my proving supervisor who was carrying a yellow potty with a yellow chick in it. I asked him why he had brought it and he said because he had to feed it.
15P 36 XX.XX NS

Shame & guilt

Strange dream about two people on a bicycle driving round me in circles pointing fingers at me.
02P 05 XX.XX NS

Wanted to audition for a drama role in a soap opera - I had no experience but put my name down to try and conquer my fear of being on stage (which I have in real life). When I got there it was made clear that I had no chance and I started to get more nervous. Eventually I made the excuse that I wouldn't get it anyway so didn't audition. Felt anxious and disappointed.
03P 23 XX.XX NS

I was a pupil at the language school where I teach. My boss was the teacher. She was getting very angry with me, and I got told off along with other pupils.
04P 07 XX.XX NS

I call this dream "funeral dream". In it, I was back in the village where I grew up. I was in my room when I heard church bells. I knew that was the sign that somebody had died, but that was not all I knew! I was certain that it was this person around my age who is the son of friends of my parents'. He had always been a bit of a weirdo, had always been dependent on his parents to keep him on "the right track", and always got involved in things and with people who weren't what you would call "socially acceptable". Anyway, when I heard the bells in the dream, I knew that they were for him and I also knew that he had committed suicide. I then waited for the phonecall in which his parents would ring our family to tell us about it. However, the phonecall never came. I then became very sad and felt sorry for the guy who had killed himself, thinking, and knowing, that his parents probably didn't even know or care that it was him and didn't bother ringing friends and relatives or even organise the funeral. The next thing was that I saw a hearse driving by, and gain I was certain it was him in it. However, it never got confirmed, the phone call never came. The dream woke me up and it felt quite disturbing. When I thought about it immediately afterwards, I thought that it would be the same if I suddenly died for some reason, nobody really would care or mind or even take notice! I associated the dream with my own death to a certain degree. A very disruptive dream, especially since I feel quite good about life at the moment and I never had suicidal tendencies.
06P 17 XX.XX NS

A long and vivid dream. I was with my girlfriend and she had an accident where a syringe of heron stabbed her in the neck. I felt very guilty, it was my fault and I called the Police and hid in my shed. After they had arrived, I went in and shouted to them. They were upstairs. A Doctor and a medic had helped my girlfriend give birth. I sob and am devastated - I forgot she was pregnant. The 'baby' is a fat black cat. The Doctor is still working on my girlfriend - there is blood - its a dodgy life and death situation.
11P 08 XX.XX NS

Dream that I was at the theatre where I was in a very high box and had to go to the loo and disturbed everyone on the way, which I felt embarrassed about. I could not find my way back and the play was about to start.
11P 08 XX.XX NS

Dream. I am at college, all the students (especially the ones I like) are criticizing my work, I have made a complete hash of it. Feel stupid.
15P 12 XX.XX NS

Dream I am at party (one of the women on the course) I don't know what it is but there is some dark secret about to erupt between her and her partner. I feel very uncomfortable, think I have somehow let the cat out of the bag.
15P 13 XX.XX NS

Dream. I am dreaming of the past when my youngest son is 3 years old and his nursery teacher suggested that he be put into a children's prison for 3 nights because he was being difficult at nursery and at home, he has returned from prison looking sad and humbled, I am telling him that he shouldn't be naughty again. I am totally devastated that I have done this to him, looking back 3 years (I am crying as I write this)

Cosy and Cocooned		Calm
Restricted	Claustrophobic	Bubbles	Separation
Disconnected from People	Difficulties with Communication	Disconnected from Feelings	Unfeeling
Ruthless	Selfish	Sex & Birth & Death	Steriity
Disconnected from Self	Distortion	Invisible	Disconnected from Events
Moving with the Flow	Violence	Shock and Paralysis	Safe
Brave	Reckless	Focussed	Running on
Lacking Boundaries	Vulnerable	Suspicious	Attacked
Sensitive	Irritable	Shame & Guilt	Clairvoyance
Lacking Concentration	Confused	Clumsy	Out of Control

Vulcanized Rubber

The Homœopathic Proving of