Materia Medica
Mind Themes of The Plague Locust
| Inside - Outside | Company | Alone | Self esteem |
| Tearful | Angry | Irritable | Activity |
| Energy | Sex | Fear | Truth |
| Order & Cleaning | Indecisive | Confusion | Time |
| Writing & Speaking | Insects | Other Symptoms | |
Friend and
I repeatedly ignored at bar in pub as if in parallel universe we both commented
on it.
01P 2 XX.XX NS
I brought up the topic of
boundaries a lot this weekend, of learning how to master professional boundaries
and how to maintain them to feel safe because I sensed the week before the proving
an issue with someone really opening up to me at work and worrying that I have
no sense of how to show that person my boundaries so I feel safe in the relationship,
whether I am too open and therefore too vulnerable.
04P XX.XX NS
Feel like I am interjecting
into conversations, I can be quite impetuous and interrupt conversations but
I don't normally feel a sense of wrongdoing like this. General feeling of not
wanting to upset people and having go keep people happy, when asked why by a
fellow prover I said rejection and being on the periphery of the group and not
being able to integrate.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Really felt the need to
go for a run, and even though its dark and I am completely new to the area I
am living in I went – it was a bit scary but I really felt the need for
fresh air and movement and exertion.
04P 21 XX.XX NS
I feel safer outside than
inside the house, not sure if this is part of the proving or not? because the
feeling is familiar but I haven't really been aware of it before like this.
04P 24 XX.XX NS
I went out at lunch time
and noticed that my mood really picked up from walking outside and being outside.
04P 27 XX.XX NS
One of the students on the
course said that I seemed different and not as happy with myself and flatter.
At that point I wasn't feeling like that so I said no, that's not my experience,
but by telling me that I'm different I have felt that you may not like me any
more, that I'm different and that I might not be accepted any more and will
be on the outside of the group.
04P 30 XX.XX NS
I saw a little green insect
that had only 1 leg and it was a grasshopper, it was sad that it couldn't jump
anymore, but I am too scared of insects to pick them up so one of the other
students put it in the grass. It made me think of the disabled person in the
dream and being disabled and not 04P 31 XX.XX NSI am worried that I am having
a different experience to the group and that this is all a load of bollocks
and I am just making it up because I am worried about having a bad experience
I am some how creating this.
04P 4 08.10 NS
I feel like the proving
has really stirred up old feelings I used to have as a child about not fitting
in and being different. These are feelings that I have not felt for years and
years. I was picked on as a child because I was different or perceived as different.
I stood out and was an easy target.
04P 73 XX.XX NS
We all want for a walk in
the country side. Felt much better for being outside.
06P 17 XX.XX NS
Wanted to have lunch outside
as it felt to hectic and busy inside. I feel I sometimes need my own space.
06P 30 XX.XX NSWent to gym. Felt anxious and sensitive to the noise and all
of the people. Left without doing much. Feel a bit oppressed was glad to be
outside.
06P 5 XX.XX NS
Still feel the group not
entirely bonded,. We have also been dogged with issues to do with food systems,
that have failed!.
01P 0 XX.XX NS
Said to College Principal
hadn't felt really connected to the college or the group, after all that had
happened in the previous year in my life, but now I did.
02P 01 XX.XX NS
I felt as though I was surrounded
by friends.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
I really wanted to get a
hug from someone today, I was really craving physical contact and just a hug
really.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
A sense of going into and
out of the group dynamics and subject matter.
05P 30 XX.XX NS
Want to run away to sea.
01P 23 XX.XX NS
Feeling that everything
is against me.
01P 25 XX.XX NS
Felt lonely and left out,
like the outsider.
01P 28 XX.XX NS
This feeling that I have
to work so hard and everything is a lot of effort with setbacks and
difficulties.
01P 40 XX.XX NS
Waited for hour and half
in village pub, totally ignored by landlord. I explained my situation and he
asked no questions, just said it was alright to wait there, felt invisible,
people coming in having loud conversations with landlord and wife and nobody
noticing me all on my own in a corner.
01P 63 XX.XX NS
At Bar in the Pub it was
as if we weren't there – not as in a low self esteem way, or non assertive
way, just literally as if the bar lady couldn't see us!
02P 2 XX.XX NS
Spent the evening with two
other provers and we all had the feeling that the room we were in was
separate from the rest of
the world. One of the other provers said that she could imagine that it was
floating in space, and it seemed like that to me too.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
While walking, I had the
real feeling of 'I don't belong here'.
03P 64 XX.XX NS
I spent the evening with
2 of the other provers and I felt excluded and different from them at one point
because I couldn't join in with what they were doing with confidence.
04P 1 XX.XX NS
Feeling that I am not myself,
I am not as fluid with others and feel more paranoid and sensitive which is
in the way of comfortable interaction. I don't feel as present. I was talking
to some of the other group members and they said they felt more themselves and
because I felt different I suddenly wanted to burst into tears, it was a feeling
of panic because I didn't fit in and was separate from others.
04P 2 14.30 NS
At lunch everyone else was
sitting at the round table together and there were no spaces for me so I said
'I will have to sit by myself' and the tutor got up from the table to come and
sit with me so I didn't have to sit alone.
04P 3 XX.XX NS
Giving proving details on
video I had the panic that I was really on the outside of the group and different
and didn't really fit in which made me tearful. I was having a different experience.
04P 3 XX.XX NS
I had a feeling at the school
that it was all just clinical and that we were all just going for our own ends
to become homeopaths and didn't really care about each other and it made me
feel we were not together and properly bonded. Wanting to make sure as a group
we really cared for each other and loved each other and looked out for each
other.
04P 31 XX.XX NS
I have had the feeling I
am going to end up in a mental institution, that no one will understand me and
I will be lost forever, and be shut away because I am weird and all my friends
and family will look at me and think that they don't know who I am any more.
04P 36 XX.XX NS
I feel a bit secretive and
don't really want to say what I am feeling.
04P 4 21.00 NS
I have been home to my parents
today and I was telling them that my house doesn't feel like home. My mother
said, 'you feel at home here don't you?' and I had the sudden realisation that
I don't. My family home doesn't feel like my home any more either, I feel displaced
like I have no where to settle and feel comfortable and safe.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
I don't feel human, I feel
slightly abnormal and I don't like it. I keep saying to myself its OK to be
strange and different, no one is really normal, what's normality anyway! But
I have a definite sense of being slightly not of this world, a bit like one
of the X-Men. Its creeping me out.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
I have felt safe when someone
is with me. I even had to get a friend to sleep in my bed with me, and slept
better, not waking up at 4am again. I feel that when I am with someone they
can protect me and that this other thing that I don't trust cant get near me,
but if I am alone at night it can. Its like safety in numbers, alone you are
vulnerable.
04P 48 XX.XX NS
I have for the first time
in my life, or adult life been really needing other people to support me. I
normally find it very difficult to take support from others, from my homeopath
fine, but I have never really leaned on friends or family.
04P 48 XX.XX NS
I felt like the one person
I have depended on to be here for me during this experience was backing away
for me. I felt that no one would see this journey through with me and that I
would have to do this alone and it felt so frightening and upsetting, I felt
like no one was prepared to go the distance with me and I didn't know if I could
do it alone. He said that he felt I had withdrawn within myself. I felt that
he just didn't want to get too involved with me because the place I was in was
too weird and scary and that he just didn't want to go there with me. I still
felt totally disconnected and cold towards him and alone.
04P 50 XX.XX NS
My homeopath sent me another
remedy to help get me out of this state. After taking it I did start to feel
safer in my world and decided the next day to move home. I moved home that week,
took all my stuff again that I had only just packed up and unpacked 6 weeks
prior to this. During the proving I have moved out and moved back again. I felt
that by moving back home I would be failing in some way and I would appear weak
and it would show me that I can't support myself and I didn't want to lose confidence
in myself because of the proving experience. I bit the bullet and moved home
because I realised it was the most sensible thing to do and I should be humble
and really pleased I have parents that can help me out. It was a really hard
thing to do.
04P 51 XX.XX NS
Need for me to be an individual,
not totally alone but I don't desire to be in a relationship. I think this feeling
has been happening for about a year. However it feels intensified at present.
I need my space. A strong sense of not wanting to help and be with others at
present.
05P 27 XX.XX IOS
Feel like no one likes me,
I am a black sheep; they are keeping me in the dark about what is going on.
I am not included or valued.
07P 6 XX.XX NS
Got locked into a debate
with a work colleague and could not see a way out. It was silly because we had
no reason to be arguing or debating this issue. I noticed he was being completely
different to me, we normally get on very well but he was dominant and just not
hearing me and I wasn't having any of of it and told him that he was too stressed
and under pressure and arguing.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
I had a phone consultation
with my homeopath and after I put the phone down to him today I started to worry
that he didn't think I was as nice a person because of all the things I was
saying, I began to think that my current state of overt sexuality was making
me harder, less feeling, and not as gentle or likeable as a person.
04P 47 XX.XX NS
The sensation of my experience
today that is that people don't want to touch me, that they are having to be
around me but would rather they weren't. Its like being one of the characters
from the film the X-Men, where if you touch someone you will harm them. Imagine
giving someone an a horrible feeling like electric shock when you touch them
and they pull away and say to you 'just stay away from me, you are disgusting,
don't touch me!' that's my feeling!! I have used the expression a lot 'having
a bad reaction to me'.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Went to a meeting and had
a real bout of low confidence that I was no good at my job and felt tearful
and depressed and downbeat. I thought I was going to have to leave the room
and call my supervisor because I felt such low confidence and felt I was sitting
too close to my colleagues and that I had bad breath. Then I had a wave of nausea
that came over me and passed.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Saw an old friend today
but when he left I was worried that he wanted to get away from me.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
Felt like crying for no
apparent reason twice today.
03P 2 XX.XX NS
I feel depressed and a bit
tearful.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
I have had cried easily
every day for the last 3 days now, I haven't cried in ages because I have not
felt the need to for ages.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
I am still in my pyjamas
and haven't gone to work. I have not been out of the house for 2 days. I feel
fragile and defenceless and a bit forlorn and sad. I could easily be brought
to tears, feeling very vulnerable.
04P 46 XX.XX NS
Have felt emotions bubbling
up. I was not feeling emotional & the sensation took me by surprise each
time. Felt watery eyed and could have easily cried but did not want to in the
presence of people.
07P 02 XX.XX NS
I've realised that during
the proving, I've been experiencing further along the poles of feeling loving
towards some people and feeling anger towards another. Apart from this, I've
noticed is that the two ends of the pole are co-existing much more closely than
ever before.
03P 14 XX.XX NS
I feel so restless and angry
and displaced! I am fed up with feeling scared and feel like crashing and smashing
and tearing things and getting really angry to fight this thing out of me! I
feel so fucking restless, I don't know what to do with myself, to cry or to
fucking scream and lash out, just fuck off and leave me alone I drove home from
my parents house and screamed so loudly in the car it sounded gutsy and shrill
and it even frightened me, I don't know where it came from. I have definite
rage mixed and tossed about with fear inside me. I started to bite and chew
my nails while driving home, I have never bitten my nails before. I want to
hear the sound of something smashing and I want to fight and show that I am
a survivor and will not be put down or crushed.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
Partner challenges me about
changing my mind over not going to a future concert. Not what was said but how
it was put to me. Blaming! I saw red was angry about making an issue over something
so trivial. Feeling deep rage.
05P 1 XX.XX NS
Driving to college, being
tail gated by male driver, I speed up he seems to get closer, I slow down, hes
still there, can't shake him off. I have a deep sense of rage, like a ball of
fire raging from my stomach, I want to annihilate him, I want to blow him up.
Notice my rage which I feel uncomfortable with because its so strong. I feel
I cant focus on anything else. The power of the rage takes me over so I have
no control over myself. I am aware of this sensation and it subsides and he
overtakes me. He's out of my face, out of my space, for me I can now calm down,
I can breath again. I regain a sense of control and a sense of myself.
05P 3 XX.XX NS
I am angry over food issues
at college. The cheeks on my face are red and hot. Boiling inside, uncomfortable
with the sensation.
05P 36 XX.XX NS
Irritation bordering on
anger, with my partner.
05P 37 XX.XX NS
I overreact to rudeness
from daughter & explode in a temper with shouting.
07P 33 XX.XX NS
Partner said I have been
very irritable and short tempered the last few weeks.
01P 32` XX.XX NS
Felt as if my hair was too
much, was annoying me!
02P 9 XX.XX NS
Felt irritable and even
angry inside for no apparent reason, but at the same time I've felt more caring
than ever towards my cats. It feels like there are two parts of me and I feel
confused about their opposing nature; it seems incongruous and makes me feel
unsure of who I am.
03P 10 XX.XX NS
Felt irritable on first
waking for no reason. This feeling was not aimed at anyone or anything and passed
after a few minutes.
03P 2 08.15 NS
Was talking to a work contact
who I normally have a very friendly relationship with and felt that I wasn't
getting on well with him at all, that he was not comfortable talking to me and
wanted to get off the phone. After I put the phone down I went to the loo and
just thought 'fuck everyone, and fuck him!' because I thought he was just being
two faced and just having to be nice to me and I had seen through him.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Started feeling very irritable
at work for no reason and then my husband was irritating me as well.
06P 20 XX.XX NS
Feeling irritable in general.
Feel like the house is dirty but don't I have the motivation to clean it.
06P 6 XX.XX NS
While making up the remedy,
I had the desire to succuss as fast as possible.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
I have the feeling that
I want more hours in the day so that I can carry on and get more done.
03P 6 XX.XX NS
At school today I had the
same feeling of frustration, just not knowing what to do with myself, I didn't
feel comfortable and just not myself. Then I tried to connect with what it was
and realised it was a feeling of physical frustration, like I needed to do some
exercise, use my body. Its like an energy that's pent up and you just don't
know what to do so you just sit or stand because you feel irritated, which makes
it worse! So I went for a fast walk and busied myself and then I started to
feel better.
04P 31 XX.XX NS
Very busy sleep, didn't
feel rested from sleep. I woke feeling I needed to go to work in order to recharge
my body. This felt the other way around, going to work to rest and sleeping
felt like I was working.
05P 19 XX.XX NS
Felt exuberant! I'd just
captured an amazing video clip of a lacewing catching and eating an aphid, only
to be completely repelled by an ant which had been attending the aphids. I told
my boss but he didn't seem excited by it, which was unexpected. In fact the
rest of my colleagues seemed a bit tired and down. My energy was a stark contrast.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
Surprisingly energetic this
evening at dance group considering very late night last night; even had the
energy to go to the pub with everyone afterwards.
03P 8 XX.XX NS
Running father than normal
the last two times and really comfortably, I really enjoy running at night time
at the moment.
04P 11 XX.XX NS
Went for the longest run
I have ever been on and felt great, I have found I can run for longer since
the proving.
04P 18 XX.XX NS
Generally very restless
and can't sit still and do nothing, even restless when eating and have to concentrate
to stop myself rushing to finish.
04P 20 XX.XX NS
Had a really frustrating
feeling today of being angry and cross and not knowing what to do with myself.
I decided to masturbate to make me relax and to help get rid of this feeling
and it was so funny because afterwards I just lay on my bed and had a huge laughing
fit, I was really laughing loudly for no reason at all. It was as if someone
had pushed the laughing button on a doll.
04P 25 XX.XX NS
I am swearing more frequently.
04P 25 XX.XX NS
I have not felt like resting
and wanted to keep busy all day, even though I am tired because I didn't get
a good nights sleep. My body system is on edge and just wants to be kept active.
I have had shaky hands and my nerves have felt a bit raw, I don't even want
to go to bed now and am trying to keep doing stuff because I don't know if I
can rest. I have been on 2 long runs this week and had little sleep.
04P 33 XX.XX NS
I have had the feeling a
lot of not being connected enough to the earth. My legs have felt almost too
light and I am not touching the ground with enough weight which makes me feel
shaky and unsteady on my feet, too light and too edgy.
04P 34 XX.XX NS
My mum said that I was wearing
really colourful clothes.
04P 41 XX.XX NS
Dancing manically in the
evening for ages, really energetically and powerfully with agility and confidence
that my body could bend in strange ways and could jump and not fall. I love
dancing and would happily dance by myself but this was a different kind of dancing
energy, not my normal expression.
04P 42 XX.XX NS
Feeling of high energy and
exhilaration almost that makes me feel nervous and too self aware, somehow its
not a relaxed comfortable state, its nice but not at ease. Its a feeling of
not being able to maintain or manage the high energy, its unstable and could
go either way.
04P 7 XX.XX NS
Feel like I can't contain
the energy and I am going to explode or something like I cant handle this level
of energy expanding within me.
04P 7 XX.XX NS
Really noticed the last
few days that I am talking a lot when I start and I cant stop! Its really annoying
and I am paranoid of what others will think, that I talk too much and then they
will l have a bad reaction to me will want to not be around me. 3 different
people have commented on how much I am talking at the moment.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
Huge levels of overwhelming
energy again running through my system, just as it happened yesterday. I ended
up being agile and energetic in the office and swinging my legs up on to the
privacy cubicles (units built to divide the desks up in the office) with my
hands on the sides of another unit opposite so I was completely suspended in
the air. I kept doing this and doing push ups like this. I was surprised at
my agility but more importantly my confidence do to it without worrying about
falling or hurting myself.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
Feel so energetic and restless
that I have to make a friend go for a walk with me even though its dark outside.
As soon as we are walking outside I start to feel better. However the feeling
of energy did not go after the walk and when I got home that night at about
10pm I was ridiculously high on physical energy and my body just felt it wanted
to be used and be stretched. I ended up being really silly and bouncing and
jumping up and down and skipping and spinning around with a giggling fit for
about fifteen minutes or longer.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
I have the sensation of
feeling pressurised in my head, like its going to explode. I feel like I'm going
to go mad, sensation of loosing control, loss of senses. That is I wont be able
to cope. My mind feels over-stimulated, racing away with me, almost like how
I imagine the first signs of someone going mad. For me, it feels horrible, I
dont want to be here.
05P 23 XX.XX NS
I have too much energy.
Made husband go swimming with me. Normally this makes me fell relaxed and good
about myself but after leaving the gym I still felt like I had to much nervous
energy. I felt anticipation about the things I have to do today. I manged to
get many things done but the feelings of restless anxiety did not go away.
06P 34 XX.XX NS
Still wide awake. I am a
night person but this is too much energy for me.
06P 4 24.00 NS
I am like a fizzy drink
that has lost its effervescence & again, I keep getting bubbles of emotion
coming up.
07P 2 XX.XX NS
I am good friends with my
MD at work and he came to visit me in my new place this evening. I had always
trusted our friendship and felt safe with the knowledge that we were platonic
but the feelings changed and I could sense his energy and eye contact change
towards me when we were back at my house. I couldn't hold is eye contact and
I was put off guard. I am annoyed with myself because my body language responded
to his so I know I was giving off the wrong signals and he tried to kiss me
at the end of the night. It was very strange because I didn't feel in control.
04P 13 XX.XX NS
A work contact dropped in
to see me. I have always had an attraction to him and he has been a bit flirty
with me but he is married and has 3 lovely children. We went to lunch and the
conversations revolved around relationships and why I am single. I felt a huge
wave of sexual energy in the pit of my stomach like a magnetic pull towards
him. He was openly flirting with me with extremely intense eye contact. The
feeling was that I couldn't control or alter my behaviour, its like a hyper-awareness
where I am totally self aware and self conscious, aware of my eyes, where I
am looking, my body language and theirs, it totally distracts me from being
natural and its really frustrating! When he left I felt angry and guilty about
the interaction. I was upset
with my behaviour and felt so sexually fraught and distressed, the feeling was
in my stomach and genitals like an ache or tension that made me feel sick and
overwhelmed. I felt like I had almost projected something unwanted that made
me feel like backing off entirely, I wished I had not spent time with him and
I wanted to just dump the male race completely!
04P 15 XX.XX NS
At a hen party in London
going pole dancing which again is in the sexual sphere of energy I feel I am
in at the moment. One of the girls at the hen party really gave me a claws out
feeling, like a grating sensation when she walked into the room. I felt real
competition with her and even felt uncomfortable looking into her eyes. I felt
we were competing for attractiveness and who could be the best at pole dancing
and look the most attractive. This is not necessarily a new feeling for me but
this was really really heightened and intensified, and I felt it I my solar
plexus. It was like a plug and in created intense pressure like I needed to
release it by belching or something but it was totally trapped.
04P 16 XX.XX NS
Met a really attractive
single man when at a nightclub at the hen party. I described him as 'my adonis'
because he was just lovely to look at! I haven't met anyone in about 3 years
who is firstly single and secondly I would like to see. I have since the proving
only attracting men in relationships which has created feelings of guilt and
feelings of sexual awareness where they are not appropriate. But this is fantastic,
really magnetic to attract a beautiful man! However I have never been one to
go for looks with men so its very unlike me to be prioritising and focusing
on his external appearance so much, he is gorgeous. What's stranger is the next
day when I met up with him I started to worry that he maybe deformed in some
way, he is perfect to look at externally but he kept asking me if I was comfortable
with my body naked, and he said he had suffered from cancer and had it cut out,
and that he was really dyslexic. That wouldn't normally bother me but for some
reason I am just aware of my feeling of beauty and the beast within him, he
also said he was a Gemini and I said who am I spending time with today –
Jeckle or Hyde?! He also growled in my ear which sent shivers down my spine
we joked about me being very submissive and having to give in and he used the
word 'repulsive' to describe this, it was almost as if he meant to pick a different
word but this came out and didn't seem an appropriate word to use in the context
of what we were talking about.
04P 16 XX.XX NS
Met up with the new man
I met last night, we went for picnic in a park and he was very passionate and
I just let myself go completely. My imagination was let loose because he talked
me very slowly through everything he wanted to do to me in bed and by the end
of it I was completely absorbed and almost hyperventilating and felt like we
had actually had sex! Even though we hadn't. We were in a public park at the
time and I couldn't really have cared if the whole world and his dog had walked
passed while we were being outrageous together, normally this is something that
would hold me back.
04P 17 XX.XX NS
My aunty has split up with
her boyfriend of 15 years and I am good friends with him. She is in her fifties
and he in his late forties. I meet up with him for lunch and he is like an uncle
to me as well as a good friend. My aunty for some reason thinks that I have
got in the way of their relationship and has behind my back accused me of having
an affair with him.
04P 19 XX.XX NS
Increased desire to masturbate
and feeling of sexual frustration.
04P 21 XX.XX NS
Had a reckless afternoon
which I had not planned on having. Felt like just doing something I wouldn't
normally do and just living for the moment. I ended up in bed all afternoon
with a work contact who is married. We ended up having cheeky interactions over
email and the idea of meeting at my house for the afternoon came up and I thought
sod it, why not! And we had a great time. As I was driving home to meet him
I thought I am going to give myself the opportunity to be what ever I want to
be and to just go for it. It felt like a fantastic liberating thing to do and
I felt really energised afterwards. It was purely a physical thing, not about
falling in love or getting emotionally involved and that was the really strange
feeling about it, but also very liberating and as if I was giving my body what
it needed, not my heart or mind, just my body.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
I was nervous about staying
by myself so asked a friend to come and stay with me. We are very close friends.
I said I was worried about myself at the moment and that I didn't feel anything
from having sex the night before and that I wanted to wipe the experience out.
That evening we were lying in the sofa touching and rubbing each others legs
and massaging each others feet. I ended up being in bed with my friend, and
he couldn't maintain a lasting erection. It was actually very funny because
and we laughed and laughed about it to the point I could hardly breath! The
ironic thing is my attempts to connect are failing and what I was trying to
achieve has from this has been exacerbated instead of abated, but at least this
time I could talk freely with my friend and feel understood because I know he
loves me as a person. This is second man I slept with in a 24 hour period. I
have never done this before I my life. In fact it means I have had sex with
3 different men over the that 3 weeks, when I haven't slept with 2 men in the
last 2 years before the proving! Its a really strong urge to want to connect
and be touched, have stimulation and feel safe and to relate to someone.
04P 38 XX.XX NS
I had sex at 4 in the morning
and for the first time in my life I felt absolutely nothing, I felt lifeless
and dead with no physical reaction at all. I have only recently met this person
and I couldn't see their face or hear their voice because it was too dark and
I told them something didn't feel right for me. I had no stimulation at all
and I couldn't even breath passionately, it was a very strange and disconcerting
place to be because I am a sensual person and when we had been touching each
other earlier in the night it had been lovely. It upset me and I felt like I
had lost something somehow and started to worry something was wrong with me.
That night afterwards when we were lying together I dreamt that we had very
stimulating sex. I thought about the experience of not feeling anything during
sex and wondered what I am doing even making the effort to see this person because
I don't actually feel they understand me or listen to me and I don't really
understand them either. I thought about what he was like and remembered that
when we had been in bed he had in passionate moments pinned me down my my neck.
I didn't feel scared and it was almost exciting because I was so vulnerable
but in hindsight I don't understand him and it could be construed that I was
being stupid to put myself in that situation. My drive to do this is weird and
I don't think I am listening to my instincts much, because I can't get in touch
with them.
04P 38 XX.XX NS
A guy who is a very close
friend came to stay with me, and we ended up having sex. We were just together
on the sofa watching a film and when we were holding hands and rubbing each
others arms it felt so nice and I felt really sexually attracted to him and
this desire was beyond wanting to be careful because we were friends. He said
the next day that he worried he had taken advantage of me because I am vulnerable
but I said I really wanted to so he hadn't, I just really wanted to give myself
to him and connect, I felt like nothing else mattered. After sex I felt really
relaxed and happy and actually stronger, stronger than he was because he ended
up being vulnerable because his orgasm had been so intense and he nearly fainted
which hadn't happened to him before, so I ended up wanting to look after him.
He kept calling me a black widow spider.
04P 45 XX.XX NS
Its very difficult to predetermine
what I want to do right now and my sexual urges are so overwhelming its exceptionally
difficult to stop myself acting on them, they really want to take over.
04P 47 XX.XX NS
The remedy feels a lot about
dangerous sexuality, the second ad was titled "dirty brunette looking for
a fuck buddy" with my photo beneath it. It looked so at odds with my image
and my face. I think my dreams are actually real, they are saying do be scared
and do protect yourself.
04P 49 XX.XX NS
Feel a bit greasy and man
like, don't like what I look like but almost feel nonchalant about it, feel
a bit asexual.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Intense sexual frustration
so I had to masturbate in the ladies loo's at work! I have never ever done this
before!
04P 70 XX.XX NS
Churned up after car vandalism
incident last night.
01P 11 XX.XX NS
Really not happy with B
and B, a loft room with no door on room, just open to the house with strangers,
felt very vulnerable, not usually so timid and fearful.
01P 28 XX.XX NS
Discovered car wing mirror vandalised again (days 10 and 35 previous vandalism incidents), for past three weeks have been parking car in quiet cul-de-sac near where we live, still damaged! Feel desperate, are we being targeted or is this just random? 01P 59 XX.XX NS
Landlady began speaking,
as if she pounced on m.as I sat down with my bags still in my hands She laughed
about this the next day and said she felt as if she had 'verbally pinned me
to the chair', which is what it felt like.
02P 1 XX.XX NS
In the evening was followed
home by a man who attends a course at one of the places I work; He had been
drinking at the bustop I was at; he had earlier looked at me, I felt, in an
evil way, then got on the same bus; and got off at same stop; It was pitch black
and the wind was howling all around me, felt spooked and in danger.
02P 63 XX.XX NS
Policeman on bus, in uniform,
Looked stern; I was typing on my mobile, felt as if he was suspicious of what
I was typing.
02P 8 08.00 NS
Awoke suddenly with the
feeling that there was someone in my room. I felt fearful and realised that
I'd put my arms up to protect myself. Once I was properly awake I felt ok again
and went back to sleep.
03P 35 XX.XX NS
Seeing things in the shadows
on going to sleep and feeling nervy.
04P 1 XX.XX NS
Paranoia that I have offended
and not said the right thing or done the right thing.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
I had the utmost panic at
about 5am this morning when I thought someone was in the house with me, I felt
terrified and my heart was pounding and I just didn't know what to do. I was
absolutely convinced I heard someone in the house, so I turned my lights on
and just sat in bed petrified. I have never been scared of people breaking in
before. The feeling wasn't that they were going to steal something but that
they would come and hurt me, I was just waiting for my bedroom door to be pushed
open and my whole body was in a state of shock and I had no idea of what to
do. I thought I would just burst in to tears but nothing came, I was absolutely
terrified. The words rolled through my head again and again 'lord as I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, please be by my side and protect
me' and this is not a normal turn of phrase for me at all, I don't know where
it came from. I had the feeling that complete and utter fear and shocking experiences
would change one's life forever and you just wouldn't be the same person again,
the feeling was so strong in me that something petrifying was going to happen
and I would be scarred forever.
04P 20 XX.XX NS
Had a restless and disturbed
nights sleep, every noise is disturbing me at night and making me jumpy and
too conscious of noises and my surroundings. Even though rationally I know I
am really safe I don't feel it, I have felt frightened and the noises make my
heart race. I can see I my minds eye something or someone threatening, big and
black coming into to my room and towering over me. I can't seem to get rid of
the idea even though its nonsense. I had the idea last night of someone trying
to get in the house by shaking all the doors and windows trying to force them.
04P 32 XX.XX NS
I have felt quite disturbed
sometimes and really quite jumpy. I can be like this but I haven't for quite
a while now. I just keep having this feeling that there is someone here somehow
and I know its not true. I keep wondering whether someone has hidden in the
house or whether there is a spirit here that is with me. I actually hope not
because the idea really scares me!
04P 32 XX.XX NS
Waking up at 4am. Scared
of ghosts or burglars in the house, its completely irrational but I can't get
this silly fear out of my head.
04P 35 XX.XX NS
Woke up at 3am feeling nervous
again even though I thought I had sorted the idea of an energetic presence in
my house, I have such a vivid wild imagination at the moment I kept looking
for shapes in the dark. I was thirsty and needed to go to the loo but was too
scared to move so almost laid unnaturally still in my bed, I basically froze.
I didn't want to drink because it would mean I would have to get up and venture
across the landing over the spot I felt was cold and shivery. Woke up again
at 5am because my house got really noisy. I felt there was a presence and it
swept above me, like a flash of light in my minds eye. I was afraid but tried
to relax. I again drifted off into a weird sleep state where I was trying to
wake myself up because I was afraid but couldn't, its like I was drugged but
really need to wake up. I felt something crawling across my head, another presence
in the room and the energy was touching me. It was so strong it felt like something
was crawling at the top of my head and over my face like a rat. I heard a noise
under my bed and I thought I heard a voice, I stayed awake until nearly 7am.
04P 36 XX.XX NS
I have a strange feeling
which I will try to describe: The feeling is like being locked away in a space
and detached from reality and not knowing what's going to happen to you, something
is there with you and it can see you but you can not see it. Its interested
in you and wants you to stay alert to it. Because it could hurt you, it likes
you being aware of it and its kind of playing with you, it knows you are scared
of it which gives it a kick.
04P 36 XX.XX NS
A strange look on my face
in the mirror, I have in the past looked at the mirror and not really recognised
myself when I have been in unhappy times, but this was different, I didn't really
want to write this down but my eyes looked frightening and I looked evil for
some reason – it scared me! I have never noticed that look before and time
kind of speeded up.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
Thought I heard running
water and had to get up and check because I thought it was going to flood the
house but non of the taps were on. All the shadows in the room were moving and
seemed real and was so glad someone was staying with me.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
I saw green smoke in the
corner of my room, the noises in the house were freaking me out. I thought I
could cope and put off calling someone, but then time started ticking passed
22.00 I realised that I had a narrow window of opportunity to get myself out
of this. I was scared I would wake up in the middle of the night and not be
able to reach out to anyone because it was too late to call. It was a cry for
help and survival and I called my mother and best friend and they didn't want
to come and I felt like my life lines were falling away and start to to have
a panic attack, shaking, cold, sobbing, nearly hyperventilating, shock, fear,
thought I was not going to survive. One amazing friend came to my rescue and
I feel totally indebted to them for saving me. I called my supervisor who supported
me until my friend arrived. I didn't know what I was going to do, I was really
on the edge of reality and felt like I was, am totally losing it. I felt like
I could do something stupid like just run out of the house in my underwear and
find someone to help me and its snowing and dark outside. Or maybe I would just
collapse in a shaking heap and be sick. When my friend arrived I just grabbed
hold of them and didn't fee safe unless they were really close to me, even when
I got up to get some tissues and had to walk away from them I felt unsafe. I
am crying this morning because I don't think I can go on like this. As soon
as night time comes I am on alert and so scared and its wrecking my life and
my health. I have stupid visions of something, non human, attacking me and completely
terrifying me. I thought I was a strong person and that I could cope but I don't
think I can and don't know how to help myself.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
I logged onto my email account
and had a bundle of pornographic emails and a link to a horrible sexually disturbed
want ad that someone has posted using my details, its about me with my email
address. The replies are horrible with photos from men of their bodies. It has
worried me because nothing like this has happened to me before. I don't know
who to trust or why someone would do that.
04P 45 XX.XX NS
Woken up again and didn't
go back to sleep. Felt nervous and anxious and say in my minds eye something
horrible and dark coming through my bedroom door. I wanted to get out of bed
to cross the landing and had the feeling that I would need to crawl on my stomach
to stay low to the ground to avoid being seen. I heard noises like a cupboard
door banging but I think this was in my sleep and it woke me because it sounded
real.
04P 47 XX.XX NS
Burst into tears and been
panicking and upset because the person that put a sexually wanted advert about
me on the internet has done it again and this time they have also put up a face
shot photo of me and also put up photos of naked women that are not me but portrayed
as though they are. I felt shaky and really upset that someone would want to
hurt me, it feels vindictive and has made me feel unsafe. I have reported this
to the police and they are going to investigate.
04P 48 XX.XX NS
I think my panic attack
on the Sunday was because my body sensed that actually I am not as safe in my
world anymore. I feel that I have been losing it, but I definitely feel now
that actually I am being a bit clairvoyant or clairsentient and that I have
been picking up on the fact that some vindictive vicious clever bastard has
a vendetta against me and wants to frighten me and I don't know where this will
stop.
04P 49 XX.XX NS
I have been so terribly
vulnerable and fragile that I have had to lean on my friends, I even made a
friend sleep in my bed with me. I feel I don't have the strength or energy left
to protect myself and as soon as I am alone this thing will come and get me
and scare me. It's playing with me. I can't hide my fragility and vulnerability
since the proving so its now in people's faces and they can not avoid it. My
friends keep saying are you ok, you don't look ok, you look sad or upset, and
have offered to stay with me every night so I am not alone. It's amazing how
people reach out to you and how you know who your true friends are. One of my
friends, a best friend has completely let me down when I really needed her after
around the panic attack and I will never ever think of her in the same light
again, I have given her so much support and the one time I needed her she wasn't
there for me.
04P 49 XX.XX NS
Little bit scared of the
dark. It was an oppressive feeling as if the darkness would enclose me.
06P 12 XX.XX NS
I felt a very weird feeling
of dread like a premonition that something bad was going to happen. The sensation
filled my whole body particularly my stomach and chest. It was not an intellectual
feeling but a physical one.
06P 14 XX.XX NS
My husband thinks I am too
sensitive (more than usual) and do not protect myself from external events that
are nothing to do with me.
06P 18 XX.XX NS
Went to see a horror film
at the cinema. It was a good one but I did not enjoy it. Normally I like being
scared and they are fun but I left feeling stressed and anxious.
06P 38 XX.XX NS
Woke up suddenly. I was
scared of the dark. I turned on the lights and woke up my husband. Did not want
to go back to sleep in case the dream started again.
06P 8 XX.XX NS
Partner revealed it had
been a joke about people coming for weekend. He has never done anything like
this before. Very annoyed, could not believe he could have carried this through,
found it hard to get over.
01P 15 XX.XX NS
Forgot to pay for my food
at pub, it was disgusting, goat's cheese and tomato on toast but it was a tin
of tomatoes plonked on top of the cheese on toast, could barely eat it. Unusual
to forget to pay the bill and not to feel guilty about it.
01P 28 XX.XX NS
I have noticed that I have
an overwhelming urge to tell people how I am feeling and tell the truth, even
though sometimes I don't know if its the right thing to do I can't help it.
It is making me feel quite a lot that I am strange and that people don't understand
and can't relate to me, because I can hardly relate to myself currently.
04P 38 XX.XX NS
I am noticing how open I
am being with my emotions and how I feel, I am just stating to people exactly
what is going on for me because I don't want to be misunderstood because of
how I have changed the last few days.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
I had a different opinion
to the others. Even though I admitted I had not written the case up or studied
the actual remedy given I felt I was being overly argued with by the tutor.
I felt as though I was being attacked and if the next patient had not turned
up I think I would have carried on.
06P 14 XX.XX NS
I suddenly decided to confront
the work colleague who was harassing me yesterday. She asked me how I was &
I impulsively decided to tell her! She looked shocked because I was annoyed,
direct & quite harsh. I will probably upset management if I keep baring
my soul like this. I am really struggling to hide my feelings lately; I feel
like I must be honest to myself & others & I am acting impulsively.
This is the inner 'truthful' me, not the outer 'nervy, wimpy' me that everyone
usually sees.
07P 9 XX.XX NS
Went early to school and
was nearly splattered with cow dung when car passed me by, later saw large cow
pat on pavement camouflaged by leaves and was very anxious about this for rest
of weekend as if I thought I was going to step in it.
01P 29 XX.XX NS
Would like to let it all
go and let someone else do the organising for me.
01P 9 XX.XX NS
Feeling very organised and
motivated; finished coursework with 2 weeks still to go until hand-in, which
has never happened before. I feel as though I can keep a lot of balls in the
air at once at the moment; it seems easier than normal.
03P 16 XX.XX NS
Felt a real need to clean
my room really thoroughly.
03P 39 XX.XX NS
I moved house today and
when I got there the landlords had not fulfilled their obligations to clean
the property, it was really dusty and dirty! I had to leave all my things under
a sheet and wait for the cleaners.
04P 13 XX.XX NS
I have been calling myself
a tidy freak because I can't stop noticing little things to wipe down or put
away, it's annoying because it means I can't just rest and sit and eat for example
without having to get up to do something else quickly. I have done loads of
washing today, 4 loads.
04P 33 XX.XX NS
Felt the house was dirty
and I had to clean the whole house before I could do any work.
06P 48 XX.XX NS
Feel like I need to purify
my bedroom. Cleaned the bathroom rigorously. Ttidying and cleaning more the
usual. It feels more like a compulsion.
06P 8 XX.XX NS
There is dog poo outside
school when I go to fetch kids & I am very aware of it outside my car.
07P 11 XX.XX NS
Indecision over what to
eat, hungry but almost don't know what I fancy, its like a numb sense so I can't
imagine the flavours to whet my appetite and help me decide what to eat.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Really noticed my indecision
since the proving, not finding it easy to connect with what I want.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Mixing up counting - lost
track of numbers in succussion.
01P 1 XX.XX NS
Tripped over/trod on dog
in kitchen. Someone looked at me as if they thought I should have noticed the
dog, as if criticsing me. Thought dog was by dish washer and he moved unnoticed
by me, weird feeling of disorientation and spatial confusion.
01P 2 XX.XX NS
Got lost in new village
I live in, kept trying to find a way out of the road, but kept coming to seemingly
dead ends!
02P 11 XX.XX NS
day I have had confusion
that one person was another, this has happened a few times in the past.0
2P 2 XX.XX NS
I've noticed that for the
last few days I keep dropping or knocking things over.
03P 10 XX.XX NS
Got lost trying to get home,
orientation really bad, thought I was going one way and it was in the opposite
direction.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
I thought I knew my self
really well and my symptoms really well and was overtly confident about this
before the proving. But now I feel confused. I felt as though I had merged somehow
and couldn't tell the old me from the proving experience. I felt tearful and
cried. I didn't like the experience I had feeling on the outside of the group
and as though I couldn't connect with others easily, I felt somehow a barrier
that was inexplicable when looking at people and wanting to flow and connect
with them. I felt on the outside and the words also went though my head of being
pushed out and I started to worry that the rest of the group were having a bonding
experience but I would be shunned somehow, I felt my confidence falter.
04P 3 XX.XX NS
Went to the cinema and when
I came back I had a feeling of a distorted time zone and didn't feel present
in my body enough, I couldn't grasp what day it was and feel like I haven't
been living in reality.
04P 35 XX.XX NS
I saw an image of me free
falling of a cliff, its like being emotionally void and you are just falling,
I am trying to reach for the cliff face but my hands scrape past and I can't
stop myself. I then saw myself landing on a ledge and I am stuck in a place
of limbo between two worlds. I don't know if I will ever reach the ground at
the top again, but if I just throw myself off I don't know if I will ever land,
if there is ground below me. My boundaries have disappeared and I am staring
into space when talking to people, its as if I am not really here and not in
touch with reality at all, or maybe this is my new reality, and I just don't
understand it because I have never been here before.
04P 39 XX.XX NS
I feel even more lost and
confused than ever. I feel like my personality and knowledge of myself has been
put in a box and shaken up and I have come out in a different order and I don't
know if I will ever feel the same again. I really have a strong feeling that
I am a changed person and I am sobbing and crying while typing this because
I so lost and confused. Its now 5am and have been awake since 3.30am and couldn't
sleep so decided to just get up, I am hot and feel sweaty even though the house
is chilly. For about 5 days now I have not had more than 4 hours sleep a night
and less on occasions. I feel I am free falling and don't know if I will ever
land again or come back to myself. My boundaries have disappeared and I know
I need to reconstruct myself again on some level and discover the new person
I am becoming.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
At bus stop when I looked
at my mobile, I couldn't register what the numbers meant! Thought it was an
hour earlier; Then when I looked at the town clock (traditional style with hour
hands), time made sense.
02P 4 XX.XX NS
I said 'my time is precious'
which I never say!
02P 5 XX.XX NS
Immediately after taking
the remedy I felt as though everything slowed down.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
Felt as thought the outside
has slowed compared to me; I'm still fast and so I'm much more capable now and
can get more done than a normal person. This felt powerful and I felt special
due to this.
03P 4 XX.XX NS
Woke up and time was really
distorted, I had no sense of what day it was at all or what I was meant to be
doing, woke up earlier than normal because I thought that someone put their
hand on my pillow.
04P 11 XX.XX NS
Talking to my supervisor
this evening I felt I a time warp and we were on the phone for 1 hour 30 minutes
and it felt like only 30 minutes. It was like this earlier today when I met
a friend for lunch, we had been gone 2 hours and it felt like only half an hour.
04P 39 XX.XX NS
Time is strange and just
seems to pass and I have no idea what time it is. I feel in a disconnected time
warp not in tune with the rest of the bustling world, its like being in a separated
drug state where you just look out into space and things happen around you.
I keep forgetting what I wanted to do or say, and worry that I will make mistakes
at work or that thoughts won't come to me. My logical rational brain isn't working,
its all sensory and as if I am just waiting for the thoughts to come to me.
I cant connect easily with what I want to do or say.
04P 46 XX.XX NS
Time speeded up while brushing
my teeth.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Stumbling over words in
pairwork activity.
01P 2 XX.XX NS
Finding it sluggish to write.
02P 6 XX.XX NS
On first writing, I found
it very difficult and slow and wondered how I would manage.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
Saw my handwriting and thought
that it looked strange and not like it belonged to me.
03P 2 XX.XX NS
Wrote a card to a friend
and realised after that I'd written it upside down.
03P 5 XX.XX NS
Much less bothered about
getting things right. I used some poor grammar (which is unusual), and noticed
this but then thought it didn't matter.
03P 6 XX.XX NS
My handwriting has changed
and become really erratic and not as flowing as normal.
04P 20 XX.XX NS
Noticed my desire to want
to sound fluent and write intelligently, noticed that sometimes I stumble over
my words however, which links in with the sense that I am talking a lot more.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Quiet wasp landed on my
fringe, partner told me and I panicked, have always had fear of wasps after
incident of multiple stings in my youth but have coped for years without panicking
due to having my own childrens' fears to deal with, this was a flashback to
my youth.
01P 12 XX.XX NS
Wasp in house, desperate
to get rid of it, could not relax. Seem to be infested at moment, every day
there are wasps or loud bluebottles/flies to be dealt with, they are bothering
me and I need to kill them or get them out of the window, more intense than
usual.
01P 17 XX.XX NS
Flies and wasps buzzing
loudly in kitchen and sitting room: felt like insect invasion! Very sudden onset
unusual and overpowering.
01P 4 XX.XX NS
Huge spiders appeared several
times, Less fear felt around them. Was fascinated by the size of these spiders!
(and later in the proving, a lot of fascination with insects).
02P 1 XX.XX NS
While eating some stir fry,
bits of the food suddenly looked like brown worms? Ugh! (Have had this a lot
in the proving, where I feel my food is either raw meat or an insect of some
kind!). Had to throw those parts away and make myself eat the rest, as had no
other food in! Had to fight the idea hard that there had been worms in my food,
makes me cringe now to think about it.
02P 48 XX.XX NS
There were flies buzzing
around and I found the sound relaxing. A fly landed on my left hand and was
walking around it, and this felt nice.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
Fascinated by a plume of
flies (gnats or similar). How can they fly so fast zooming around each other
without hitting one another, and how do they change direction so fast?
03P 32 XX.XX NS
Saw an image of an animal
or insect that was black and and hairy, it was making a cat like motion of arching
its back and pushing its feet into the ground, but it has more legs than a cat,
it was like it was getting ready to jump or make rapid movement.
04P 39 XX.XX NS
On waking had the image
of one spider or insect with lots of legs, I did think it looked like a daddy
long legs but they wouldn't be strong enough, killing another insect by drawing
it in underneath its body and crushing it, there were lots of legs and a definite
winner and a loser.
04P 48 XX.XX NS
Felt harassed by flies.
07P 01 XX.XX NS
Am aware of flies everywhere
in my house & flying insects everywhere outside.
07P 6 XX.XX NS
I have a general desire
to wear bright colours, ear rings: wear lively and interesting clothes and jewellery.
01P 4 XX.XX NS
I had the feeling that I'm
splitting apart into pieces. I've always held them together but now they're
coming apart and I feel emotional about this. It's like I've always tried so
hard to keep everything together and not I'm not, and I'm not sure why or if
it will be ok. What if I'm not the same person afterwards. Maybe it will be
better, but I don't know and I feel that I've let it go farther than I'm sure
I can get it all back together again. Just before I fell asleep, I felt anxious
about all the parts of me separating. I felt as though they might just disintegrate
apart and I might not be able to speak when I wake up the next morning; I might
not function if I don't have all of my parts together.
03P 10 XX.XX NS
During meditation, we were
told to choose a colour. I tried pink first but it made me feel nauseous, so
I changed to orange with gold flecks. While driving I noticed a car behind me
which had pink flowers painted on it, a pink fluffy steering wheel and pink
fluffy toys in it. I realised that I was feeling nauseous and this was making
it worse.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
I feel as though the parts
of me are still here, but are farther apart than they've been before. It feels
as though they are on thin wires, so are still connected together but only by
the wires. I also felt a deep grief, as though I was more aware of things that
I have lost.
03P 11 XX.XX NS
I feel like the remedy is
inside me and I want to get it out. It feels like a black furry gremlin thing
moving around in circles in the area of my solar plexus. I want to get it out
of my body.
03P 14 XX.XX NS
I had an intense desire
to 'go home' but not that I wanted to return to where my physical home is. It
seemed deeper than that, more of a deep yearning to return to where I belonged,
which didn't feel like a place here on the earth. It felt as though it could
be another planet.
03P 2 XX.XX NS
I noticed that my white
writing paper looked slightly pink to me, and this exacerbated the feeling of
nausea still present. When I looked around, other things which I knew were white
also looked tinged with pink. The lecturer was wearing a pink shirt with a pink
t-shirt underneath. I experienced an aversion to the colour pink.
03P 2 XX.XX NS
I had the feeling that being
in a human body disgusts me; that humans are disgusting; they hurt and kill
each other and the energy feels low around some people. I feel that the inner
part of a person is light and good but something about being in the body makes
people behave badly.
03P 47 XX.XX NS
Noticed that I'm being more
helpful at work; just getting on and doing things even if it's not down to me
to get those things done. I feel as though I'm being kinder and more thoughtful
of others. I have less irritability when colleagues don't do things in the way
we've been asked to do them.
03P 5 XX.XX NS
I feel as though I'm wearing
an old brown (leather?) coat, which is no longer right for me, and I need to
cast it off.
03P 61 XX.XX NS
During the meditation after
taking the remedy I saw a vision of a steel tunnel with a huge metal ball rolling
down in, like a huge drainpipe and I was inside it, the tunnel and ball were
huge, it was accompanied by a sound of metal rumbling. I also had the idea of
my head being pushed through a steel tube with a fuzzy sensation and pressure
at the sides and back of my head.
04P 1 XX.XX NS
There has been a theme of
witches coming up and I felt that maybe I needed to become a witch.
04P 19 XX.XX NS
Feel very narcissistic and
talking about myself all the time! Don't really like this because I am normally
very good at listening to others but I find myself very self absorbed and change
the conversations to talk about me and my recent experiences.
04P 24 XX.XX NS
I have had a massive attraction
to the colour purple, the last few days I just want to wear it and see it. This
is definitely not a colour I would select usually, but I have acquired 2 purple
tops in the last week, a purple hat, a purple screen-saver for my mobile.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
A sense that Im not in control
of my actions and there is something far bigger than me that influences me,
I dont know what because I can't see, hear, touch, smell or eat it, I can only
sense it.
05P 22 XX.XX NS
Disturbing dream involving
an evil Ian Mckellen, I ended up at his home, needing bed for night, he went
to bed early, his manner rude and abrasive, his wife mixed a potion and shoved
spoon in my mouth, strong sedative, could hardly move body or speak, she apologised
and said he always does this with visitors, in my room I broke down and sobbed
violently, thinking I would never escape from this house, woke up relieved to
have escaped from dream.
01P 18 XX.XX NS
Dreams about trying to remember
dreams because of proving.
01P 2 XX.XX NS
Dream: Couple incapable
of looking after baby: wife falling apart/weeping when realised what they had
done: they had been drunk and gone to bed without seeing to baby. Baby was safely
in bed so who did it? Something creepy/demonic about baby.
01P 4 XX.XX NS
Disturbing dream, did not want to go back to sleep, we had been on holiday and returned to find light on and front door of home open (our previous home left 5 years ago), men were carrying out a mirror, when challenged it seemed we had no leg to stand on as partner had signed an agreement for sale and return of some furniture (cheaper than selling outright) and had given man a key (man was annoyed that he had not had furniture without sale or return agreement), feeling was that he had law on his side and had got his revenge, did not go into house but knew it would be entirely stripped of furniture and fittings, 01P 44 XX.XX NS
Woke from dream about someone
I work with, he seemed to be making a half-hearted pass at me, going through
the motions, no passion, just 'this is what I do', very weird as he is not like
this at
01P 51 XX.XX NS
Dream: Visiting cousins,
went to one cousin plus wife unannounced, my partner and I pushing large old
fashioned pram, had not seen them for years, cousin gave me very warm and long
hug.
01P 6 XX.XX NS
I was riding a horse, horse
was actually Michael Palin, I was being taught how to ride by a bossy friend
who has her own horses, holding up arms, doing twists and turns etc. Strong
smell of horses even though my horse was Michael Palin! Completely bizarre and
unusual for me as I am not at all interested in horses.
01P 7 XX.XX NS
Dream, incident involving
partner teaching pupil one-to-one he was provoked by pupil and lost temper and
pupil stabbed my partner in hand with compass. Boy then slimy saying to me '
I won't press charges ….', basically a creep, enjoying power that he could
cause fuss if he wanted. Teaching situation not unusual as partner is teacher
but the details including violence unusual.
01P 8 XX.XX NS
Dreams of water and floods.
02P 0 XX.XX NS
I was in some kind of shopping
complex or large hotel; we were standing in front of a pillar which had a holder
containing identity pieces of paper, some orange some green; we had to check
in using these … as I was explaining this, a guy calmly passed behind me
and checked his identity card into a metal slot, in the lower part of my back.
I said 'Hey, he just touched me up!' and the person beside me said no, he was
just checking in; Was raining heavily outside.
02P 2 XX.XX NS
Nightmare, horrible feeling;
a workshop leader from my past was a piercing long, spindly, insect, yellow?
Cream? Fingers, into my back; he was in front of me, hugging me but not in nice
way!; Can still feel the sensation hours later; He said I had ruined something,
a process of some kind and was livid at me; I was then escaping, trying to get
away.
02P 24 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of black and white
very thin and light centipede? encased, burrowed in my skin, mostly on my abdomen,
as if it were hibernating or being protected there! Ugh!; there were a few;
I squeezed one out, it was alive; on my right thigh I put my hand to some kind
of formation that was there – hard rock-like black scab? Which was sticking
out at least an inch outwards; and some blistery red marks near to it too.
02P 34 XX.XX NS
Dreamt I had black hair
again; This time it was fully black (I am quite happy with my hair colour by
the way!), looked dyed, also my eyebrows and eye lashes were noticeably black;
was admiring myself in the mirror, playing with a wisp of hair.
02P 57 XX.XX NS
Had a dream where I could
make myself invisible.
02P 65 XX.XX NS
Dream: I was with another
female who seemed to be a friend, and we were given pieces of paper with something
written on it. There were instructions which ended in "….left",
but we got onto a trolley thing with other people who's papers all said "…right".
I pointed this out to my friend because I thought this must be the wrong trolley
but she wanted to ignore this. It seemed that everyone else knew what to do
and we were pretending that we did too.
03P 16 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I found that
my father had cooked minced beef and I was concerned lest he had put it in the
meal I'd eaten earlier. I felt anger stirring if this was the case because he
knew that I'm vegetarian, but when I asked him, he said he hadn't, so it was
ok.
03P 17 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I was in a room with about 20 other people. Most of the people were sitting at a long table and were eating. Myself and two others didn't have any food and a waiter was taking us to find some. Everyone else had been eating for a while and some had started desert and I realised that they would have eaten it all by the time we were ready. Some people had taken dessert even though they hadn't finished their main course yet. Then I was walking around and eating a sandwich that I'd been given when I realised that it was chicken (I'm vegetarian & don't eat wheat). I'd eaten half already and decided to eat the rest so that no one would know that I'd eaten 03P 2 XX.XX NS
Woke up in a fright and sat up involuntarily. I had just been dreaming that I was looking at a plant and was turning over a leaf to look at a spider. This dream would not normally give me a 03P 37 XX.XX NS
Dreamt about being in a
large building and there was a presence like the ghost of a woman there. Someone
told me that the ghost liked sweets, so I broke some boiled sweets in half and
held them out. The ghost took them. Later I went back on my own and the ghost
started taking the sweets whole without giving me tome to break them up. Then
I could see the ghost and it was a black form which made me anxious. I wanted
to shout at it but couldn't make any sound come out. I shot white light at the
ghost and she turned white but was still coming in my direction. The ghost came
right to me and started pushing me backwards. I was falling backwards with the
ghost pushing me and I couldn't so anything to stop it, then I woke up suddenly
with the feeling of this ghost woman's arms pressing on my chest.
03P 4 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that there was a dark-coloured piece of thick material-like substance in my bedroom, which was apparently a monster. I was afraid that it would come back into being, so I cut it up into pieces, but I was still afraid that it might re-assemble itself, so I took it outside to burn on a fire. My family were there. I saw scary looking animals coming up the garden and I awoke 03P 40 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I'd received
a text from my dentist to say that I owe him money. It was a lot more than I
expected and I was worried about how I was going to pay it.
03P 44 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I was eating
a piece of raw chicken. I have no recollection of putting it in my mouth in
the dream, but I remember that I was chewing it and felt disgusted and repulsed
by it. I didn't know what to do, whether I could force myself to swallow it
or not.
03P 45 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I was looking
in the mirror, wearing a pretty top which had a see-through section in the cleavage
area up to the throat. I saw a dark patch there and on closer inspection realised
that I had an extra nipple there. It was flat, like a man's.
03P 53 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I had a sexual
encounter with a man who came into my room. I seemed to know him in the dream,
and I think he was someone from my dance class who is the boyfriend of a friend
of mine. Then he left and another man came in, and I think I had a sexual encounter
with him too. Later in the dream I felt slightly guilty about seeing my friend
again, but far less than I expected. It felt fun and not as wrong as I would
have expected.
03P 58 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I'd rented a
place of my own and had moved my things out of my father's house. When I got
there, I felt intensely lonely there on my own, so I went back and spoke with
my father, and he said that he didn't really want me to move out anyway. I wondered
if I could get my stuff back out and tell the landlady that I'd changed my mind,
or whether I'd have to pay for 6 months. It seemed that I hadn't signed a contract.
03P 60 XX.XX NS
Dreamt that I was looking
after a work colleagues baby and that the nappy fell off when they were about
to poo so I caught it in my hand! It was disgusting and then somehow it ended
up in my mouth and I felt so sick trying to spit it out and thought I should
make myself sick to get it all out of my system.
04P 10 XX.XX NS
Dreamt I was sitting next
to a naked man and I think I pulled his trousers down and it was strange because
there wasn't really anything sexual about it, it was just entertaining and embarrassing
at the same time.
04P 10 XX.XX NS
Dreams of spiders of all
different shapes and sizes.
04P 12 XX.XX NS
I had really really sexually
distorted and disturbing dreams that night. Almost too disgusting to write but
I will do anyway. I dreamt that my cousins and brother were performing a sexual
act on my by pushing something into my vagina and pulling my legs apart, it
makes me cringe thinking about it! In my dream the thing they were pushing inside
me was a chickens head with its long neck, I cant believe I am having to write
this!
04P 14 XX.XX NS
Dreams of food, of being
in a room with many people like a canteen and being served last, and the waiter
dropped my food on the floor (bacon) and saying I should eat it anyway, I remember
saying, don't worry I will eat it, its fine.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Dreams of wood and wooden
objects.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Dream of sitting on the
loo and running out of loo paper and my aunty trying to push her way into the
bathroom and I didn't want her in their. My dad was in the bath in the same
bathroom as me which I didn't like either.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
General feeling in my dreams
of having to hide something and wanting to keep something private and it not
being easy because my family were being forceful to find out. Having to accept
situations I don't want to like going to the loo in the bathroom with my father
in the bath, having to eat food that has been dropped on the floor.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of walking around
London with a friend and it was a battle of wills of where we went, we were
both being obstinate.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of my hair being
died a wrong colour.
04P 22 XX.XX NS
Dreams of spinning around
and around while dancing and wanting others to notice how good I am but actually
I think I look stupid.
04P 3 XX.XX NS
Twice since the proving
I have had the image of dogs surrounding the place I am sleeping in when I am
in bed at night, not in a protective way but threatening way.
04P 30 XX.XX NS
Dreams of spiders, lots
of different shapes and sizes, I had to turn my light on and check my bed for
spiders in the middle of the night as felt one could materialise.
04P 35 XX.XX NS
Dreams of wanting to wake
up but I couldn't, I knew I needed to wake up to check everything was OK and
was trying to shake and stir myself in my dream.
04P 35 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of changing my name
and surname and what would it feel like not to be called by my name any more
and what would my family think and say.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
Another dream where I was
shouting to wake myself up and couldn't. I saw a black creature that made me
think of a spider on my bed and it grew and was heavy and crawled onto my face
attacking me. Peter Fraser was in my dream and I was calling out to him to say
look, this is what it is, help me, this is what I have been trying to show you
but he walked away and didn't hear me.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
Woke up with the image of
someone being stoned, a work colleague who was in their car and people were
throwing stones at him and a large stone hit him on the head and killed him.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of trying to have
sex with an old boyfriend from years ago but we couldn't find anywhere private
of comfortable.
04P 6 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of having really
hairy legs, black dark hairs with wounds on my legs like gashes that had scabbed
over, on my right leg and right buttock.
04P 6 XX.XX NS
Dreams of masturbation,
running out of the house into a field or to some grass area to try to get some
privacy to masturbate and my family keep chasing me or bothering me!
04P 68 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of a man I like who
is in a relationship marrying someone else when he had given me the idea he
liked me. I felt gutted and shocked and didn't know how to respond because I
trusted him.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
Dreamt I was dancing for
a camera like a photo shoot. My brother was dancing with me but I was the person
being filmed, I was really energetic and spinning loads and doing really agile
moves that meant I was really high in the air above my brothers head. It surprised
me in the dream at how high I could jump.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Dream, with two old college
friends, in town, we met a teacher of herbalism, he looked like a Greek man,
very dark hair and a moustache. He took us back to place of work, where we attempted
to rob him of his cash, without him seeing. There was an element of risk and
dare but I stole his monetary notes. He could see what we were doing but didnt
challenge us. Not sure how this ended. For me a sense of doing something that
I knew I should not be doing, sense of dishonesty, disgust, reaction was amazement
that the person I was stealing from was not angry.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
Hanging my tongue out over
bottom lip, tongue totally paralyzed.
05P 2 XX.XX NS
Dream: We we were all organised
by robots, metal beings, looked like humans, no talking to us and anyone who
didn't do their work were taken aside and either physically beaten or killed.
I spent time in the dream running away from them, lots of fear in dream of being
caught and humiliated.
05P 20 XX.XX NS
Dream: I went to some toilets
and found lots of school girls having sex with different older men in each toilet.
There was a older lady organising the session and I'd gone there to be trained
for her position, so I could organise the sessions.
05P 21 XX.XX NS
Dream of a couple I knew,
the man asked me to date him without his present partner knowing.
05P 25 XX.XX NS
A young stable girl, chatting
to someone and she agrees to return to her farm and drives of in her boyfriends
red trunk. As she goes very fast around a corner she looses control clips the
hedge, we loose sight of her and the sound of crashing metal then a silence.
In that silence I realize she has died.
05P 28 XX.XX NS
Having multiple orgasms,
through masturbation, not intense climax, sense of over, and over and over again,
no strong emotions attached. Just do it! Matter of fact. Like a monkey. No feelings
or sensations attached, an acceptance this is how it is, reproduction, life.
A monkey just reproduces in front of anyone at any time, they will copulate.
05P 3 XX.XX NS
Dream. My partner was staying
with someone I knew professionally, but didn't know well. I turned up at the
house and found my partner flirting with her in front of me. I was annoyed with
how she was behaving.
05P 31 XX.XX NS
I was on the beach with
a girl friend and my dog, I noticed in the distance a huge wave coming and beaconed
my friend to hurry put my dog lead on and we hurried to the top of a hill. The
sensation was running for survival, had to be quick. We made it to the top just
in time and watched the water totally cover the hotel and other buildings. I
didnt notice any people being washed away but watched the water flooding the
land below. I didnt feel frightened because I knew we would get up the hill
in time,
05P 32 XX.XX NS
Fly fishing with a group
of people around a lake when I arrived at the lake I checked out where everyone
was standing on the bank so I headed for a spot where I could be alone. Alone
because fly-fishing means being on my own.
05P 38 XX.XX NS
On holiday abroad, somewhere
where English is not spoken. We arranged to meet in a busy street but we didnt
meet up. Feeling of being lost, desperation, alone, afraid and isolated, I can't
communicate to people around me because they dont speak English and when I found
someone who did she just ignored me.
05P 44 XX.XX NS
Woke up totally devastated.
Felt like I'd been howling. Had a disturbing dream my dog had been stolen from
an airport where I was travelling. Also lost my passport and money but loosing
my dog was catastrophic.
05P 5 XX.XX NS
Dream, woke disturbed by
horrible face and aware of murder, something was horrific, a sensation of horror.
Sensation of something revolting, disgusting and festery, rotten and decaying.
05P 7 XX.XX NS
I dream that our car was
completely filled up with re-cycle rubbish and my husband and I had to keep
emptying it. It would then fill up to the brim again.
06P 2 XX.XX NS
I dreamt that my sister
in law has a pet chicken which I some times looked after when she was at work
or the gym. I went down stairs and before I reached where it lived I knew instinctively
new that it was dead.
06P 2 XX.XX NS
Dream - I went to work and
realised my name had been changed back to my maiden name. I asked my husband
about it when he picked me up from work. He said that I could not have his name
anymore. We had a huge row and I got out the car in the middle of nowhere.
06P 22 XX.XX NS
Dreamt of lilies and wolves.
The lilies had to be ground up to make a remedy along with a magic ceremony.
There were many wolves at the place I was staying (it was a magical place).
A wolf growled and tried to bite me but I manged to grab it by the back of the
neck and it went away. it was ragged looking with cuts in its fir and above
one eye. It went away, but there were other wolves were near by. They were a
subtle menacing presence. There was a contrast is the dream half of it was very
magical and serene yet there was this menacing presence of the wolves. When
I woke up it was like the two feelings cancelled each other out.
06P 24 XX.XX NS
Dream that I was a white
witch with long red hair.
06P 31 XX.XX NS
Dream: There was this wide
green ocean and a storm (a bit like the tempest). In the middle of the sea was
a sandstone tower -with the wind blowing all around it. Feelings in the dream
were beauty and loneliness.
06P 35 XX.XX NS
Dream: I was part of a dance
school in a desert somewhere. We all had these schedules that we have to follow.
There were also the big wooden structures in the sky that we could go and sit
on, a bit like a wooden platform. The whole dream I had to work hard at the
school and all I wanted to do was sunbathe on top of the platform in the sky.
06P 37 XX.XX NS
I was driving a car with
all my friends in it. I got out of the car and because of the terrain I ended
up on a ledge and was scared to get back to safety as there was a sudden drop.
There was then this wave of sea water that rushed in below me. It was full of
creatures including that of a giant worm / centipede. My fear of water is less
than my of height so with my friends help I started to get back to safety.
06P 5 XX.XX NS
Nightmare: We were going
camping. It was night-time. We had our cat with us. The first place we stayed
there were lots of black and white cats like my cat. We left the place. I realised
we had picked up the wrong cat. The eyes were different. Feelings were horrified
that I had left my cat and impatience as my husband would take me back until
the morning. Then went to a house where I saw a ghost with an eye injury.
06P 8 XX.XX NS
Many dreams of water, waves
and flooding.
06P 0 XX.XX NS
I have dreamt about people
(1 female & 2 different males, on 3 consecutive nights) making sexual advances
towards me. In each dream I am weak willed & nearly persuaded but fate intervenes
& saves me from allowing myself to be taken advantage of.
07P 0 XX.XX NS
I had a dream shortly after
the November weekend whilst I was still feeling the benefits of the proving.
It was unusual because I struggle to remember dreams but on this occasion it
was vivid. In my dream the group are waiting outside a school classroom. The
tutor arrives but says we can only enter if we strip off from the waist down.
Everyone (bar 1 student) strips & we all seem to be either lying or walking
on our hands on the floor. An image of locusts comes to mind because the elbows
are pointed outwards & the rear end is off the floor with the legs doubled
up. It is not a sexual dream & we are comfortable around each other like
this, just moving & lying about at floor level.
07P 0 XX.XX NS
Dreams where I am very critical
of people. No sense of respect.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Dreams of sexual betrayal
taking place in the context of shopping.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Dream: I was working in
a shop and Cherie Blair came in. I told her exactly how awful and evil she was.
Everyone around me was completely gobsmacked.
08P 11 XX.XX NS
Dream: In San Francisco,
partner is there with an entourage of women like a bride with bridesmaids. I
am there also as a hanger on as is her mother. (I am the only man in the story.)
I am shopping in a very old fashioned department store with an up lift in the
centre and down lifts in the corners. Get trapped by the lift door and only
just manage to escape helped by partner's mother.
08P 2 XX.XX NS
Dream: On the Toronto subway
with my son who was younger than he is (about 15). He is arrested as a terrorist
suspect. I have to bite back my outrage so as not to make things worse. Contrast
to earlier dream in which I am outrageously outspoken.
08P 29 XX.XX NS
Dream about a person who
felt outcast and rejected by his family. A wealthy European living very poorly
in South Africa. He is accused by the police of a terrible crime and the house
was being searched. We (I was his wife?) Had to go away it was all just too
awful.
08P 8 XX.XX NS
Light headed sensation after
lunch.
01P 30 XX.XX NS
While my eyes were shut,
I had the sensation that I was leaning to the right, even thought I knew I wasn't.
I felt a slight dizziness.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
Had a strange dizzy feeling
twice, each time lasting for around half a minute or so. It came over me in
a wave over my head and made me feel unbalanced.
03P 7 XX.XX NS
Dizzy feeling in head, quite
intense, pressure on sides of head, I normally would get this on my vertex but
this is in waves pulsating again and feels heavy. This continued over the weekend
and made me feel a bit detached form what was going on around me.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Scrolling the computer screen
was really making me feel dizzy and I had to look away while I moved the pages
around and fix my eyes on the still object.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
Heavy back of head –
hard to hold head up.
01P 1 XX.XX NS
Noticed that I have had
the desire to scratch my head a lot today. The sensation is that of a ticklishness
rather than irritation, and light scratching is all I want to do.
03P 2 XX.XX NS
After food for three hours
constant left sided headache, pulsing on left and left nasal cavity pulsing,
they are connected and nose hypersensitive on inhaling air.
05P 3 19.3 NS
Intense, thumping pain in
left frontal area of head. Pain felt like it was moving around and unbearable,
I stayed with it, took over an hour to subside. Fell back to sleep.
05P 4 04.30 NS
Had a headache in temples.
Dull throb lasted all afternoon. Felt a bit muggy and oppressed by the headache.
As if I had been indoors too much.
06P 5 09.45 NS
I feel a headache developing
in the front of my head, above my nose & it is radiating outwards over my
eyebrows. It feels like a weight is in there pressing outwards.
07P 13 13.00 NS
I develop a right sided
headache with jabbing, pulsating pains.
07P 26 XX.XX NS
Headaches on waking but
instead of getting worse, as is my usual pattern, they soon fade away.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Sensation of construction.
Thicker than a string from back of nasal cavity to back of head.
08P 1 XX.XX NS
Stinging, prickling in eyes
and same sensation on tip of tongue, lasted a few minutes.
02P 01 XX.XX NS
Eyesight seems suddenly
worse! Hard to read close and long distance. Stabbing pain in right eye.
02P 3 XX.XX NS
I've woken up every day
for the last two weeks with some sticky discharge in my eyelashes from my eyes.
My eyes open ok but I can feel it and want to pull it off as soon as I wake
up.
03P 64 XX.XX OS
Eye lids feel sore, like
sand inside the lid, left eye worse.
05P 1 22.30 NS
Itchy right ear.
01P 29 XX.XX NS
Left ear itchy, as if something
wriggling or crawling inside. A 'Putt, putt, putt' sound and sensation in there,
02P 13 XX.XX NS
Sounds seemed louder and
when a fly hit the window it shocked me slightly; it was as though I could feel
myself, how it felt for the tiny body to hit the window so hard, almost as though
it was me experiencing hitting the window.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
Have had a pain in my right
ear when opening my jaw.
04P 19 XX.XX NS
Smelt cigarette smoke at
some stage, although no one smoking; Had this again in the next couple of days.
02P 2 XX.XX NS
For the past two weeks,
I've had small amounts of blood from my nose when I blow it. It's from both
nostrils, but mainly the right. There is no pain or any other symptom with the
blood.
03P 65 XX.XX NS
Had the scent of smoke a
number of times over the last few days, like an ashtray.
04P 26 XX.XX NS
My sense of smell is stronger,
I kept smelling my clothes after I had washed them because they smelt stale,
and the shower room smells of the drains and I keep smelling slightly bad odours
around my house. A friend also sent me a beautiful bottle of perfume in the
post as a thank you, I love it and don't normally wear perfume, it smells so
delicious and rich and brings up warm sensuous feelings.
04P 41 XX.XX NS
Put perfume on today which
I never ever do, almost felt I needed to wear it.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Smell of sick/vomit which
is just a quick awareness and then gone. This happened a number of times during
the proving.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Sneezing occasionally and
feeling a bit hayfeverish.
06P 30 XX.XX NS
Had eggs for dinner and
they made me feel sick. I had put incense on in my bedroom before I could sleep.
The sensation was a strong aversion to the smell getting inside of me.
06P 4 XX.XX NS
I feel as if my sense of
smell is more acute.
07P 29 XX.XX NS
The edges of my lips feel
sore.
04P 3 XX.XX NS
2 spots on my right cheek
that are like hard risen lumps and sore to touch. I normally get small white
pustules but these are different.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
A white spot, pustule right
under my lower lip in the very middle.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
Dry patches of flaky skin
on my face, first around my nose at the edges where it meets your cheeks and
your upper lip, and this morning on my left inside and below my cheek bone.
04P 48 XX.XX NS
Face feels hot and tight
and a bit tingly and itchy.
04P 7 10.40 NS
Slight neuralgia in my teeth
upper left side.
02P 6 XX.XX NS
Developed a very nasty abscess
in the root of a front tooth that I broke many years ago. The tooth exuded a
very nasty cadaverous smell. Throat also coated with a foul exudate. Worse at
night.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Just coughed and had a really
vile taste in my mouth; Tastes like rotting meat.
02P 11 22.45 NS
Taste of rotting meat in
back of throat, revolting.
02P 44 XX.XX NS
End of tongue agony!! Felt
sharp pain and raw, hot sensation over the area, like a piece of glass or splinter
of something in there, or maybe like a sting?
02P 57 XX.XX NS
My tongue feels burnt and
tingly and a little sore.
04P 21 XX.XX NS
I keep burning my tongue
on food.
04P 28 XX.XX NS
Burning stinging tip of
tongue.
08P 1 XX.XX NS
Evening had sore palate
worse on right side.
01P 31 XX.XX NS
Saliva building up at back
and sides of tongue.
02P 6 XX.XX NS
Since the beginning of the
proving, I have experienced times when I have had an increased production of
saliva.
03P 30 XX.XX NS
Cold-sore, much worse on
the left side and still slightly there on the right. It irritates me every time
I open my mouth.
06P 44 XX.XX NS
Am feeing more aware of
the increasing desire to swallow; it's as if there is a lot of saliva in my
mouth.
07P 3 XX.XX NS
Very dry mouth and inner
nose.
08P 2 XX.XX NS
I wake with a sore throat
on left side. It feels swollen & it scrapes when I swallow. The upper left
side of the roof of the inside of my mouth also feels swollen & tender.
07P 27 XX.XX NS
Difficulty swallowing. Almost
at the back of the nose.
08P 1 XX.XX NS
Ate loads today.
01P 3 XX.XX NS
Not hungry, just ate bowl
of cereal, very unusual for me.
01P 31 19.50 NS
Thirst in the afternoon.
01P 31 XX.XX NS
Starving again, really unusual
to get this really nagging feeling of hunger.
02P 10 XX.XX NS
Woken by hungry radiating
feeling in solar plexus area.
02P 13 05.35 NS
I've had an increased desire
to eat cheese, and have eaten a lot more than I usually do.
03P 0 XX.XX NS
Very thirsty, for cold water
(not ice cold, just room temperature). Drinking water reduced the feeling but
only for half an hour, after which I wanted to drink again.
03P 9 XX.XX NS
Reduced desire for butter.
03P 9 XX.XX NS
Much increased thirst with
dryer mouth.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
I have been more hungry
and had an increased appetite and feel as if I have put on weight the last week.
04P 31 XX.XX NS
My appetite has complete
disappeared, I had to make myself some food and tired to force myself to eat
it because I felt like I needed grounding but I left half which is unlike me.
04P 33 XX.XX NS
Woke with thirst in the
middle of the night and had to have a drink which I haven't done in a long time.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
I have eaten a lot of sweet
things the last few days, especially chocolate.
04P 40 XX.XX NS
Thirst has returned again
and I am thirsty at night.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
Suddenly feeling really
full about 5 or 10 minutes after eating.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Thirst diminished completely,
didn't really notice my thirst at all today whereas yesterday it was practically
impossible to quench!
04P 6 XX.XX NS
Really restless and fidgety,
I cant just sit still and feel comfortable, its making me eat and nibble more
just for something to do. After I have eaten I feel really full even though
I haven't eaten that much but I still want to keep on eating.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Desire to eat chocolate
and did. Feel I need something sweet, Felt satisfied and warm.
05P 15 XX.XX NS
Since taking the remedy
I have eaten in excess.
05P 31 XX.XX NS
I have been eating whatever
food I want and when. The foods I'm drawn to are carbohydrate foods and lots
of them and since taking the remedy I feel I've been excessive, that is overeating
the wrong foods for me, as I am putting weight on.
05P 40 XX.XX NS
At lunch another student
made a chicken dish and I was repulsed by it after the dream. I sometimes go
off chicken anyway but today I had a very strong reaction to it. Every thing
I ate was vegetarian.
06P 3 XX.XX NS
I dish up a big lunch but
then feel 'full' & nauseous looking at it. I have to throw it away &
then develop a left sided headache. I gain some relief by pressing & rubbing
the area in a circular motion.
07P 31 XX.XX NS
Greatly increased appetite.
08P 12 XX.XX NS
Slight queasiness - better
for burping.
01P 1 XX.XX NS
Sudden queasy sensation,
had to eat something but no better for eating.
01P 19 XX.XX NS
Slight queasiness as if
pregnant and burping.
01P 3 XX.XX NS
Flatulence cabbagey smell!
02P 10 XX.XX NS
About ten to fifteen minutes
after taking the remedy, I felt slightly nauseous in the stomach area (I more
normally feel a kind of head nausea), and the quality of the nausea felt different
from what I've had before: softer.
03P 1 18.00 NS
The nausea is better for
burping.
03P 3 XX.XX NS
During medication a wave
of nausea came over me with a gripping sensation in my stomach just above my
belly button with a really dry mouth.
04P 1 XX.XX NS
Felt nausea a number of
times today, like the sickness you can feel when you are excited but nervous.
I have had a really dry mouth as well at the same time and felt really thirsty.
04P 19 XX.XX NS
I have had hiccoughs every
day since the proving.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
Feel sick and stomach churning
and full after food, its an anxious sick feeling.
04P 44 XX.XX NS
Belching fits which lasted
for a minute at a time. Nausea makes me sweat profusely makes me focus only
on the sensation which is like having an acid eruption, sensation is bubbling
inside, my body feeling like its going to explode into pieces. A sense of pushing
out from inside, like a volcano eruption, no control over it, waiting for it
to happen feels really uncomfortable, as earlier. Then the explosion and relief
as the nausea and sweating subsides instantly.
05P 3 19.30 NS
Aware of headache mainly
over my frontal bones. As the morning progressed the sensation intensified and
I started feeling nauseous and had occasional bouts of beltching. Sensations
changed to a burning acrid churning around and around in my stomach. Desire
to be sick. 12.30 was physically sick and sensation in stomach eased. Thought
of food agg. and made me feel sick. Initially felt better but as the afternoon
progressed the sensations returned and when I left the college I was churning
in my stomach again.
05P 31 10.30 NS
Constant belching for about
a minute, no discomfort. I hadn't consumed any food or liquid. This felt like
complete pure expelling of air with no odour, taste or smell attached.
05P 6 XX.XX NS
Whilst drinking tea, noticed
a sensation of nausea, like fist of heavy metal stuck in the centre of my stomach.
Each mouthful of tea ameliorates, when I stop the sensation returns.
05P 8 XX.XX NS
Shortly after commencing
car journey home, I start feeling very nauseous & bilious.
07P 3 XX.XX NS
Stomach ache, griping sensations.
01P 28 XX.XX NS
Stomach ache and discomfort
with flatulence on and off all day.
01P 35 XX.XX NS
Very rumbly and gurgling
stomach after meal.
01P 4 19.00 NS
Stomach grumbling loud with
gurgling noises.
04P 2 10.30 NS
Stomach bubbling and gurgling
when eating.
04P 34 XX.XX NS
My stomach was gurgling
and making loud noises this morning lying in bed and also when I tried to eat
this evening.
04P 34 XX.XX NS
Burning sensation like indigestion
in the solar plexus area.
04P 7 XX.XX NS
Whilst driving to work overwhelmed
by sensation of nausea, not aware of any causes like a wave coming over me The
wave come up from my waist area rising to over the top of my head and seem to
disappear, leaving the sensation of nausea within, my stomach felt like it had
ants moving around inside, they were busy working, this was momentary, like
hundreds of little vibrations that came and went in intensity. Like a screw
top being opened the air just fizzed out.
05P 5 09.00 NS
Stitching pain in lower
abdomen, which darted into my abdomen repeatedly for a few minutes, and then
disappeared.
03P 18 XX.XX NS
Pain, abdomen, right hand
side, approx. 1 inch above where my leg joins, extending slightly into top of
leg. The pain feels like something inside is being squeezed. Worse for pressure
or totally relaxing my abdominal muscles.
03P 9 19.50 NS
Sharp momentary pain in
my left groin or lower pelvis.
04P 1 XX.XX NS
Tenderness and pain in my
groin area left and right alternating, this has been a repeated symptom for
the last few days.
04P 4 12.45 NS
I notice that my abdomen
is distended & feels heavy.
07P 49 XX.XX NS
Frequent urge to stool,
several sticky motions in early afternoon. Diarrhoea, then felt better.
01P 37 13.00 NS
Have been to loo 4 times
(both urine and stool) since this morning!
02P 12 13.00 NS
Horrendous griping diarrhoea
on way to college, almost didn't make it to loo. Felt as if my insides
would come out!; felt cold
and shivery afterwards, but definitely better for releasing it all.
02P 64 07.30 NS
My stool has been much more
sticky than normal for a few weeks now, I have to use a toilet brush every time
to clean the loo! Feel a bit uncomfortable and prudish writing this.
04P 47 XX.XX NS
I have been constipated
today and haven't had an urge to go to the loo at all.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Diarrhoea and an urgency
to open bowels.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
I have to get out of bed
to move my bowels & am aware that I have been able to move my bowels effortlessly
over the last month.
07P 37 XX.XX NS
Restless all night. Having
to get up often with terrible, painful diarrhoea. Yellow liquid diarrhoea with
undigested food lasted for more than a week but was not particularly debilitating.
08P 12 XX.XX NS
Pain on urinating first
thing in morning, above lower part of left groin.
02P 2 XX.XX NS
Urine smelt fishy; clear
in colour.
02P 21 XX.XX NS
Went to loo urine bright golden yellow! 02P 5 XX.XX NS
Awoke needing to urinate.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
My urine seemed much more
yellow than usual.
06P 40 XX.XX NS
Needing to urinate quite
frequently. I am also drinking more fluids which seem to go straight through
me.
06P 43 XX.XX NS
Drinking more and urinating
more often.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Weird electric sensation
in genetalia, not thinking of anything sexual! Not an orgasm, just a buzzing
sensation.
02P 12 XX.XX NS
Suddenly itchy around anus
and genitals at the same time, this wore off in an hour or so.
02P 15 XX.XX NS
Feel like I have just lost
my virginity and feel tender in my pelvic area from having sex.
04P 23 XX.XX NS
Have had streaks of blood
twice in vaginal discharge yesterday and today.
04P 26 XX.XX NS
I bled a lot after having
sex that night, it was not normal colour either but purplish in tone, I was
still bleeding over 24 hours
later.
04P 39 XX.XX NS
Increased vaginal discharge
and this time with a small clot of blood.
04P 47 XX.XX NS
Period very early, 21 days.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
Heightened feeling of sexual
awareness, sexual tension, 'turned on' feeling in genital area.
04P 9 11.15 NS
Noticed a sensation of heaviness
in my womb. Felt like a breeze block in my abdomen, solid heavy lump dragging
my insides down. Was like a solid hard pain, lasted for 6 hours, it distracted
my thoughts from what I was doing. Ameliorated by sitting and defecating. Desire
to get rid of pain. For me it was bloody annoying and in the way, the sensation
was distracting, felt it hard to concentrate on anything else, having a blockage
in my body.
05P 26 14.00 NS
My period has come 2 days
early which is unusual.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
I get my period & it
starts suddenly.
07P 45 XX.XX NS
Started losing my voice,
hoarse and weak voice and can't speak audibly.
04P 23 XX.XX NS
When I am on the phone people
keep saying to me 'I cant hear you ' - I am speaking more quietly, a more subdued
tone.
04P 46 XX.XX NS
Awoke suddenly after being
asleep less than half an hour, with the sensation of not being able to breath
properly. It felt as though my throat had closed up. I sat bolt upright involuntarily
as I awoke, and then I drank some cold water which I had by the bed, and this
helped. I experienced some anxiety but was awake enough to keep this feeling
from expanding. After drinking the water, the feeling soon subsided and I found
it easy to go back to sleep.
03P 16 XX.XX NS
Woke-up feeling wheezy which
I have not felt for a couple of years. I used to get mild asthma but have not
had any symptoms since seeing a homeopath.
06P 2 07.30 OS
Sensation that there is
a restriction in my chest and I need to run away from it.
06P 8 XX.XX OS
Brief coughing fit when
in bed, catarrh in throat.
01P 33 XX.XX NS
Pain in ther entre of chest,
aggravated by bending forward, any movement. This was present throughout the
proving.
02P 2 XX.XX NS
Sensation of a ball of pain
in my chest, which feels as if it shouldn't be there, and is alien to my body.
02P 3 XX.XX NS
Sensation of crackling in
my chest, on moving.
02P 4 XX.XX NS
Needle like momentary sharp
stab in my right left side around my lower ribs.
04P 12 XX.XX NS
Tightness in upper right
trapezius muscle, sensation of rope inside the muscle being stretched to capacity.
05P 27 06.45 NS
Sensation of heaviness &
aching in the left side of my chest. I start to feel sad & emotional as
if I want to cry. My chest feels heavy & I have to take occasional deep
breaths. The ache on the left side of my chest is radiating into my left shoulder
& I am getting momentary hot & cold sensations on the outside of my
neck. I start swallowing. I go upstairs where I can be alone & I feel the
weight in my chest lessening as I cry. It is as if there is something heavy
weighing my heart down & it is making me cry.
07P 13 XX.XX NS
Had a strong stabbing pain
in the heart area.
06P 24 XX.XX NS
After Sunday roast I get
sharp pains in my chest, left side, heart region. I want to sit still but continue
clearing up. I decide I am not afraid of the pain as I usually am very fearful
of pains near the heart area. Pressing beneath my left breast gives me some
relief. The pain eases off after I burp several times.
07P XX.XX NS
Sore, heavy breasts.
01P 4 XX.XX NS
Breasts felt huge, as if
they had metal plates on them!; hard, swollen and solid.
02P 01 XX.XX NS
Sharp momentary pain in my left breast in a circular motion around the nipple 04P 1 XX.XX NS
Twinges of pain around the
nipple area in my right breast. Needle like pains.
04P 10 XX.XX NS
Twinges of pain in my breasts.
04P 6 XX.XX NS
Really sore tender breasts
during today but much worse this evening.
04P 6 XX.XX NS
Sharp pain in left jawbone
and left side of neck, never had before.
01P 52 XX.XX NS
Sharp aching pain in lower
back part of Coccyx. This was present, throughout the proving at different times;
sometimes better for leaning forward, sitting down makes it worse.
02P 3 XX.XX NS
Mid-back feels crushed,
compressed all out of place, as if I can see inside and see that my spine looks
contorted!
02P 9 XX.XX NS
Rotated head, as I bent
down to pick up a ball, heard lots of cracking in neck, reverberating to inner
ears, shockingly loud, no pain, just very loud cracking, sounded like bone on
bone, < on all movements of head.
05P 10 XX.XX NS
Have really bad back ache
in my right lumber region in the bone, boring. Made me feel restless and irritable.
06P 33 19.30 NS
I get an ache in my left
upper back when walking; it is a bit like a muscular cramp.
07P 17 XX.XX NS
Getting episodes of right
sided upper back & neck pain. Which catches me on turning my head &
on moving. It is like a muscular ache or cramp; like someone is boring their
knuckles into the area the more I move my head or neck.
07P 4 XX.XX NS
Itchy left hand on the top
at base of thumb, unusual as it was only in one place and there was no reason
for it.
01P 19 XX.XX NS
Itchy inner right arm in
elbow crease.
01P 29 XX.XX NS
Muscles in upper part of
arms still tight and feel as they are pinching inside.
02P 10 XX.XX NS
Stab of pain in middle finger
of hand.
02P 3 XX.XX NS
Cold clammy hands, my hands
are cold generally but not clammy.
04P 1 XX.XX NS
Shoulders achy and tight.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Found in itchy patch of
skin on my right hand, at the base of my thumb on the top side of my hand, noticed
I had been scratching it without realising and it was red.
04P 34 XX.XX NS
Woke with pain, tight, deep
central in right bicep muscle, felt like a rope being tightened inside. Right
down the centre of the muscle the fibres were so tight there was no movement
left in it. Nothing eased it.
05P 8 07.00 NS
Burning sensation in right
anterior shoulder/clavicular joint < on extension of elbow joint. Shoulder
joint felt like cotton wool to touch but tender.
05P 9 XX.XX NS
On rising I felt as if the
ring endings/base of my fingers were swollen.
07P 9 07.00 NS
Sensation of heat on outside
edge of right thumb. As if very warm air blowing on it. Realise it is my thumb
that is radiating heat.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Bites on the back of the
hand, small, very itchy then break open and exude yellow discharge.
08P 39 XX.XX NS
My nails seem a bit fragile.
One has split in a painful place. My other nails are looking brittle. I normally
have strong healthy nails.
06P 7 XX.XX NS
Cramp in calf during night,
managed to stop the pain developing by flexing foot.
01P 1 XX.XX OS
Toe joints feel inflamed.
02P 15 XX.XX NS
Legs jerking like they had
shockwaves sent through them.
02P 7 XX.XX NS
I have had clicking Achilles'
heels a lot during the proving, its always been after getting up in the morning
and walking down the stairs and they clicked like they needed stretching.
04P 0 XX.XX NS
Feeling that my legs are
fuzzy and tingling.
04P 2 XX.XX NS
Twinges of pain in the front
of my thighs, like a sharp single needle.
04P 27 XX.XX NS
I woke up with a swollen
toe, the middle one on my right foot, I noticed I couldn't walk properly and
was so surprised to see my toe swollen at the base. I had my feet rubbed quite
vigorously that evening and thought that my toe had been just too sensitive
to swell up from this. It reminded me of bleeding after sex, on some level maybe
my body is over responding and not coping well with strong physical contact?
04P 39 XX.XX NS
Woke with throbbing spasm
pain in my right groin that travelled down my right leg into my thigh and a
few times all the way down my leg. I couldn't get comfortable and think it was
better lying on the side of the pain.
04P 4 XX.XX NS
Felt weak in my legs, almost
jelly like and the feeling you would get if you were going to faint.
04P 8 XX.XX NS
I get sudden stabbing pains
in my right ankle when trying to run.
07P 16 XX.XX NS
Woke groggy, overslept,
unusual for me.
01P 14 XX.XX NS
Once when I awoke I had
my legs scrunched right up towards myself.
03P 2 XX.XX NS
Awoke several times in the
night (with no apparent cause).
03P 2 XX.XX NS
I am waking up at any time
after 2am and staying awake until gone 4am, but the strange thing is I
am not that tired in the mornings.
04P 20 XX.XX NS
Woke many times in the night
very restless and difficult to wake in the morning.
04P 5 XX.XX NS
Really fidgety and restless
in the night which woke me up several times with sweating.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Need less sleep.
05P 32 XX.XX NS
Woke late.
06P 6 XX.XX NS
I am waking earlier &
am not having so much difficulty getting up.
07P 15 XX.XX NS
Stumbling and tripping up
as walking round streets – partner commented as it was unusal.
01P 1 XX.XX NS
Momentary stabs of pain.
02P 0 XX.XX NS
Had a few short sharp pains
in different parts of my body which lasted only a few seconds each. These recurred
throughout nthe proving.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
A feeling of exhaustion
and depletion, little energy, reminded me of when I was a child and sometimes
when I was completely exhausted I would cry because I didnt know how to carry
on.
05P 28 XX.XX NS
Alcohol affects me more,
the same effect from half the quantity.
08P 0 XX.XX NS
Very hot all evening, had
to remove two layers plus socks, hot at 23.00, unusual as I am a cold
01P 29 XX.XX NS
Feel hot again.
03P 10 XX.XX NS
Got in my car to leave a
party and had the strange sensation of my legs heating up, as if the car seat
was heated but it was not, my thighs felt very warm and were hot to touch.
04P 23 XX.XX NS
Occasional warm flushes
of heat on my face like my face is burning up.
04P 3 XX.XX NS
Feeling in my eyes was as
if they were cold and I had come into a hot room and was experiencing a kind
of hot ache. The sensation spread to hands and stopped at my wrists; then to
my feet and stopped at my ankles.
06P 01 18.00 NS
Went to bed freezing cold
particularly my feet. Woke up about 2 a.m. in a hot sweat.
06P 18 XX.XX NS
Woke up in a hot sweat and
woke up my husband. He commented that I felt freezing to the
06P 2 XX.XX NS
I keep feeling hot &
cold. Can't bear the heating on in the car & have to open the window a little
for some cool, fresh air, then I have to close it when I start to feel cold
again.
07P 3 XX.XX NS
Feel sweaty under my arms
which is like that brought on by anxiety.
04P 7 XX.XX NS
At a salsa class on I noticed
I had BO, even after using antiperspirant. I haven't noticed BO on myself before,
I don't normally use an antiperspirant actually I just did because I knew I
would be dancing a lot. The smell was sweet and sour and very strang, I had
to keep going to the ladies loo's to wash under my armpits because I was embarrassed.
04P 74 XX.XX NS
Feel I have a sweaty underarms
but feel cold at the same time.
04P 9 11.45 NS
My mum walked past me and
thought she could smell body odour.
04P 9 XX.XX NS
Desire to lie flat on the
floor on my back when feeling tense, especially in my solar plexus region and
stomach, it could be mistaken for indigestion but its not. Also a desire to
stretch, the tension is worse when sitting down and better for movement.
04P 21 XX.XX NS
Fell on fence post in dark.
Very sore but no bruising came up for several days then appeared and took a
long time to go. Similar pattern later in the proving.
08P 1 XX.XX NS
Stinging sensation on chest,
lots of pin prick explosions; really irritating.
02P 11 XX.XX NS
Sensation something biting
me on thigh.
02P 11 XX.XX NS
I had the sensation that
my hands were a bit swollen (they weren't actually).
03P 1 18.05 NS
On closing eyes for meditation
I experienced a low vibration noise in my ears and had the sensation of solidity
between my ears as though there was a bar-shaped object joining them, which
was made out of the sound. After a while the intensity diminished to a less
intense noise which was like the sound of the engines on a very large ship.
03P 1 XX.XX NS
I had a strange pain in
my ribs on the left side around the level of the bottom of the sternum process.
It was very short-lived (few seconds) and felt like crab pincers pinching me.
It felt really unusual and I was surprised and fascinated by it because I've
not felt anything quite like that before, and the thought that it was like crab
pincers was so definite.
03P 13 XX.XX NS
Sensation of insects crawling
in hair. In reality too. They are in mine and I notice them in other people's.
08P 1 XX.XX NS
Knees itchy inside, left
knee first, then right; over base of patella, and in knee joint. Patches of
itchiness around torso, and in crease of left elbow.
02P 01 XX.XX NS
Have noticed a sharp localised
stinging pain a couple of times today in various places, as if stung by an insect.
02P 24 XX.XX NS
My father commented that
I was really smooth; smooth skin and graceful smooth flowing movements.
03P 32 XX.XX NS
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